Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex

The Dos and Don’ts of CoParenting with a Narcissist Ex

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White Trash from the Other Side

I don't care how old my kids get. If they behave disrespectfully or nasty, I'm going to call them on it whether they are nine or 19 (or four or 40!).

You would not believe (or maybe you would) the nasty language used on my stepdaughter's Facebook page by my 19yo stepson and one of his friends. It was disgusting and it wasn't filtered so anybody on her FB could see his language - grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, his mother, etc. When I commented on the post that younger siblings could see the post on her FB, the response was "you guys are weird". I couldn't tell if she was directing that at somebody else in the thread or me. If it was directed at me?  I'm weird for not wanting kids to be subject to the most disgusting language (it just wasn't a cuss word...it was nasty smut about what each boy could do with very explicit, white trash language). We ended up taking off our youngest child from her sister's FB so she wouldn't see it. The ex's dad ended up calling my SS out on it on FB - told him to show more respect for his grandmother. The ex? Nah, why should she parent? Why start now? She not only responded passively to it on FB, she allowed it to stay up. You'd think embarrassment alone for how the rest of the family views that behavior and her reaction would be enough for her to do something. Nope. Guess she's done pretending to be something she isn't?

Maybe my expectations are too high. If you raise your kids without rules or consequences, and they act like white trash, I guess they're just behaving in the same way they've always been allowed to when they've been with her.

Nope. I expect MY kids to be respectful. If I raise them to act like white trash, then shame on me.

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Irritable...again

After all these years, I still get SO SICK of this situation at times. Like now.

Who thought the ex would disappear after the kids turned 18 (except for graduations, etc.)? Oh, silly me, I did.

What was I thinking?

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Ex Invited to Family Reunion

My husband's family reunion recently passed.  We didn't go.  It's out of state but I thought about just driving up for the day. However, if I am going to spend eight total hours (round trip) in a car to spend a couple hours with family, I don't want to stare at my husband's ex-girlfriend for those couple hours. Yes, she was invited. She isn't worth the $120 in gas it would take for this trip.

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Still Waiting...

Well, we have not received the termination papers yet showing that legal tie with the ex is closed yet and it still shows open online.  It's a good thing they were so messed up years ago that they didn't get my husband's employer's address into their system correctly for garnishing like the law requires or else they would still be taking child support out of my husband's check. I hate the family court system.  So inept.

The ex was against my husband sending her child support directly for years.  She wanted the court to take it out of his check and for the court to give it to her.  Silly girl.  For more than seven years, we have been sending it directly to the court ourselves and then they'd send it to her - never late, always on time, always what was owed - because they never got the employer information sent out.  We weren't going to complain about that one. :)

I don't think the ex ever had a clue.

Still waiting for that official notice that those legal ties are cut.  Hopefully they'll get it sent out before winter comes so we can have that big bonfire with all this court/ex stuff we have waited years to do.

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Sleepovers at Ex's House?

While we were in the stepkids' state for my ss graduation, sd asked if my oldest daughter could spend the night at her mom's house. After the VERY bad history (years of conflict) with the ex, there is no way we would say yes. I also would not have let my daughter drive an hour late at night with anybody else anyway, which was when she asked, to go to the ex's house...but spend the night at the ex's? I wouldn't give that woman ten minutes with any of my kids alone, let alone an entire night. 

Do your own kids spend the night at the ex's house? 

Wouldn't it be nice if for all those years, there was no hateful conflict and things could look so different now. 

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SS Graduation Over

The graduation is over. Now we wait until the 18th birthday and then the legal relationship with the ex ends. The child support bill stops.  Halle-fricken-lujah!

As usual when we have to deal with the stepkids and their mother, the hubby and I ended our "vacation" with me ready to smack him upside the head.  Made for a long 4-1/2 hours ride home.

