Our Insurance Billed for Ex's Psychiatrist Visit? Huh?

Argh!  I just checked online for our insurance medical claims and there is a medical claim for my stepdaughter's psychiatrist for HER MOTHER for over $100.  If the ex is seeing a psychiatrist - yeah for her.  She should've done that 15 years ago.  Our insurance shouldn't be getting billed for it though!  They were never married so it's not even remotely a possibility.  Geesh.

I'm assuming the provider made a mistake and billed our insurance, as they would for my stepdaughter, but it's just irritating to see this crap pop up and have to spend time getting it sorted out with the insurance company and provider. I think I'll just e-mail the ex and tell her that her psychiatrist bill, that we didn't even know she was seeing, is billing our insurance for her visit and let her take care of it with her mental health professional.  Yup, sounds like a plan to me.

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SD Ticked Off - Again. Is it the Prozac?

We can't figure out what is wrong with my sd.  She's so angry all the time anymore. The only time I hear from her is when she thinks she has to complain about something.  I asked hubby if he talked to her last night and he said they argued last night, like usual (usual since Prozac, not usual over the last 18 years).  Is it possible that Prozac has changed her from the sweet kid she was into the hostile person she is now?

We can do nothing right apparently.  She graduates in June.  She planned her graduation party in July. We can not afford two trips to their state within that short amount of time.  We are going to her graduation ceremony because that is most important.  A party in July - not so much.  A party with her mother's side of the family who hates us - definitely not so much.  We had asked her months ago if we could take her out after her ceremony to celebrate and she said no.  So yesterday, she asked me on facebook why we weren't coming to her graduation party too the next month.  I explained it to her (finances, it's not that we don't want to but financially, we can't swing two out-of-state trips so soon).

"Well, if it's such a hassle don't bother coming at all then."  (That's what she told me.)

I realize you have been warped by your mother and are now spoiled, never having to work for anything and have no concept of financial responsibilities but grow the hell up.

No, I didn't say that to her.

I told her we loved them and missed them and wanted to see them and were coming to see her graduate in June.  All I got back from that was a "yea" - yea, what?  Yea as in "ok, sorry I bitched at you because you didn't deserve it? or "yea, right, I don't believe you"?

After that, I guess she moved onto her dad to complain to him all night long while he was at work.

I'm so tired of this.  

Does anybody have any personal experience with Prozac?  Can it make a normally nice kid hostile and aggressive?

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Mentally Unstable Moms Raising Kids

I was just catching up on reading on one of my favorite blogs, when I came across a post about a mother (have to use that term loosely here) exaggerating minor scrapes (from bike riding) to the point of taking the child to the ER to make the other parent look bad (it didn't work thankfully).  It reminded me of what my husband's ex put their daughter through when she was four years old.

The ex used to make the exchange hell for the kids.  Leave with their dad?  Not without tears and a major guilt-trip laid on the kids! 

'Hey kids, while you drive away to spend a little time with your dad, watch me stand at the end of our driveway and cry my eyes out until you turn the corner and can't see me anymore so you worry about me endlessly and don't have any fun with your dad or siblings until you want to come home so I don't cry without you anymore .' 

Yes, that is something my stepson has said - mommy is crying at home without me...I have to go home.

Anyhow, you can imagine what this does to the kids at the time of the exchange - it tears them apart.  A big symptom was stomachaches at the time of the exchange.  Of course, the ex couldn't possibly believe anything SHE had been doing could be the cause of all that pain.  There must be a worrisome medical reason for it.  Let's take the child to the doctor about the stomach pains, not provide them all the proper information (like when it was happening and what you were doing at the time to cause the stress to the child), and put them through scans, x-rays, stool checks and enemas! 

So, how did we stop the ex's continuing saga to find a potentially fatal medical reason for the pains because she didn't have the mental capacity to understand it was HER BEHAVIOR doing it (she thought she was perfect after all)?  We went to the pediatrician's office, gave him the information he should have been given by the ex at the child's first doctor visit, and he stopped all the testing on the poor kid and gave the ex a referral for therapy for the child.  Of course, once the child was in therapy, the therapist saw it was mom's behavior causing the problem and wanted to counsel mom. Mom was too perfect and wasn't doing anything wrong so she refused and took the child out of therapy.  She did this with each therapist who had the nerve to question her behavior as the reason for the children's problems. 

