Heart vs Mind Discussions from Contemplation Marks

With all of the tension in my marriage lately over the coming short trip to my stepkids' state, it has made me look very closely at my marriage and at some of the choices we are making right now wanting to move our family out of state, to be closer to my stepkids.  Hubby and I might just need some type of therapy or relationship coaching to get us through these last two years, especially if we move closer to the ex! 

Can I be the "little engine that could" and sputter my way through the next two years until my stepkids are both 18 years old and the legal relationship with the ex ends?  I don't want to just sputter!  Yup, might need some outside help for this one.  I've had "my mad on" for the last few weeks and it's kind of smoldering there right now, but the "sad" is starting to take over.  Might need an objective party to talk to.

There is a Heart vs Mind Discussion series at Barnes and Noble on October 14, 2010 at 7:00 p.m.  The actual address for those of you who live close enough is 240 Route 22 West, Springfield, NJ 07081, phone: 973-376-8544.  The topic of the discussion from the series for that evening is different kinds of soul mates/friends.  It's held by Contemplation Marks.

In addition to series of discussions, Contemplation Marks also offers inspirational greeting cards, bookmarks, books, relationship coaching, and creative writing help!  You should check them out. 

Blending families is so hard, especially when you add in all the outside influences that you have to manage so getting objective help can be a positive thing!  It's even more difficult when you are limited on what you can do or change and it becomes about what you can accept or not accept.  I have a hard time with the "accept" part.  I see things as right vs wrong and when I see what I think of as "wrong", I want to fix it!  I guess I'm like a man that way - want to get in there and fix things!  Hard when it isn't "my place" to fix them.

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Relationship Coaching with Contemplation Marks at Barnes & Noble

Walking through the trials of blending a stepfamily can make even the most even-tempered person want to run screaming at times.  We did our share of talking and working through problems when it all came to a head after our first child was born - between the ex, the court, etc., I was ready to bundle up the baby and hightail it out of there! I wouldn't be surprised if most stepfamilies need a little help from an objective party at one time, especially in the first 2-3 years of blending.  One very important factor learned for our marriage to be a happy one was to truly be partners in all aspects - finances, leisure activities, our children, and his children.  We needed to fully commit to each other.  A good support system is a must! 

If you live within driving distance of the Springfield, New Jersey area, and are looking for Relationship coaching, a life coach, R. A. Leslie from Contemplation Marks, will be holding a Heart vs Mind series at Barnes & Noble at 7:00 p.m. on September 9, 2010.  The address and phone number are:  240 Route 22 West, Springfield, NJ 07081, Phone#973-376-8544.  The topic covered will be "Commitment vs. Complacency". 

Having a support system in place definitely saved our marriage.  I don't know that I would have made it through everything we did with his ex without a good support system. 

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Relationship Coaching

I've been looking through a web site called Contemplation Marks for Relationship coaching information and came across this post called To Y.O.U. that I wanted to link for you guys here to read.  It reminded me of a few things my husband told me about his past relationship and thought it might strike a chord with others as well. 

Relationships can be hard.  They were really hard before I met my husband.  My husband and I rarely argue which is kind of odd because we are really different in some areas.  We tease, we laugh, and sometimes I get really annoyed with him, but we rarely argue anymore (since I disengaged mostly from dealing with his ex a few years ago, my stress level has gone down SO much).  Then again, we are totally alike in the areas that matter (marriage values, family values) so the fact that we have some differences like different music, different food, and have different tastes in movies doesn't really matter much.  Is that weird that we rarely argue? 

Even before I disengaged, we didn't fight often but when we did fight a few times a year, it was a big kaboom because I held things in until I blew.  Since putting the responsibility of dealing with his ex and issues mostly on dad a few years ago, I don't lie awake at night angry, with the inability to turn my brain off from the thoughts of something the ex said or did, how we are supposed to react to it, or which issue is going to court now. 

When my stepchildren are with us, I take care of them like my own children and will always be there for them no matter where they are at but when it comes to the long-distance dealings involving his ex, he handles and I just type for him.  I'm a happier person that way.

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