Becoming Hardened Emotionally

Recently, the ex seemed to be planning a night out at a rock nightclub. It wasn't on a night when it was "all ages". It wouldn't be the first time she's brought my stepkids into a drinking establishment until the morning hours (according to my stepkids) but it has been awhile so I was surprised to hear of these plans. We figured the kids would be with her this time too because they have been before and she won't leave them with anybody while she goes out (seriously, she has not had a date since my husband left her 14? 15? years ago). Plans change though. Apparently she was in the emergency room instead because she'd been vomiting for a couple hours. Their diagnosis was the flu. I felt ZERO sympathy for her. I felt bad for the kids because they were probably scared but nothing for her.

Personally, I'd rather see HER in the emergency room than my underage stepkids in a nightclub! Is that bad of me to have little to no sympathy for her? I used to, but the first time I showed her sympathy when she was ill by picking up ginger ale and stuff for her so she didn't have to run out with the kids while she was miserably sick, it got thrown back in my face. I've been sick as a dog before and it was horrible. I lost weight from days of being so ill; I certainly didn't need any weight loss products when my flu was my diet. It was bad. I thought I was being nice by making sure she had everything she needed to get well. Obviously I was wrong.

Becoming a stepmother of a stepson who spent years in "violent" mode and dealing with his mother has changed me, hardened me emotionally. I guess it is a good thing in that she can't control me through my emotions anymore, but it bothers me that I have changed that much.