Yeah, that kid who went through hell medically, mentally, and emotionally at the hands of her mother as a four-year-old is now on drugs to help her cope.  Her stress/anxiety levels with her mother were so high, she couldn't cope with anything.  If she'd accidentally brush against her mother in the hallway?  Anxiety and apologies. God forbid she had to burp like most teenagers are apt to do! Seriously! She was so anxious concerning her mother that daily life had her frozen in fear. 

I was hoping my stepdaughter would go a few hours away to college in the fall, but she is going to a college within an hour of home, and within ten minutes of her mother's work.  So much for getting away from her mother.  I'd bet that her mother will have standing dinner dates with her daughter at least a couple times a week.  Leave mommy?  Never!

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Pay For SD's Meds for 41 More Years? That was a doozy!

Wow, that was a nightmare.

This morning, I was woken up by a really bad dream.  In the dream, we had received legal notice that the ex was taking my husband back to court to get him to pay for my stepdaughter's medication through the year 2052!  (In real life, this is a medication we don't agree with my now 18-year-old stepdaughter taking but it makes it easier for her to handle the anxieties she has around her mother so she thinks she needs them - as opposed to just dealing with her mother and the fact that her mother has made my stepdaughter fearful of everything.)  In the dream, it was a different drug than what she is taking now though - the dream drug was something like Haldol or something like that. 

I looked up Haldol.  It is an antipsychotic medication.  Perhaps the dream should've been about the ex needing it instead!

Wow, wonder what the meaning is behind this dream.  Hard to figure out.  That would be sarcasm.

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Teenage Health - Acne, Weight, Irregular Cycles, Moods

I just finished reading Dr. Erika's Hormone Solution for Your Daughter (Dr. Erika Schwartz) and it was a good book.  I like solutions that give you other options for behaviors other than just Prozac and other options for regulating a teen's menstrual cycle other than birth control pills.  There is a lot more information in the book as well (such as weight and acne) and the use of supplements like natural progesterone (natural, not synthetic), Coenzyme Q, L-carnitine, B-complex, Omega-3, Vitamin C, Iron, Magnesium, and calcium supplements.

My stepson was diagnosed with ADHD years ago and I can say, by experience, that Omega-3 made a HUGE difference in his ADHD symptoms.  He wasn't hyper or misbehaving while on them and when I'd forget to give them to him - wow!  Noticeable difference.  I give all of our kids the gummy Omega-3 supplements, not just my stepson when he's here, for their health.  At first, they hated the taste of them but within a week, they all loved them.  My stepson's mother wouldn't give him Omega-3 though unless his pediatrician told her she could and his pediatrician only had him on ADHD drugs that made him tired and hurt his stomach.  Big Pharma won out there.

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Prozac Bills Came in the Mail

The prescription bills from the ex came in the mail today for my stepdaughter's Prozac for us to reimburse.  Did I ever tell you how much I HATE having to pay for things we don't agree with, things we think could even be harmful? 

When my stepdaughter was here, she didn't have ONE anxiety/panic attack.  She didn't cry and carry on at all.  When we talked to her about her anxiety/OCD behaviors at her mom's house, everything she told us (when it would happen, why it would happen) related to her mother.  Why should WE have to pay to medicate a child because of her mother's behavior?

I'm sorry but that is screwed up. 

I don't mind reimbursing for necessary expenses.  We just don't feel Prozac was a necessary expense or good for a teenager to be taking under these circumstances.  Therapy (for mom) would be great!

One point for my husband's parents (who usually don't talk negatively about the ex) when they were here this past weekend - they don't agree with Prozac for their teenage granddaughter either and they base that on experience with one of their own daughter's.  (My mother-in-law also told me this past weekend that the ex doesn't bother to send her pictures anymore.)  The ex seems to be losing favor with the in-laws.  If you know the history with the ex and in-laws, after 15 years, it's about time.

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Stepdaughter Needs Prozac...to deal with her mother?

