SD's Graduation Weekend

>> Thursday, June 9, 2011

The weekend trip to my stepkids' state is over.  It had its ups and downs.

Friday: We got to my sister's on the beach (where we were staying) around dinner.  My stepdaughter unexpectedly texted her dad and said they (her, her boyfriend, and my stepson) were coming over - that was around 6 p.m.  9:00 p.m. and they still aren't there. Hubby is tired because it's been over 24 hours since he slept (he works nights and worked the night before we drove out of state) but he waits up.  They finally show up - they had gone to the beach first.  (Um, we were staying ON the beach?)  OK.  My stepson is the same.  My stepdaughter talks differently.  She wasn't mean or disrespectful or anything - her tone and mannerisms are just so different.

Saturday:  My husband picks up his son in the morning and takes him to breakfast (sd has to work).  He brings my stepson back to my sister's with him for the day.  My sd comes around dinner after work with her boyfriend.  They stay until almost midnight out on the beach with us. We had a good time with them.  No mention of anything negative or anything from sd.  Must be just for texting?

Sunday:  Graduation day.  We get texts that morning telling us they have extra tickets if we want to bring  all the siblings.  Huh?  How do you go from taking mine away from me to suddenly having so many?  They didn't say but we all went to the graduation.  The kids were bored, lol, but it was good that we went as a family.  Pictures afterward - AWKWARD!!

The ex was there with her parents and her sister - her parents HATE my husband and her sister HATES me.  We had my in-laws and the six of us including our kids.  Weird.

When somebody said to get a picture with my sd with her brother, mother and father alone, I heard the ex say to my sd, "I'll stand by your father."  My sd told her no, she'd stand in the middle between them, lol.  Too bad, ex!

One thing I didn't realize, I guess because my kids don't have the ugly history with the ex that my husband and I do, is how that picture of them taken together would affect my kids.  Our ten-year-old daughter was uncomfortable and hurt.  She didn't like seeing her dad, her two siblings, and the ex taking a picture together like a family.  They've not been together in 16+ years and it's been 16 turbulent years. It was a bit uncomfortable for me, but apparently for the kids as well.

Our oldest handled it by joking about the ex with four chins.  I guess we all handle it differently.  Sarcastic jokes, hurt, awkwardness...interesting weekend.

Those occasions - like graduation - are bound to be uncomfortable for everybody.  I'll have to remember for future events like my stepson's graduation, weddings, etc., to be more aware of helping my kids with the awkwardness of it all.  Now that they're older, they see things differently - can't hide nothing from them anymore.

I made a DVD of all the video I took for my sd's graduation and printed out all the pictures I took with them in them (including the one "family" pic of my husband, the ex, my sd, and ss) - going to be the bigger person here.  Will mail those out to my sd and ss.

So, is the relationship between my stepdaughter and her dad better?  I don't know yet.  Time will tell.  If you go by the graduation weekend, it's fine.  Her hostile texts for the months prior to that though?  No clue.

As far as the weekend, outside of the step/ex stuff, we had a good time - lots of sun, beach, and two new favorite adult beverages - trashy margaritas and cherry pomegranate/vodka drink.  Yum.


pammie June 18, 2011 at 8:07 PM  

There is no way I would have let that picture take place, The two are divorced and together pictures no longer exist. A picture with mom and than a picture with dad would have been fine enough.

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