Discipline

What is the discipline policy in your blended family household? Do you and your spouse present a united front to the children or is discipline a source of tension in your household? As a bonus parent, do you discipline your step-child? How does your step-child react to being disciplined by you? Does the child's biological parent (your partner) support you? Does the child's other biological parent support your involvement in discipline?

Let me state that when I say "discipline", this only includes appropriate (legal) forms of discipline and does not include any type of abuse.

When you first meet your step-child, the biological parent should handle discipline (unless the misbehavior occurs when the stepchild is in the step-parent's care and the biological parent is not home).

After the "step" relationship has been in existence and established firmly, I believe that it is appropriate for a step-parent to discipline a step-child. However, there should be certain guidelines:

1. The biological parent and the step-parent should discuss inappropriate behaviors and decide on proper discipline routines to use beforehand so everybody (parent, step-parent, and child) knows what is expected of them.


2. The biological parent should support the step-parent's decision to discipline and the action they take ("united front").


3. If the biological parent disagrees with an action the step-parent has taken, the bio-parent should never indicate this in front of the child (again, "united front").
   

If you can keep the discipline policy between the two homes consistent and similar, it would make the child's life a little easier. Sometimes, you have one household who doesn't discipline at all or finds some behaviors acceptable while you would find them inappropriate. If that is the case, stay consistent within your own home. Children can adjust to different routines. I believe it is more effective if both homes back each other up on discipline, but we know this type of cooperation is hard to obtain.