I was texting with my 17-year-old stepdaughter today to find out how she's doing (panic attacks, anxiety, losing weight...she was just put on prozac which I don't think is the fix for her but what do I know).  She's away at band camp right now and she is fine.  She says she feels fine when she isn't at home (at her mom's).  It's when she is at home (with her mother) that she has the problems and needs the prozac to fix that.  That's what she told me. 

Um...what does that tell ya?

When she was here in April - not one panic attack, not one anxiety upset, she ate regular meals, etc.  She goes home to her mother's and within hours, she's flipping out with emotional meltdowns again.

The one place she should feel secure and safe, at her mother's where she spends most of her time, is where she loses it.  Why don't the therapists she has right now see this?  All the other therapists my stepkids have seen for the last decade all came to the same conclusion - their mother was their problem.  Why isn't her current therapist and psychiatrist seeing this?  I'll bet you that the ex didn't let them know she was fine when she was HERE and that it only happens when she is with her mother. 

I think hubby needs to send a letter to the therapist for his experience with his daughter when she's with us.

One more year, one more year.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...I'll be the little engine that could to get through this next year for my stepdaughter (though still have a few years left with my stepson).  I can't wait until she graduates high school and starts college so we no longer have the ex between her and us.  Which reminds me, I need to tell her about this place to sell textbooks after she's done with them in college for a little financial help.  I still can't believe she turned down two FREE years of college near us (special program through our high school) so she could stay for band her senior year at her current school (she wouldn't have needed the prozac either like she does while living with her mom). 

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Stepdaughter on Prozac

Without getting all the blood tests to see if there was an imbalance somewhere, they put my stepdaughter on prozac.  One visit to the psychiatrist and a prescription for prozac.  I hope she doesn't start to have suicidal thoughts like my niece did when she was put on prozac for anxiety. 

When my stepdaughter was here, there were no signs of anxiety.  There were no panic attacks.  There were no obsessive-compulsive symptoms at all.  The OCD symptoms she displays at her mother's relate to her constant apologizing to her mother for perceived wrongs, even if she thinks she might have done something wrong but didn't, she needs to apologize (her need to make sure she hasn't insulted her mother in any way).  The anxiety and panic attacks is when she thinks there is something she did wrong that she needs to tell her mom about but is afraid to and she has a panic attack.  This isn't my "guessing" - it is what my stepdaughter told me. 

Why is it easier to feed her a pill than address the root of the problem - the same problem that has existed all these years and through multipe therapists for both kids that all said - mom is the problem.  This last therapist said - give her prozac.  Why not give MOM prozac instead of the kid? 

That makes me sad for her.

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Thank you, Ex. You are worthless.

Argh!  Talk about irritating!  With my stepdaughter's problems this past year (20 pound weight loss, anxiety, OCD symptoms, inability to focus/concentrate, etc.), the ex had blood tests done for her a few weeks ago.  Yeah, good idea (something hubby had asked her to do six months ago but because it came from our house, I guess she didn't feel like doing it then).  We asked her to get specific blood tests to check for thyroid problems, adrenal problems, or anemia.  She said she would.  She sent us copies of the labs and they are missing a few important ones.  When we asked her about it, her response:  "That's what they gave me."  Well, did they do the friggen blood tests and forget to give the lab copies for every test or not do them at all?  She was there and asked for certain tests so she's the one who would have the answer.  Is it that difficult to understand?  It's like pulling teeth getting any information out of her!  Is there something wrong with being forthcoming to hubby about what tests have been done on his daughter?

Now we have a bill for several hundred dollars and not enough of what was important, what she said she would have drawn, to tell enough.

My stepdaughter has an appointment next week with a psychiatrist to get on medication for her stress behaviors.  Wouldn't it make sense to see if her inability to focus and remember things is thyroid related?  Wouldn't it make sense to see if she has adrenal problems (the labs showed high cortisol levels but they aren't even addressing it).  Low ferritin could cause anxiety.  It's a blood test vs. months (years?) of medications instead of looking fully to see if there is an underlying reason for the symptoms first.  These things could be thyroid and adrenal related.  I should know since I've had thyroid disease for nine years.  You have to get a certain set of blood tests to get the whole picture.