Started out my stepdaughter showed up at my mom's house (where hubby, our kids, and I stayed) with little gifts for their siblings and dad. Nada for stepmom. OK, petty, whatever.  If you can hand out gifts to everybody else and ignore one person in the room, good for you. Glad your momma raised you so well. I will assume hubby was oblivious to the slight or else ignoring it and hoping I didn't notice.  I don't WANT gifts...it's the slight that irritated.

I didn't get any "family" picture with me and just my kids on the beach like I wanted. They always included my stepkids.  I have no issue with having family pictures with them.  I think we should have family pictures with them. I'd just like one of just my kids too.  My stepkids aren't MY kids. This was our only vacation this year. How the hell do you tell the stepkids to step out of the picture? I couldn't do that to my husband though I should have and let hubby deal with it. I end up dealing with the crap all the time...should have passed some of it onto him. I'll have to get one in our backyard or something.

There was the graduation picture with just my stepkids, my husband and the ex together. The fake family picture the ex wants at the graduations.  I'm sure she'll want one at baptisms and weddings too.  It makes for a discussion with our younger kids because they don't understand. They never see their half-siblings and the last time they saw the ex was two years ago and before that - several years. They don't know her. My younger ones wouldn't even recognize her. It confuses them to see their dad with another woman.  That's their dad and family and she is standing there with him posing for pictures instead of them and/or me. Doesn't give me warm fuzzies either though I understand my stepkids probably want pictures of their parents - and the other side of me (the one with the little devil on my shoulder) dislikes these pictures. They've NEVER been together as a four member family unit. We dealt with this two years ago with my stepdaughter's graduation here and here. It's uncomfortable and awkward.

Hubby thanks me afterwards for putting up with all the stress of the graduation weekend but ya know what? It doesn't have to be so damn stressful and it wouldn't be if he'd change HIS behavior a bit. I'm still ticked at him and we've been home for two days.

There was more...but I'm getting irritated.

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SS Graduating: Dad Not Getting Ticket to Go

My SS is graduating.  Dad already took off the week from work so we could travel to their state for it, found a dog sitter, made arrangements on where to stay, etc.

Well, it has happened again this year.  The school gives him eight tickets for family to attend his graduation.  Out of those eight tickets, how many do you think dad is getting?  NONE!

He was told yesterday that he would have to find his own tickets to attend. I doubt my SS knows about this since he and his dad talk almost everyday and I can't imagine he would do that to his dad at this point. I think it's the ex and my SD (they pulled stunts two years ago when SD graduated as well) doing this.

Geez, I hope she at least wished him a Happy Easter before she basically told him where to go.

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11 more child support payments until the LEGAL relationship ends with the ex. To say we are excited is an understatement!

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Almost Down to One Year Left

Spring is going to start to feel like it's ready to spring in about a month (though we've had such a mild winter anyway).  In a few months, we will be down to one year left before the legal relationship with the ex is completely done.  One year!!  Holy cow!! Can't wait for that one year mark.

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Christmas & the Stepkids

Well, I waited to post about Christmas and the stepkids (as I said in my last post I was going to do).  I didn't want to make any predictions...though I knew exactly what was going to happen.

When I wrote that last post, my kids sat wrapping presents from them to their older half-siblings to add to the box of already over $300 worth of gifts going to my stepkids.  As they sat and wrapped, my husband opened a small UPS box he'd just received from the ex's place of employment.  It was an unwrapped sweatshirt stuffed into the box (literally stuffed and bulging) and a Christmas card signed from my two stepkids to their dad - only.  My husband, after opening his present from his children, hoped that it wasn't going to be the only thing from his kids to this house - - hoped they weren't going to ignore everybody else.  I mentioned how sad it was that as our kids wrap presents to their older siblings, they get ignored by them.  I don't actually expect them to spend money on any of us anymore for anything but they should have addressed their Christmas card to everybody - at least their siblings too.  That was a deliberate snub.  Nothing else came.

