More Sad Than Mad Now

>> Monday, October 11, 2010

Hubby and I talked this morning after a very tense last couple of weeks.  He wanted to know how long I was going to be mad at him and if we could talk. 

He told me that he is scheduled to work the weekend that includes the Friday he was supposed to drive to the kids' state to watch his daughter in marching band (nine hour driving time, 10 minutes of marching band...makes sense.  Not.)  He said he told his daughter that his work scheduled him that weekend (at his work, every other weekend is "your weekend" if there is overtime that they expect you to work.  There hasn't been hardly any overtime in over a year's starting this month...what great timing eh?).  She won't forgive him if he doesn't go see her.  He said he will lose her from what she told him.

*twirls and drops to the floor*

SHE won't forgive HIM? 

I asked him if he mentioned the fact that she hasn't wanted to come here in several years?  Of course he didn't.  He said she's "just a kid" and he can't say that.

I told him she was emotionally manipulating him.  Of course she wouldn't do that!  Pfft!

Excuse me, that "kid" is 18 in two months and is old enough to know right from wrong and be told about it.  She can enlist in the military and go fight a war but she can't be reprimanded from daddy for hurtful behavior?  Boy when the real world hits her in the butt, it's going to knock her flat.

That "kid" couldn't be bothered to give her sister five minutes in a month's time this past month. 

That "kid" hung up on her sister on her sister's birthday!

That "kid" got her way in August and instead of coming here like was scheduled, got to go party with her friends - something she had done all summer long.  Then she has the nerve to throw a guilt trip on dear old dad?

He then said he doesn't want to confront his daughter because she's already on drugs (prozac).  That's an excuse by the way.  Yeah, the prozac WE are paying for, that WE don't agree with, because HER MOTHER is an emotional case and put her kid on drugs rather than look at her own behavior causing her daughter's anxiety problems. 

So now, we not only won't be able to make our house payment, we will lose a weekend's worth of rare overtime which is desperately needed.

I told hubby if he went, he was not taking our kids with him, driving all that way with no sleep in 24 hours, with our kids in the car.  He didn't undertand why but he didn't push that one too far.  Good choice.

I also told him that he wasn't going to go sit with his ex at the game like the last 15 years of hell never happened with her!  His response, "Well, I want to sit with my son."  (Meaning, he'd have to sit with his ex so he could sit with his son.)  If you drive all that way, your kid won't sit with you if you don't sit with his mommy?  He's 15!  What 15 year old is hanging out with mom at his school's football game?  Mine don't hang out with dad or me at the football games and they're younger than that!  Didn't that umbilical cord get cut over 15 years ago?  Huh? 

He said he'd cancel (for me) but no way is he laying that guilt trip on me!  No way is he using me as the excuse to cancel this trip.  Cancel it for the right reasons or live with your decision.

He also said his daughter wants nothing to do with being a part of our family.  So, why are you risking our home, losing overtime, and slicing & dicing pieces of our marriage for this then? 

Our marriage gets shredded a little bit more every time.  He said it'll be over soon (his daughter is 18 in couple months and 2-1/2 more years til his son is) and he doesn't want to see us get through these last 15 years only for me to give up on our marriage now.  I never said that.  He took that from how ticked off I have been at him.  I've still got a bit of mad on but I've got more "sad" on right now. 

If somebody had told me when the kids were young and there was so much love and family, that we would be where we are now with hardly a relationship with them at all, I would have never believed them.  I would've been wrong. 


Smirking Cat October 12, 2010 at 10:27 AM  

If one of my stepkids said they wouldn't forgive their father for not coming to see when he absolutely can't, I'd have to say "Nice knowing you." It's emotional manipulation, just as you called it, and it's sure as hell not acceptable. It's a way of saying "Give me my way or else". F*ck that. I hope your husband opens his eyes to the game he's become a pawn in.

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