I'm supposed to be finishing up my work writing about stainless steel drums but she gets me so irritated! It's hard to concentrate on steel drums when I am ticked off at her - again. She is truly useless.

Oh yeah, we'll also get the bill for the medication too, like the halfway attempt she made for blood tests bill. Seems to me I'd be looking for the cause before I'd medicate my kid by something you need a psychiatrist to prescribe!

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Missed My Stepdaughter's Distress Text!

Well, I officially don't want to get on anymore weight scales until my thyroid is back under control. My weight is up four pounds and my doctor isn't returning my phone calls to find out what to do about my thyroid/adrenals crashing.  This past weekend, my hair was falling out again.  My husband kept pulling strands of it off my hands.  Apparently every time I ran my hands through my hair or moved it out of my face, I came away with hair in my hands.  I am still falling asleep in the middle of the day and again early in the evening too.  I'm losing hair, gaining weight, and the exhaustion is knocking on my backside.

Last night, my stepdaughter texted me because she was going through a difficult period and I didn't even hear my phone go off right next to my bed.  I was out!  I was upset that I missed her text.  She needed to talk to me and I was zonked.  I emailed her mom today to let her know.  Her mom said they were up until 1:00 a.m. trying to get her through the emotional upheaval she was going through last night.  I feel bad that I missed her text when she needed me.

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Drama with Stepdaughter

Well, the drama with my stepdaughter continues and so does the cooperation between the ex and us.  She must be at her wit's end to be asking for advice and support from us.  Of course, we are giving it to her.  It has to be stressful living with the teenaged issues 24/7 as opposed to us getting it from a distance, other than when my stepdaughter spent a few days with us here a couple weeks ago.  This is the longest break-up in history between my stepdaughter and her boyfriend and I'm not sure they really are broken up or if it is their way to manipulate the ex into giving them what they want.  I'm emotionally drained and stressed and showing it (acne medication is a necessity from break-outs from stress) and we're 200 miles away. 

I hate to say this but I don't think it is going to get better for my stepdaughter until 1) school is over for the summer or 2) she finishes her school year somewhere else.  She needs to be away from the current situation she is in with this guy she is emotionally wrapped up with in a very unhealthy way and therapy isn't going to fix it fast enough though hopefully it helps her sooner rather than later.  It's not an instant fix.  I don't think aything is going to change from my stepdaughter's end until he isn't in the picture everyday.  Summer will give her a breather and hopefully a chance to heal and get stronger, like she used to be.

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Stepdaughter's Grades Dropped

With all the drama in my stepdaughter’s life right now, her mom said her ACT scores weren’t as good as expected because she couldn’t focus and her regular grades have fallen somewhat. They are still good grades but if she wants to get into a university to be a veterinarian, she’s going to have to bring them up quick. I hope she doesn’t allow the drama with her current boyfriend to affect her future college choices. That would be a shame since she’s been preparing during high school by taking honor classes now to get the credit to help her get into a good school. I wonder if she has done any sat prep or plans to. I am going to have to ask my husband if she's talked about it yet or ask her mom about it since she should have good scores on her SAT's for college (can you believe I am actually typing about communication with the ex?).  I never thought I'd see the day when the ex and I would be communicating together for the kids.  It's a very nice change. 

She asked her dad if we would make arrangements for her to tour two of our colleges within an hour’s ride of us. I am surprised she is even considering out state but happy too. I think she’ll end up going in her home state but it’s nice that she’s considering colleges close to us as well.  Now *fingers crossed* that she gets focused back on her grades and does better on her SAT than she did on her ACT.

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Counteracting the Interference

The letter to my sd's therapist (or former therapist as of today) went out in the mail asking for a report from her on sd since the ex is ignoring hubby's email asking for details.  I hope this doesn't turn into a big deal. 

The ex knows hubby has legal custody and has access to all this information.  Why does he have to jump through so many dang hoops to get what any NORMAL and RESPONSIBLE parent would provide to the other parent? 

How can the ex claim to be so dang worried about sd to hubby but then leave it at that?  Does she think dad wouldn't care at all?  Not want to know what exactly is wrong?  What has her counselor recommending a psychiatrist over a regular therapist?  She feeds him little tidbits and then lets him hang there not knowing what the heck is wrong with his daughter.  It ticks me off!

