Blame It On The Cell Phone?

I guess hubby didn't give his ex his new cell phone number (she has our email and home number) because a text came in for him last night on my daughter's cell phone (his old number).  Maybe the ex will think she just has bad cell reception when he doesn't answer and should invest in a wilson booster to boost her service, lol.

I let my husband know his ex sent him a text that their teenage son had an ingrown hair that she took him to the doctor for - so silly. The doctor told her to soak it - duh! Nothing serious - didn't need to be cut or anything.  Maybe she scared him into thinking he had testicular cancer and had to get it checked out (like she did with my stepdaughter when she was his age).  I'm not sure if I should be annoyed over that doctor service call, monetarily-speaking, unhappy that she's turning the kids into being as neurotic as she is, or laugh because she is just so ridiculous!

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Ex Not Advising Dad

The ex also sent us a bill for my stepson for glasses. The bill is dated at the end of July though we just received it two days ago.  Guess what?  The ex never told my husband his son needed glasses. That whole "advise dad" stuff in the court order must not apply to her though sending bills to us still does apply.

Considering she allowed him to get $190 glasses, when our insurance would've fully covered plenty of other ones not out of pocket, we could fight this for unreasonable and unnecessary if we wanted to.  I've not gotten that far yet.  Still working on this BS with my adult stepdaughter and the bills the ex just sent us.  Fun times!

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Ex Scamming Us?

We received another bill from the ex for my adult stepdaughter for an eye appointment.

First, we aren't legally required to pay for this. SD is an adult.

Second, the bill was for $180.50 even though my husband has good eye insurance.  Never have we received a bill this high for my sd's eyes so I did a little research.  I'm waiting to hear back from the eye insurance company but from what I can tell from the bill the ex sent us and the online statement at our eye insurance company, the ex allowed my stepdaughter to get both new glasses and contacts at once (in the past, it's always been either/or, never both because insurance only covers one or the other in a year).  The ex billed us for the contacts (which weren't covered at all BECAUSE her new glasses that my stepdaughter got, per our insurer online, were covered by our insurance instead).  The ex didn't tell us about the glasses!  Scammer. Unreasonable and unnecessary mean anything?   That's assuming we were legally obligated to pay for any of this - which we are not.  SD should get a job (yeah, she quit her very part-time job awhile ago).

Does the ex think we're stupid and she could pull one over on us?  Does she think that now that my sd is an adult that the rules change?  The only rules that changed as far as I can see is that WE AREN'T LEGALLY REQUIRED TO PAY FOR ANY OF THIS.

The ex never talked to us about whether we'd be willing to pay for my sd's stuff after she turned 18. She's just assuming we are.  She really shouldn't assume anything.

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Stepdaughter Needs Prozac...to deal with her mother?

I was texting with my 17-year-old stepdaughter today to find out how she's doing (panic attacks, anxiety, losing weight...she was just put on prozac which I don't think is the fix for her but what do I know).  She's away at band camp right now and she is fine.  She says she feels fine when she isn't at home (at her mom's).  It's when she is at home (with her mother) that she has the problems and needs the prozac to fix that.  That's what she told me. 

Um...what does that tell ya?

When she was here in April - not one panic attack, not one anxiety upset, she ate regular meals, etc.  She goes home to her mother's and within hours, she's flipping out with emotional meltdowns again.

The one place she should feel secure and safe, at her mother's where she spends most of her time, is where she loses it.  Why don't the therapists she has right now see this?  All the other therapists my stepkids have seen for the last decade all came to the same conclusion - their mother was their problem.  Why isn't her current therapist and psychiatrist seeing this?  I'll bet you that the ex didn't let them know she was fine when she was HERE and that it only happens when she is with her mother. 

I think hubby needs to send a letter to the therapist for his experience with his daughter when she's with us.

One more year, one more year.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...I'll be the little engine that could to get through this next year for my stepdaughter (though still have a few years left with my stepson).  I can't wait until she graduates high school and starts college so we no longer have the ex between her and us.  Which reminds me, I need to tell her about this place to sell textbooks after she's done with them in college for a little financial help.  I still can't believe she turned down two FREE years of college near us (special program through our high school) so she could stay for band her senior year at her current school (she wouldn't have needed the prozac either like she does while living with her mom). 

