How do you feel about Mother's Day as a stepmom?

Mother's Day, May 10, 2009.

A day once a year when many non-custodial and custodial stepmoms are left out. A day when the golden light from above shines down on the biological mother's head, casting some stepmoms in its shadow. It doesn't matter if that stepmom has cared for that child more than the biological mother up to that point...it's Mother's Day and to many, Mother's Day means biological mothers or adoptive mothers. There are many people who do not want it to mean stepmothers.

Mother's Day.

A day when some stepmoms' hearts fill with joy because they are shown just how appreciated they are. For some, a day when some stepmoms will cry because they've been forgotten, making them feel unappreciated by the kids or their husband for all they've done for the 364 days prior to this day. For others it is a day when some stepmoms will shrug it all off. It doesn't matter anymore.

So, which stepmom are you?

• I was the first stepmom for awhile. When my stepkids were too young to be affected by the negativity heaped on and around them, I received their handmade attempts that were so sweet.
• Then for a very short time, I became the second stepmom being forgotten as a "stepmom" (though never forgotten as "mom" to my own kids) once the negativity started to have its desired effect on the children.
• Finally, I quickly became the stepmom who shrugs it off, the stepmom who might think of the stepchildren with a twinge but will easily set aside what can't be changed and enjoy the day with my own kids. I have four beautiful children who do so much to show their appreciation and love that there is no way that somebody else's negative actions are going to ruin the day for me. The ex will never have that much power.

I no longer have any expectations from my teenaged stepchildren for Mother's Day. Expect the worst and perhaps be surprised, but likely not.

So, which stepmom are you?