School & the Non-Custodial Parent

Are you involved in your child's school? As long as there is not a court order prohibiting the non-custodial parent from doing so, he/she has this right. It is called FERPA. It stands for Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act.

To become involved, we have met with success by doing the following:

First, contact the school and your child's teacher. (We did this by letter initially.) Let them know who your child is and express your desire to be involved in your child's education and to meet with them at parent-teacher conferences (we do this separately from the other biological parent).

Request that copies of any school newsletters, report cards, school photo order forms, etc. be mailed to you. (We gave the school a small fee during the kids' elementary years - $10 I think it was then or a school year's worth of self-addressed, stamped envelopes - at the beginning of the school year to cover the postage.) This gives you additional contact with the school and is much better than waiting for the other parent to provide it to you, when they decide to do it and if they decide to do it.

We also sent a letter to the school for my stepchildren's files that included contact information for their non-custodial biological parent and step-parent. Even if their custodial parent did not include us on the emergency card, which happened consistently, we expressed our wishes to the school and provided them with the information should they choose to use it.

My husband let the school know that I (stepmom) could represent him should he be unavailable. The ex didn't like it but most teachers had no problem talking to me when my husband couldn't be there to do it himself. Legally I don't believe they have to though so don't push it if met with too much resistance or else you will seem unreasonable. Ultimately, it is up to the biological parent to stay involved.

If there are any problems that you feel might affect your stepchild's behavioral or academic progress, let their teacher know. Be honest without derogatory comments about the other parent (bite your tongue if you have to...hard!).

Ask your child about his/her day at school. Help them with homework if the parenting time schedule allows.

Attend the school's Open House that most schools have annually. It is a great way to make your presence known right at the beginning and to start forming a relationship with your child's teacher.

Take turns with the other parent taking your child on the school field trips. The ex wouldn't give up even one field trip in all those years to let dad do this but maybe you'll have more luck reasoning with your ex.

Make your best effort.

The child's other parent may resent a "step" parent's involvement. However, if you have your spouse's support, continue to stand by his/her side for parent-teacher conferences, help your stepchild with homework, etc. Maybe one day your stepchild's other parent will see your involvement as beneficial to his/her child and realize that it isn't a bad thing that so many people care about his/her child and appreciate it rather than resent it...maybe, maybe not...don't hold your breath.

You may or may not be met with cooperation from the school. However, we rarely had any problem with my stepchildren's school and teachers. It was mostly positive. When my stepdaughter's school would mail us information, they even addressed it to both of us. I, as the children's stepmother, have never been excluded during communications with the school.

If you do run into a problem with the school, read FERPA. Ensure you are not violating any part of this Act and forward a copy of it to your child's school. Advise them that you would like to exercise your rights according to this Act. Contact an attorney for information on FERPA if you feel your rights are being violated.

Contact an attorney with any questions you may have. Review your state laws. Each state may differ; each school may differ.


My stepdaughter's preschool teacher told my husband and I that he was the first non-custodial parent she had seen come to a parent-teacher conference (and her first students were now sophomores in high school). I hope that more non-custodial parents will take the effort to do this. As the kids get older and into junior high and high school, teachers may not take the time to send newsletters and such. They figure the child is old enough to tell your him or herself and they have so many students that it'd be too difficult. However, schools are online now so you can check the monthly newsletters and calendars and keep up to date without having to rely on the ex sending you information.