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Ex and Stepdaughter Hiding Something?

Well, I did as hubby asked and contacted sd to let her know if she ever wanted to talk, she could contact me any time, that we loved her and would be there for her when she needed us.  Her response threw me!

Her responses:

What do you know? 

Can you tell me what you know?  I'm not mad.  I just want to know.  When I told her anxiety over stuff, she responded with:

That's it? 

The ex had emailed dh that she was very worried about sd and gave very limited details - anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive/compulsive behaviors but she gave abso-fricken-lutely NO details whoatsover. 

OK...anxiety over what?  Panic attacks when?  What behavior is she exhibiting that is obsessive/compulsive?  DH emailed her back asking for details and the ex has ignored that email.  Dad has a right to this information.  Why hide it?

As long as there is a court order with shared legal custody and hubby shares responsibility for his daughter, as he should, the ex has a LEGAL obligation to let him know what the heck is going on! 

We've drafted a letter to the therapist asking for a report, however, the ex just changed the therapist to a different one/office altogether so not sure now if the first therapist will give hubby any details easily.  Dad should NOT have to chase this kind of information down.  This is his daughter's mental health! 

Usually, we get in with the doctors/therapists immediately and have our own relationship with them separate from the ex.  This time, we let her lead since she is seeing the behaviors and we aren't and thought since we all weren't cat fighting constantly anymore, she'd be more forthcoming.  BIG MISTAKE!  You can bet that there is going to be a letter sent to the new therapist right away so we maintain communication throughout instead of depending on the ex.  A letter should also be sent to the court for the court order violation.

People really don't change.

I took some nice pictures of my sd with her boyfriend while we were over that way last week with them that I was going to make photo cards of or blow up, frame, and send to her.  I know in my gut after our contact last night that she is hiding something from her dad and I.  Heck, take me out of the equation.  She is hiding something from her dad and the ex is a part of it.  Nothing about that is ok.  That kind of kills my "do something nice" mood.

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At a Loss with Stepdaughter

My stepdaughter is having some anxiety problems and according to the ex, showing some obsessive/compulsive behaviors.  She didn't give any examples though.  She also said that sd doesn't like her current therapist and wants a new one.  The ex also said she's really worried about her (but not worried enough to limit the number of honors courses she takes in high school, music lessons, etc.).  She is seriously panicked over school/grades. 

My husband mentioned today that my sd would tell me things before she'd tell her mother or him and that perhaps I could talk to her.  He is right...or was.  Five years ago, that would've been easier.  Now, I'm not sure how I'd do that if there is something sd wants to talk about from 200 miles away.  Texts, emails and letters aren't private over there so she's not going to open up under those conditions.  They learned at an early age that phone calls aren't welcome from our home.  That seems ingrained into them.  I know the ex wouldn't welcome my talking to my sd AT ALL by any means no matter what even though my sd did open up to me, did trust me, did love me, etc.  Sd showed a preference for me over her mother in a public setting, in an emotional way, several years ago.  The ex created that situation by making them feel like they had to choose between the two homes instead of just allowing them to thrive with both homes.  I doubt the ex would give that bond a chance to blossom again.  She seems to have things just the way she wants them right now...I feel bad for the kids.

My husband wants sd to come live here.  I doubt sd would leave her boyfriend at this point and the ex would never agree.  A change in environment might be exactly what she needs or it may make things worse.  Without any details, which the ex hasn't given, we don't know what behaviors she is exhibiting, what she worries about (other than her grades), etc. 

I don't know what to do to help sd. 

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Anxiety Disorder & Panic Attacks

My stepdaughter saw her therapist for her first visit last week and they diagnosed her with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks.  It made me wonder - is she THAT bad that they knew after only one visit or was that diagnosis a little premature?  The ex didn't give much detail - the first name of the therapist, no last name...anything to make it a little harder for hubby to track down her contact details to contact her directly?  My husband, who rarely says anything, was snickering over the ex's lack of sharing when he read the ex's email.

