Don't You Hate It When Part III

I received another "Don't You Hate It When" from a reader that I am posting. I think it is something a lot of stepmothers can relate to.

Here it is:

Don’t you hate it when...Its okay for you (stepmom) to financially take care of your step kids, plan their future, wash their clothes, bring the meals, etc, but its not okay for you (stepmom) to tell the kids what they can and cannot do because bio mom gets offended. Who cares, you didn’t before?

Definitely! We can't win! It's ok for stepmoms to shell out their own personal finances and time for the stepkids chauffering them around to things the ex signed them up for but when it comes to placing expectations and restrictions on them, some bio-moms can rear their head and start hissing. I took good care of my stepkids. I don't think anybody could have a complaint about that (well, except for the ex who I'm sure would complain that I was even alive) but when one of the stepkids started having behavioral problems and getting consequences (from me usually because I was the parent home at the time and I had no support from the bio-mom who told hubby that I was not to call her) for doing things like bloodying his baby sister's nose (yes, she was a baby...she was 4!), or punching his older sister until she fell over and then climbing on top of her and pounding on her some more (I had to pull him off of her!) and a ton of other aggressive things, never ONCE were our (my) consequences backed up by the bio-mom. I always had my husband's support but my stepchild's mother would ruin everything we tried to accomplish with our consequences as soon as he left our home by making excuses for him, babying him, and belittling us and our rules...giving in to her son and believing the behaviorally challenged boy over the adults and even her own daughter (when my stepson beat up my stepdaughter in the bm's house - literally punching and leaving bruises and tears hours later, she asked my stepdaughter what she'd done to make him do that!!). Doctors and counselors agreed with us but I guess some people will say "black" if you, the other home, say "white" no matter what, even at the expense of your own children. We had ZERO support from the ex. None. Ever. We were "too strict" when we took toys and video games away or sent him to his room. I guess we should've rewarded him for beating up his siblings all the time! She acted like we were abusing him by setting appropriate limits. None of the other children had a problem understanding the basic rules (like no beating up your siblings!). Personally, I think she liked the havoc and harm he caused in our home. Probably got a secret thrill off of it.

It's ok for me to spend my money on my stepchildren (food, gifts, shelter, etc.). It's just not ok to actually expect them to follow the household rules the rest of the kids have to follow. You'd think over a decade later, some people would get over it (get over themselves).