Still Livid!

>> Thursday, October 7, 2010

I am supposed to go to the barn and ride my daughter's horse today to keep her going while my daughter can't ride right now (sprained her ankle couple weeks ago...not healing yet the way they expected it to...starting physical therapy next week on it).  I am still too angry (see Livid, Livid, Livid) and being tense and ticked off while on top of a horse isn't the safest idea.  I'll go down and do some ground work with them instead so they don't just sit around, lazy and getting fat:) 

Hubby and I still haven't worked out the problems from the other day about him driving nine hours to see his daughter play for all of 20 minutes when we have zero money for the trip right now. All the anger is just roiling there, waiting for a place to go.  Should be a good show!  Not.

I am so sick of this always being an issue.  There's sadness and regret in there too but mostly, a whole lot of anger.  When we were first married, he talked to me about things first and we made decisions together.  He dealt with the issues with his ex instead of ignoring them and letting her run things.  He didn't have a choice not to deal with them because I wasn't going to let some other woman run my home, my marriage.  It was the only reason I agreed to marry him when I did (I'd refused until I could see he wasn't going to let her run things) and we were a family with his kids, at least his daughter anyway, despite other people's interference for about ten years.  If we aren't a team, then I'm not playing, and we haven't been a team where it concerned his kids in 4-5 years.  He's let them and the ex determine everything for the last several years (and they determined "everything else" was more important than dad and their siblings) and the result has been he doesn't have a great relationship with his kids anymore and they have none with our family.  That took a dive when I disengaged and stopped ensuring the court order was followed, etc.  I left it to him to step up to the plate and he let his ex and kids take over the game.  Well, how's that working out for him now?

I'm just really, really tired.


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