What is the disorder where you can't leave your home?  I am wondering if the ex has instilled enough fear into my stepdaughter that eventually, she will be too anxiety-ridden to leave her own home out of fear somebody will hurt her.  It'd be a shame if she is too afraid to live her life fully because her mother has told her that she'll be robbed or raped if she does anything away from mommy dearest (like get a job for example).   That's what my stepdaughter told me anyway. 

I remember during summer parenting time, my stepdaughter and daughter walked into town.  My stepdaughter was so afraid of a car that stopped at a red light that they hightailed it back home right away and the men in the car never did or said a thing.  They stopped at a red light.  Period.  Her mother, who hasn't dated in 14-15 years now, has managed to put her distrust of men right onto her daughter's shoulders.  Go mom! Not.  Don't get me wrong - you have to be careful.  You have to teach your children to be smart and safe, but turning them into anxiety-ridden adults who can't function in normal society away from mom's apron strings is unhealthy.

That reminds me, I have to get and program the address for her band concert into our PDAs so we know where it is when we are in their state in a couple weeks from the Internet (the ex hasn't sent it to us).  Otherwise, we'll be up a creek without a paddle and only eight hours of driving to show for it.  I am excited to see the kids.  I want to see how my stepdaughter is in person.  Texting just isn't the same.

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Nikki Catsouras Accident Scene Photos

I posted this yesterday on my other blog and it's been a popular read. Why do people want to see accident scene photos of a young woman's death? I don't get it. I even had somebody ask me for a link to the photos!! Um....no!!!

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It's all over the 'net today about the photos from a very bad accident that this teenaged girl, Nikki Catsouras, was in (she was driving her dad's Porsche, which she'd been forbidden to drive, driving 100 mph when she crashed so you can imagine how horrific the accident was). The accident killed this 18-year-old three years ago and the photos are being leaked on the Internet. How horrid. Why would people post pictures like that? Why would people do that to the family of this girl? I think it's disgusting. The Internet is full of information but being morbid and cruel shouldn't be a part of it.

Somebody actually emailed these photos to the parents. What kind of sicko does that?

So, if you came here looking for the photos of a young woman almost decapitated, you won't find them here. Get a life and a hell of a lot of counseling!

I feel so bad for the family. I've lost loved ones to car accidents (three times). It's not a show for other people; it's real grief and loss and it's horrible. Losing a child would be devastating but to be harassed by sick individuals sending photos from the scene of their deceased child, the person or people who did this must be mental.

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Child Kills Animals...Disturbed much?

I just read a disturbing story at a friend's blog about the seven year old boy who went on an animal killing spree in a zoo. OMG! Psychopath in the making or what? It really bothered me to read the story. Where were this kid's parents? How does a seven year old boy have the freedom to go to a zoo, break in, and commit such disturbing acts?

I am glad my kids have compassion and sympathy and can show love, like here:

I wouldn't even let my kids see the picture in that story or tell them about it. They'd be crying.

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Did video games do this too?

According to June's Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, it is found that the rates of Vitamin D deficiency in infants, children, and teenagers was surprisingly high - 40 infants/toddlers and 42% adolescents. Do those numbers surprise you? They do me.

You think because milk is fortified with it, that it's enough. It's not. Your body may store it but it's not activated until sunlight hits it - 15 minutes a day is enough experts say. Unfortunately, kids aren't outside enough anymore. Where are they? Playing video games probably. I wonder if my stepson's bones were x-rayed if he'd be in that 42% of adolescents with all the hours (days, weeks, months) he's logged playing video games.

Another problem? Sunblock. Yes, I said sunblock. You can't get the benefits of the sun's rays to activate the Vitamin D if you've blocked it! That doesn't mean fry skin in the sun! A few minutes in the sun before applying sunblock might be in order (talk to your dermatologist first if you are at risk). As a parent, I wouldn't give kids those "15 minutes" during the time of day when the sun is its strongest either but that's my personal opinion.

For more information: USA Today

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Assuming You're Not Mental

I just wanted to post that a lot of my posts here assume that both parents are relatively sane and not a danger to the children. If you are dealing with a total mental case who is a danger to the children or you, obviously the rules change.

Just wanted to throw that out there!!

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