I mentioned during this discussion that we only had about $25 in the budget for a birthday gift for my stepdaughter (who turns 19 in two days) and told my husband when the latest it would have to be mailed out for her to get it in time.  I leave the rest to him.  Considering how today was that mailing cut-off date and my husband hasn't done anything yet, I am thinking this is going to be the first year her present is late, if he plans to send her one.  I don't care.  It's not my problem.  Unless he plans to spend the money he's been saving to replace his crappy computer, all she will get is $25 out of our budget - if he sends it.

I'm sure my husband probably received a Merry Christmas text from his children and perhaps even a thank you  from them via text though last I heard, he hadn't heard that they'd even received it (yeah, good thing we pay for the tracking to know they did).  The rest of us heard nothing.

I will be removing my stepdaughter from my Facebook.  She already dissed me over her graduation ceremony.  She doesn't get to act snotty to me on Facebook, totally dis her siblings during the holidays - who have never done a thing to either of them but love them, and then hold her hand out for expensive gifts (and oh wow...did she use her gift for the worst tattoo ever - wow is it awful).  The fallout from my blocking my stepdaughter from my FB will be felt through the whole family on his side - the ex and stepdaughter will make sure of it.  That will leave my husband to explain why to his adult "child" when she throws a fit (despite her age, she is emotionally stunted - due to the prozac or her mother or both - who knows), to his parents and rest of his family.  It's beyond time for him to speak out anyway.

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Blame It On The Cell Phone?

I guess hubby didn't give his ex his new cell phone number (she has our email and home number) because a text came in for him last night on my daughter's cell phone (his old number).  Maybe the ex will think she just has bad cell reception when he doesn't answer and should invest in a wilson booster to boost her service, lol.

I let my husband know his ex sent him a text that their teenage son had an ingrown hair that she took him to the doctor for - so silly. The doctor told her to soak it - duh! Nothing serious - didn't need to be cut or anything.  Maybe she scared him into thinking he had testicular cancer and had to get it checked out (like she did with my stepdaughter when she was his age).  I'm not sure if I should be annoyed over that doctor service call, monetarily-speaking, unhappy that she's turning the kids into being as neurotic as she is, or laugh because she is just so ridiculous!

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Answer Door in Lingerie?

How many women answer the door in lingerie when their ex's are coming to pick up the kids?  I was remembering when the ex tried answering the door in hardly nothing (and she didn't realize that I was picking up the kids for my husband, lol). I am thinking it is more common than seeing a man answering the door in mens sexy lingerie for their ex?

Too funny. One of those "ex" moments that always makes me chuckle a bit all these years later.

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Another Week, Another Birth Control Bill

Apparently, the ex was just getting caught up with the birth control bills she has been sending to dad. The bill we received last week was for my adult stepchild for October.  The bill we received the other day was for November.  She's all caught up now.  Good for her.  Hope she's not holding her breath.

I expect by the second week of December, we'll have another $60 bill and I'll just have more paper for the HGUE bonfire in one year, six months, and 11 days (when my stepson graduates).  Silly me thought the ex would go away where it concerned contact with us regarding my adult stepdaughter.

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Another Birth Control Bill - is the ex clueless or hoping?

We received ANOTHER new bill for my adult stepdaughter's birth control from my husband's ex-girlfriend.  I am wondering how many more times the ex is going to send us the monthly birth control bill for my adult stepdaughter, who we have no legal obligation to pay support for, let alone pay for her birth control - $60 per month - before she gets a clue! 

Even if child support was still ordered paid on my stepdaughter, which it isn't, birth control would never be a legal obligation.  

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I think I might hurl...

The ex just left a message on my sister-in-law's facebook and called her "sister" - my husband and his ex were never married.  She tried...oh boy did she try to drag him kicking and screaming down the aisle 17+ years ago.  She's such an idiot.

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40 Years Old Today

Today is my 40th birthday!  Yikes!  Happy Birthday to me!

What does 40 mean to me?

• No more babies for one.  We are finished with procreating.  Between us, we have six kids, funds could not possibly get any tighter, and the risks for baby go up at my age. I'll enjoy buying personalized baby gifts for family and friends with babies, enjoy my baby-free time, and hope my kids hold off for many years with giving me grandkids.  

