Surprised He Passed 8th Grade

My stepson's report card came in the mail from the school. He failed every final exam except band. "F" all the way down the rows! It made his final grades "A" for band and D's for the rest. In one class, he had D-, D-, F and ended up with a D. I think somebody was definitely padding the grade for him there because the average of D-, D-, and F does NOT make a D.

Despite meeting with his teachers a few times, the ex isn't ensuring he's doing his homework. She puts up a front when she's with his teachers like she cares and then doesn't do a thing at home. He had missing assignments up the yin yang. I'm sorry but at that age, a parent needs to be checking work every night if a kid proves he or she can not be trusted to do their assignments. If she hasn't enforced any rules for the past three years that he's been barely passing his classes (this is an "A" student so he's just not trying), how is she going to get him to pass high school classes?

I've been ticked off. I think dad should tell his ex that their son should come live here so we can monitor his school work if she won't do it. It'd tick her off but who the heck cares at this point? This is about a kid's future. What it may do, if she knew that school failure was one reason to change custody, is spur her to actually parent the kid.

If one of our kids brought home bad grades like that, they'd lose privileges until the grades came up, but it's just brushed under the rug if it's my stepson. I don't understand why. He's getting the short end of the stick in terms of parenting right now (which is probably how he likes it) but at his age, he shouldn't get the choice!

Maybe the ex is hoping he fails at least one year so it prolongs her weekly tax-free checks from dad.

I'm tired of two different treatments for the kids. Stepson can come here and act up and hubby just "talks" to him and the behavior repeats over and over. If our kids were to act up, they get consequences. Our kids are expected to get good grades, as it should be, but stepson can barely pass for the last three school years and everybody just lets him. So hubby's kids can do what they want and say what they want. They run their mom's house and it reaches over into hubby's visitation since the ex enables them by scheduling their summer so there isn't even a week leftover for dad. Dad lets them get away with it though so he's at fault too. It never used to be this way. We had rules, expectations, etc. and they were the same for ALL of the kids and we followed up and rode the ex's backside if she didn't. It's changed in the last few years as the kids have gotten older and dad has let the ex have more control without his input (BIG mistake!) and just accepted that they don't care about him all that much anymore so he just kind of lets them do what they want (hoping if he does he can retain some shred of a relationship with them). When it's based on their own terms and those terms suck, that's just not right. All the years of PAS took it's toll on everybody.

I need to let go. If his own parents won't do for him, there isn't anything I can do but make my TMJ worse (my jaw is hurting so badly right now...stress does it every time). There are times I'd like to forget that I have two stepchildren for the next 2-4 years until they graduate from school and their mother isn't a factor anymore. Sometimes the stress (and the pain) is too much to think about all the time. Sometimes, it seems like it is too much to ask of our own children as well to go through this.