Summer Parenting Time

>> Saturday, June 5, 2010

We are going to the kids' state in July and requested them for the day we are there for the day.  It was "approved" by the ex but she did let us know she was agreeable but her family had already had plans for that day.  It felt like of like a "see what I'm giving up to agree to this" type of feeling when I read it. 

Summers always irritate me.  If it were me, I'd request the month I legally have with the children but figure out with the kids what activities they can work around with the schedule instead of the ex dictating that.  Between the ex and the kids' many activities they have scheduled throughout the summer (and they ALWAYS have a list of things scheduled every time hubby had asked for his parenting time to have them with us at our house the last several years), he feels like he's putting the kids on the spot.  So the last couple years, we drive to their state and spend a day or two in their area to see them.  I think that actually stinks.  They aren't a part of our home, our daily life, when it's handled that way.  How are they supposed to feel part of the family if they aren't here to participate as family members the way they used to?  We have to kennel our five dogs and drive our family of six to their state instead of two teenagers coming to their home here with their dad.  Makes perfect sense.  Not.

I know why hubby does it that way after the kids spent years acting out because they were put into a position to feel bad about leaving their mother but they're teenagers now.  Perhaps it is time to try again and see if 1) the ex isn't hanging onto them so tightly, and 2) the kids are better able to handle the emotional manipulations. 

It's just irritating that he CAN ask for about a month of time but when he instead makes the plans to drive to them and spend the day with them there so as not to put out their schedules and all that stuff, it feels like the ex is campaigning for martyrdom by "allowing" him that day. 

The last time my stepchildren were here with us over the summer a few years ago, I figured out that Omega-3 actually calmed my stepson's ADHD down when I gave him one when I was giving my own kids their usual gummy Omega-3.  We'd talked to the ex before about a supplement or vitamins that might help him but she refused to consider adding Omega-3. It's not like it's that unusual for children but she acted like she needed a doctor's prescription and wouldn't consider it.

Oh well.  We're down to one year left for my stepdaughter and two years left for my stepson.  It's not up to me.  I can just count down the days until the court order no longer exists.  The rest is between them.


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