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Ex Translation

I got this information from the insurance company ~

Once a week chiropractor visits (our translation) for my stepdaughter translates into this in the ex's mind:

First Week: 2 Visits
Second Week: 3 Visits
Third Week: 3 Visits
Fourth Week: 3 Visits
Fifth Week: 2 Visits

I will never grasp what goes through that woman's mind. Need attention much?

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Calling Her a Twit is Nice

My stepdaughter was going to a chiropractor for TMJ and possible scoliosis. The ex told us her doctor and chiropractor (where her family member works) said she had scoliosis. We were told the chiropractor visits were once a week and once a week is what we agreed to pay half of after insurance. In that time period, the ex also started taking my stepson to the chiropractor because she thought he had the same problem as my stepdaughter and he had bad posture. She didn't give hubby a chance to agree or disagree before she took him like she is legally bound to do. The the pediatric orthopedic surgeon who saw my stepdaughter said there was nothing wrong with her back. There's also nothing wrong with my stepson's back other than the need to tell him to stand up straight! Unbelievable!!

Fast forward to now...we get an Explanation of Benefits for my stepdaughter for two months worth of visits. She wasn't going once a week as the ex told hubby and what he agreed to pay for. The ex was taking her every 2 - 3 days! What the heck? In addition, because of all these visits, the insurance company isn't paying them - they're doing a review on the case.

Nice! We agreed to once a week! If the insurance company refuses to cover most of these visits, all I am writing a check for is one per week, as we agreed upon. The ex can stew in her lies and pay the cost.

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Pay for Chiropractic Care for Teenaged Slouching? Huh?

I wrote earlier today about the chiropractic care for the stepkids and how even though my stepson's spinal x-rays were normal, the ex had taken him to the chiropractor anyway. We asked her to clarify the medical necessity of doing that.

Get this...she doesn't want his spine to get as bad as my stepdaughter's is right now (um...her x-rays were normal too per the pediatric orthopedic specialist) AND he has bad posture. So where is the medical necessity?

Teenagers slouch. So tell the kid to stand up straight already! We should pay for a chiropractor to see him every week because she can't tell him to stand up straight, because he's acting like half the teenage population by slouching? I'm not sure if I should be rolling on the floor laughing or picking my jaw up off the floor in shock. I guess I'll trip over my jaw on the floor as I go down laughing.

Is this similar to the fact that she can't tell him to behave? To listen to rules? To do homework? To bring his grades up? To stop cussing?

If it were me and I had acted like I couldn't stand the father of my kids or his family for over a decade, I would feel a bit silly because it might be perceived that she was coming up with things for: 1) attention? 2) an excuse for contact?

I have NO problem with medically necessary services. We always pay our support, insurance and health expenses for the kids. Never is a dime left owing. When it comes to medically unnecessary trips, no way.

*Picture from http://www.gobodacious.com/images/PutYourFootDown.jpg

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Good News & Let's Hemorrhange Money News

My stepdaughter doesn't have scoliosis. The specialist who saw her and looked at the x-rays says there is nothing wrong with her spine. That's good news.

The ex had x-rays of my stepson's back done too (let's just keep radiating the kids without ample cause to) and his spine is within normal range. The ex took him to the chiropractor anyway! She sent an email asking hubby what he thought about it (chiropractor care and paying for it) right before she took him to his chiropractor appointment - nothing like giving hubby time to actually SEE the email! She knew he wouldn't see it for six hours after she'd sent it - after she'd already taken him to the chiropractor. So why did she take him? No idea. Hubby did end up responding back about not seeing the medical necessity of it. Like we can afford to send a kid to the chiropractor who doesn't need it!

