Children's Bill of Rights
>> Friday, April 4, 2008
You are your child's most important teacher. Your child will learn from your actions. Act responsibly, act lovingly, talk to your child, and listen to your child. Hug your child. Tell your child that you love them. Act with dignity and respect so that they will learn dignity and respect for themselves and others. Reassure them that their other parent loves them also. Be honest with your child. If you can't be honest with your child because of something you have done, then maybe what you did wasn't in their best interests?
- The right to be treated as important human beings, with unique feelings, ideas and desires, and not as a source of argument between parents.
- The right to a continuing relationship with both parents and the freedom to receive love from and express love for both.
- The right to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.
- The right to know that their parents' decision to divorce is not their responsibility and that they will continue to be loved by both parents.
- The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents.
- The right to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.
- The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.
- The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
- The right to have both parents not undermine the other parent's time with the children by suggesting tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold parental contact as a punishment for the children's wrongdoing.
- The right to experience regular and consistent contact with both parents and to be protected from parental disputes or disagreements.
Don't expect them to take care of you. Take care of yourself.
Children have the right to not have your anger at their other parent interfere in their own relationship with their parent.
A child has a right to have as much access to their father as they have to their mother.
4 comments:
a child must know their bill of rights, so they would know their boundaries and the people around them. they would fight for their right as a child.
Wish this info was available when my baby sister was going through visitation issues when she was still under 18. Me and my other siblings were old enough not to have to go through that.
I believe these "Rights" should include "The child has the right to establish a loving relationship with a step-parent."
My ex is totally jealous of the relationship my ex has with her step-mom.
Respect between stepchildren and stepparents, or the lack of, is a hotly problematic topic in step and blended families. Usually addressed from a stepparent's point of view, viewing this problem via the stepchild's perspective can be helpful and will help grow stepparent-stepchild respect and trust over time.
Consider the following memos from and about your stepchild:
Set clear limits for me. I know very well I shouldn't have all that I ask for. I'm only testing you, which is part of my job. I need a parent, not just a pal. Be firm with me. I prefer it though I won't say so. It lets me know where I stand.
Lead me rather than force me. If you force me, I learn that power is what really counts. I'll respond much better to being guided.
Be consistent. If you're not, it confuses me and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.
Make promises that you can keep, and keep the promises you make. That grows my trust in you and my willingness to cooperate.
Know that I'm just being provocative when I say and do things to upset you. If you fall for my provocations, I'll try for more such excitement and victories.
Say calm when I say "I hate you." I don't really mean it. I just want you to feel upset and sorry for what I feel you've done to me.
Help me feel big rather than small. When I feel little, I need to act like a "big shot" or a whiney cripple.
Let me do the things I can do for myself. Your doing them for me makes me feel like a baby, and I may keep putting you in my service.
Correct me in private. I can hear you better if you talk quietly with me alone, rather than with other people present. Talk about my behavior when our conflict has calmed down. In the heat of battle somehow my listening gets bad and my cooperation is even worse. It's okay for you to take the actions needed, but let's not talk about it until we all calm down.
Talk with me rather than preach at me. You'd be surprised how well I know what's right and wrong. I need to have my feelings and ideas respected, just like you do-so please listen to them.
Tell me of your anger at my actions without name-calling. If you call me "stupid" or "jerk" or "clumsy" too often I'll start to believe that. Help me learn how to handle anger without harming.
Help me feel that my mistakes are not sins.I need to learn from my errors, without feeling that I'm no good.
Talk firmly without nagging. If you nag over and over, I'll protect myself by growing deaf.
Let my wrong behavior go without demanding big explanations. Often, I really don't know why I did it.
Accept as much as you can of what I'm able to tell you. I'm easily scared into lying if my honesty is taxed too much.
When you teach me things, please keep it simple. If you use big words or get into long confusing explanations, my mind goes somewhere else.
Enjoy me! I have a lot to offer you!
Typical kids of divorce and remarriage also need to replace toxic ways of self-soothing (e.g., addictions, reality distortions, and avoidance) with holistically healthy habits and healthy sources of comfort and reassurance, and need to strengthen their ability to form real, versus faked, attachments to healthy people, ideas, and goals.
All children need to believe, without ambivalence, that their lives have intrinsic worth, promise, and real meaning, rather than feeling old pessimism, worthlessness, and inner emptiness.
Gloria Lintermans, Author: THE SECRETS TO STEPFAMILY SUCCESS: Revolutionary Tools to Create a Blended Family of Support and Respect (Llumina Press),
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