How to discipline for bad grades from a teenager

The ex has been letting my stepson fail for the past three years. When I say "let" I literally mean she didn't do anything about it. He was missing too many assignments, failing tests, not doing his best on homework when he did it. This kid used to be an "A" student. We live 200 miles away so it's not like we could make him sit down and do his homework. Obviously she didn't either and she lives in the same home with him. The school even offered him tutoring at the beginning of this school year. Has he gone to tutoring all year? Nope.

She recently had a meeting with the school about his almost failing several classes (he's right on the edge). Her idea on how to get him to stop teetering on the edge of failure? Give him a reward at the end of the week if he does better. The kid isn't three years old and using a potty training chart! You have to understand that this 13-year-old boy already has an mp3 player, two electric guitars and amps, PSP, Nintendo, XBox, computer, cell phone, expensive clothes, eats out and goes to the movies regularly and basically does whatever he wants. What other "reward" can you give him? Let him goof off on myspace an additional few hours a day if he stops getting D's? Take him to two movies a week instead of one? Buy him two video games instead of just one? How about taking away some of those privileges away instead and giving them back when he brings up his grades? Hmmm...that would be too much like actually giving him CONSEQUENCES and we (she) can't do that!

My stepson loves his guitars. He's just like his dad in that way. If you took those guitars away for a couple weeks until interims came out showing he had improved his grades, I'll bet you he'd bring those grades up quickly. He's capable of it. His teachers know he is and state so in all their reports. He's just not being held accountable by his mom. It's a shame too because he has so much potential and she doesn't care enough to expect him to live up to it...or even attempt to do a little bit.

The ex won't listen to a word dad says and has to do it all her way. She thinks when we ground my stepson when he is here for inappropriate behavior that we are too strict (sending a boy to his room or taking away video games is too strict??). When did expecting your child to be responsible become too strict? Sometimes I worry about what some of these kids in society, like my stepson, are going to be like as adults.

Isn't a child's success or failure in school a custody consideration? I believe it is.