My daughter, who fell from a swing and fractured her wrist and hurt her back could use a chiropractor right now for her back pain. Trying to figure out how to pay for it when we're struggling not to lose our house at the moment. My stepdaughter is still going to go to the chiropractor to see if it helps with her TMJ and hubby will pay for his share for this month and then has requested another review to see if it is helping and medically necessary. However, we will not pay for my stepson to go when there's nothing wrong with him. Yeah, right.

It's too bad she didn't show this much interest in his mental health all those years he needed help.

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Ink Tattoos

The title may be misleading, because I'm not writing about the real tattoos that involve a needle and ink. Been there, done that and now have it permanently inked into my hip forever. I'm talking about the children who take pens or markers and draw all over themselves (their skin and their clothes). How hard is that to get out? I know I've pulled laundry out of the dryer to find that the ink stain was still there and wasn't going to come out. It's annoying to spend money on clothes only to have them permanently stained.

What if there was an easier way to remove ink stains? There's a product called amodex that removes ink stains. It also removed a ton of other stains so you should check out the amodex web site and see all the different inks, foods, and other things it can get out.

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Still Not Making Sense (Though She Never Did)

She's doing it again...

SD has a referral to an oral surgeon for TMJ. The first doctor she was referred to (that story is here) wasn't covered by ex's (primary) insurance but she didn't verify that until she asked us to check our insurance (she's primary so it didn't make sense). Now she has a second referral to a different doctor. She wants us to check to see if this doctor is covered by our insurance and THEN she will see what her insurance covers with the billing codes.

If she is just going to find a third referral if her insurance doesn't cover this referral (like she did the first time), why should I bother finding out if our insurance covers anything first before she does that? I don't get her at all. I don't want to waste my time AGAIN, like I did the first time.

She makes NO sense at all to me.

It would make sense to most people for HER to contact her insurance company with the billing codes and find out what exactly they will or won't cover. If they cover enough that she still wants to use this referral, THEN ask us to see if that doctor is in-network with our insurance too. If they don't, she'd move onto a different doctor anyway so what's the dang point? Oh yeah, it's her head. There's the point.

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Paybacks for Ex

My husband's employer requires annual check-ups with blood work for cholesterol, eye check-ups, and dental visits. They assign a point level to each thing and you have to accumulate a certain number of points or else you get the lower quality insurance that costs us more and covers less.

My husband balks at doing this every year. I think he's just afraid of anybody in lab coats! I don't know a man who has ever liked going to the doctors though. I don't like it either but he has no choice because with four kids, I'm not accepting inadequate insurance coverage for them (or losing my husband to something that could be easily fixed if caught early).

The deadline is mid-August so I've got his eye and dental visits scheduled and now have to work on the preventative doctor's visit. Being over 40, he's due for a prostate screening. I should just schedule it with his regular doctor and not tell him. That'd be a big surprise at the doctor's visit for him eh? Payback for all the stress of dealing with his ex? That's just my more evil side talking. I'd tell him first. Maybe.

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I Don't Get Her

My stepdaughter is supposed to wear a mouth guard due to jaw pain/popping. We had to pay more out-of-pocket because insurance didn't cover much of it. When she was here for Spring Break, we asked her about it because she wasn't wearing it. She said that once the pain stopped, she stopped wearing the mouth guard and then when she needed it again (due to pain), she said it didn't fit anymore.

Then we get an email from the ex recently that my stepdaughter is being referred by the dentist to an oral surgeon. We questioned if surgery was the next logical choice given that my stepdaughter hadn't even been wearing her mouth guard. According to the ex, she does wear it...you know, the usual high and mighty tone ex's can take when they write. Yeah, ok, when? She certainly didn't bring it here when she stayed for a week and my stepdaughter said it didn't fit anymore. Who is lying?

Anyway, the ex wanted to know if this oral surgeon is in-network for our insurance (which is secondary to the ex's insurance). I contacted them to find out and he is. I let the ex know. I realized she hadn't told us if he was in-network to hers. Given she's primary insurance holder, you'd think she would have checked before contacting us about it right? No. Come to find out, as of right now, he's not. They're sending her the codes they'd bill under so she can contact her insurance again but she said they might have to get a referral to somebody else.

