Step Stress Cause Marital Problems?

My husband and I rarely fight all year long. Don't get me wrong, he gets on my nerves sometimes with the day-to-day stuff, as I am sure I get on his as well, but in terms of actual arguments, we rarely have them. Do you know when we do?

When the ex or stepkids come into it - when inappropriate requests come from the ex or stepkids, when we're trying to work out visitation schedules and he's doing what the ex wants as she tramples all over his parental rights, or when the stepkids are here and he's being daddy-fun-time instead of dad. He's changed so much in terms of how he deals with the ex and his kids over the past 3-4 years that if it had been this way in the beginning, I wouldn't have said "I do." If we had to deal with this every other weekend, there's no way I could. Good thing we are long distance I guess.

Is it that his kids are now teens now? Is it that because he rarely sees his kids (thanks ex for the PAS), he's going to let them do/say what they want w/o rules while they're here? Is it easier to keep his ex off his back this way rather than demand his rights?

The tension mounts, something is said wrong or without thought, and BOOM! I'm fed up. I have barely talked to hubby since Saturday when the driving thing came up with my stepdaughter, who just got her driver's permit, driving my SUV (see previous posts). The way my husband said, "Are you going to be like that when they" (our kids) "start to drive too?" just irritated the heck out of me. My first thoughts after that comment: HIS KIDS ARE NOT MY KIDS, THEY TREAT HIM AND THEIR SIBLINGS LIKE CRAP SO WHY SHOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY ANYMORE AFTER GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR OVER TEN YEARS FOR THEM, AND IT IS MY FRICKEN CAR. Yes, I'm mad.

All of it was for nothing too. Hubby's employer has requested he cancel his vacation due to the workload. So we won't be seeing the stepkids on Saturday anyway.

I'm still mad at him.