Pictures of the Ex's Together: Yes or No?

>> Sunday, June 19, 2011

Should mom and dad get pictures together with the kids without the other family members (new spouses, other kids)?  Does your answer make a difference if the divorce was a year ago or 20 years ago?  Does it make a difference if they were never married?

I'm curious to what everybody thinks.


Van De Kieft family June 19, 2011 at 4:40 PM  

Absolutely not. The whole family needs to be invovled or do it seperatly.

Anonymous June 20, 2011 at 6:42 PM  

NO, it would haunt me forever, i believe. Even though it's just a picture and doesn't really mean anything. They are not a family, we are, so they can take picture with us (or with dad alone if preferred) and with the ex separately. Why play family on occasion? I think it would just make the ex win another sick game in her head, and it would make everyone else uncomfortable except maybe the kids (her kids), but they had the time to adapt to blended family, as we all had to, so why walk on eggs for the rest of our lives just watching that we're not on someones way? So, one big NO is the answer.
I must ask how do you feel?

Syn June 20, 2011 at 8:02 PM  

When it happened at my stepdaughter's graduation a couple weeks ago, it made me feel a little sick. I understood the reasoning behind it on an intellectual level but another part of me thought they weren't a family and hadn't been in 16+ years (before my stepson was even born). When one of my little girl's told me later that evening how much it bothered her (and our other kids joined in talking about it), it hurt to know they felt left out/slighted/upset over that family pic of their dad with the ex he was never married to having a "family picture" and the rest of us being excluded. She thought it was wrong - the ex isn't a part of the family with their dad. In her eyes, we (my husband, me, our four kids and my two stepkids) are a family unit, the ex isn't a part of "our" family unit. It confused her.

Anonymous June 21, 2011 at 12:46 PM  

Exactly, we would all understand on an intelectuall level. But, why are we (stepmothers) always expected to understand something? You do everything not to hurt his children and not let them feel left out, and this is what you end up with, your children are left out. Your daughter is right, i would feel the same as you. They are not family unit, you are.

Syn June 21, 2011 at 1:48 PM  

I understand what you mean. Our kids seemed to get the short stick so many times over the years - it's not up to little kids to take one for the team! It's not right. Decisions should be made for what is best for the family as a whole, not just for a couple members of the family.

It was the ex's parents who suggested that picture (surprisingly since they hate my husband) and then the ex said she'd stand next to my husband in the picture for the pose. My SD didn't let that happen - she stood in between both her parents saving me from becoming ill all over the ground:D

After that picture, my husband said now we were taking one with me and the kids (w/o ex). He thanked me later for putting up with all the BS about that graduation and we sat with our kids and had a chat about it all afterward.

This blended family/ex stuff is so full of minefields!

Anonymous June 22, 2011 at 5:16 AM  

There's always something. Good thing is that you are all able to talk honestly with each other. It probably is the part of what kept YOU a unit for all these years :).

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