What a dimwit! Why wouldn't she have checked that first before contacting us to find out if ours was if she was going to get a different referral anyway if her primary insurance wouldn't cover it? I swear that she must type BS just to get some type of contact now and then. Kind of like a "yoo hoo, remember me?" email!?!

Another thing that hasn't even been mentioned is that my stepdaughter plays the clarinet (band, marching band, jazz band). That kind of tension on the jaw while you play (I played clarinet), when you have TMJ, would continue to cause strain. I have TMJ (thanks to all the BS from the ex over the years) so I know. Has anybody considered that losing the clarinet might be a better choice to try first rather than cutting open a teenager's jaw? I wonder if the dentist even knows she plays.

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Hemorrhage Money to Ex

Do you ever feel like you just hemorrhage money to the ex?

We have vision insurance on my stepkids. It covers lenses annually and new frames (up to a certain amount) every other year. The ex's insurance doesn't include vision.

My stepdaughter got new glasses last year of which the ex allowed her to buy way over what insurance covered (that we paid for even though we didn't have to). She just had her annual check-up a week ago and instead of just getting her new lenses for last year's expensive frames, the ex bought her new frames too. Cha-Ching! She sent us the bill.

My stepson, for the first time, needs glasses this year. Apparently, he doesn't want to wear them so the ex didn't get him any. He's 13. I'm sorry but I'd remove both his uber expensive guitars from his little hands until he wore the dang things (at least in my presence).

So glasses for my stepson, that would've been covered, the ex doesn't get because he doesn't want them (nevermind the exam showed he needed them). Frames for my stepdaughter, who only needed new lenses, she gets even though it's not covered by insurance, leaving a bill to send to daddy. Do you ever wonder what your spouse was thinking when it comes to their ex?

Then there's me. I was due for new frames 6-8 months ago but haven't gone because we don't have the extra money for co-pays. I have very bad vision and really need to go but put it off because of money.

Whatcha wanna bet that we pay for my stepdaughter's frames that she didn't need and that insurance didn't cover? We aren't legally bound to but you know how it goes...

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Son's Eyes

I thought for sure my son was going to need glasses this year but his exam this morning showed he doesn't. He's been complaining of blurred vision and blue spots. His eye exam didn't show a thing. Either he is straining his eyes with too many video games or I need to talk to his pediatrician about those spots to see if they can mean anything else that an optometrist wouldn't pick up. He isn't going to like this at all, but his video game time just got restricted substantially. I need to see if this changes anything for him. Oh boy is he going to be upset!

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When does dealing with the ex get better?

In the ongoing saga of finding a neurologist for my stepson's ADHD, the ex sent us a list of doctors she wanted considered. First she didn't even check to see if they took her insurance first (duh). Got that rectified (for the most part...one of the docs she said did take our insurance really didn't).

Anyway, one of the doctors she sent us to consider for my stepson has caused some confusion. First, she said they told her they would develop the management plan for my stepson. Then she said their other office (I'll call it office XYZ) would be better suited for my stepson because of his age and she gave us the number to that office.

I called office XYZ. They don't accept our insurance. They didn't even know who this doctor was that the ex said referred her to them. That doc doesn't work there. They had to look her up themselves.

So, I sent an email to the ex letting her know that the original doctor didn't accept our insurance (as the ex told us it did) and that Office XYZ doesn't accept our insurance. I advised her that this office didn't know who this doctor was and I asked her which doctor at Office XYZ she was considering so we could look into it.

Her response: Original doc can't see him because of his age (so why give us the doc's number to research as a possible doc for him?) and that she didn't call Office XYZ, speak with any of their physicians, and she knows nothing about them (so why give us their phone number to call for consideration for stepson's ADHD if she had no intention of considering them at all?).

This isn't rocket science. This doesn't have to be difficult. Why does she have to make everything big fire-ringed hoops we have to jump through?

So to answer my question in the subject:

When does dealing with the ex get better?

• 4 Years, 11 Months, and Two Weeks

That is when the youngest stepchild graduates from high school and the legal relationship with the ex ends.

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