• I am on the downhill now.  That is kind of depressing.  People tell me that 40 is the new 30.  Really?  I didn't have these lines on my face at 30, my stomach was tight, my joints didn't ache when I stood up, things didn't jiggle, and I hadn't been introduced to gravity yet.  

• I need to pay more attention to my health.  I have for my thyroid disease but the rest - not so much.  I've not had a mammogram yet (and boy am I dreading that).  Squash!  Ouch!

• Finally, we are about one year and seven months away from no more legal ties to the ex!  Woot! Woot!  Somebody better get to squashing some grapes because I am going to need cases of champagne for that party!

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Our Insurance Billed for Ex's Psychiatrist Visit? Huh?

Argh!  I just checked online for our insurance medical claims and there is a medical claim for my stepdaughter's psychiatrist for HER MOTHER for over $100.  If the ex is seeing a psychiatrist - yeah for her.  She should've done that 15 years ago.  Our insurance shouldn't be getting billed for it though!  They were never married so it's not even remotely a possibility.  Geesh.

I'm assuming the provider made a mistake and billed our insurance, as they would for my stepdaughter, but it's just irritating to see this crap pop up and have to spend time getting it sorted out with the insurance company and provider. I think I'll just e-mail the ex and tell her that her psychiatrist bill, that we didn't even know she was seeing, is billing our insurance for her visit and let her take care of it with her mental health professional.  Yup, sounds like a plan to me.

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Ever wonder about DNA in your house?

The ex posted a link to a picture of her boss on my stepdaughter's Facebook today.  Her boss of 22 years looks like my stepson.  My husband and I talked about it years ago because as a child, I thought my stepson looked like her boss back then.  Guess what?  He still does as a teenager, in my opinion.  Coincidence?  I've always wondered.

Oh well, that's enough time spent on ex stuff today.  I have things to research (prices for a rheem heat pump being one of them) plus I need to YouTube a "how to" video on how to change the tub spout in the bathroom.  I figured I fixed the toilet by myself last month, changing out the spout in the tub should be easy too? I hope anyway.

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What has the ex accused you of?

What are some truly pathetic things you have been accused of?

• I've been accused of stealing my stepdaughter's black leggings when she was four years old. Seriously - I STOLE a pair of leggings?  Too pathetic.  The ex and her sister called to gripe and accuse me.  They had nothing better to do?  I had sent them back with my stepdaughter when she went to her mom's house clean and folded like I always did.  You know, that wicked stepmom doing her stepchildren's laundry and folding it neatly so it all went back to mom's house clean.  Then my stepdaughter wore them back to our house the next time she came over!  Hm, guess I didn't steal them.  Nope, no apology from the ex for that accusation (I didn't hold my breath waiting for one).

• I've been accused of stealing my husband's manhood.  That one cracked me up!  I'm just a regular thief! I told her if she'd known what to do with his manhood to begin with, she wouldn't have lost it herself.  Yeah, I'm not nice when stupidity tries to cause problems in my family.

• My husband was accused of stalking by the ex.  She said he sat outside her trailer and watched her because somebody told her they saw his car there - yeah, to pick up his kids!  I told her he didn't want her when he lived with her and that he and I were always together and she wasn't my type:)  That shut her up.  Give an uptight homophobe that line and she backs right off, lol. 

• The ex tried to tell my hubby that I pushed their daughter when she was little (the same little girl who never did anything wrong as a little one and who was always sweet and loving...never laid a finger on either stepchild, never did and never will).  The ex did whatever she could to come between us. Her plan failed.

This is the same woman who, last year, sent her daughter to me to try to help her because she was having an emotional crisis.  Amazing what happens over the years.

Now I just wish she'd go away except for the few times a year we have to deal with her for my stepson.  These monthly bill sending sprees she has been on since my stepdaughter became an adult, that we aren't liable for, is getting old. She really needs to get a life.  It's been long enough.  Isn't 16 years long enough to stay hung up on the past and your ex?

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