Not Celebrating Mother's Day with Mom

Mother's Day is rolling around and young kids and adult kids all over the place are scrambling to make or buy for the perfect gift for mom.  What am I doing for my mom?

Nothing.  You reap what you sow and she sowed a lot of dysfunction.

• Did she attend parent night when all the football players and cheerleaders were given flowers and walked onto the field with their parents?  Nope, neither of my parents showed up.  Somebody else's parents walked me out on the field (after I cried a lot).
• Was she there during any of the other high school years?  Nope, she was too busy trying to commit suicide or pretending to for attention so she was home and dazed or away at the hospital for her own protection.  Such fond memories...
• Where was she when my father kicked me out of the house (that he wasn't even living in at the time with my mother) when I was 17?  She was sitting on the couch making out with him while I walked my boxes out to my car.  Blech. Hurl. Yak.
• She walked in and out of my birthing room during my firstborn's delivery, despite my not wanting her there because she thought she had every right to be there regardless of how I felt.  She made it all about her.  Funny thing though...she never remembers that child's birthday.  She doesn't remember my other kids' birthdays either so at least she doesn't treat my kids differently eh?  She doesn't play favorites between my kids...she plays favorites between her daughters' families. 
• Did she bother to come spend ANY time with her grandchildren when we were up there in March?  She was supposed to.  She was expected to.  She never showed up.

I used to go through the motions with her with phone calls, gifts, etc. but the toxic relationship was tearing me up.  When some stuff happened a few years ago when my daughter was hurt by a family member, my mother took sides - the WRONG side.  Nobody was asking her to take sides though but she jumped to one side of the line and my family was on the other side of the line (my daughter's therapist, Protective Services, and the Sheriff's Dept. was on my side of the line as well).  Just stay neutral, be grandma but she couldn't manage that.  That was IT for me. 

What is sad (for her anyway)?  My kids have stopped noticing that their mam-maw just doesn't act like a grandmother anymore.  I guess it's a good thing my kids aren't being hurt (I think they're forgetting who she is honestly).  My four year old asked me a couple weeks ago if my mother was dead.  Even my father, who I had an extremely antagonistic relationship with for as long as I can remember, remembers my kids' birthdays and holidays.  His card is always the first one to arrive every single time.

Usually I don't give my mother much thought.  She's in another state and her drama doesn't touch me often.  With our recent trip north when she didn't show to see her grandkids, I'm a bit ticked at the moment.  One of my sisters told me recently that she thinks our mother is really sick (physically) and in denial about it.  I don't know whether she is or not but I know I can't live with the toxic on a daily basis like I used to with her.  So if she is sick, does it change anything?  Not now.  Not yet.  Not sure if it will. 

Being a mother is not about birthing a child (though there are a lot of ex's that think that eh?).  Being a mother is about how you love and nurture children, how you teach children to love and respect others and help them grow to be responsible adults.  That makes a lot of stepmoms who love and nurture children who aren't their own pretty darn good moms! 

We will celebrate Mother's Day long distance this weekend - for my mother-in-law who I am thankful for.  She loves my kids, remembers them, and doesn't play favorites.  My own mother lost out because we have some darn good kids:)

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Missed My Stepdaughter's Distress Text!

Well, I officially don't want to get on anymore weight scales until my thyroid is back under control. My weight is up four pounds and my doctor isn't returning my phone calls to find out what to do about my thyroid/adrenals crashing.  This past weekend, my hair was falling out again.  My husband kept pulling strands of it off my hands.  Apparently every time I ran my hands through my hair or moved it out of my face, I came away with hair in my hands.  I am still falling asleep in the middle of the day and again early in the evening too.  I'm losing hair, gaining weight, and the exhaustion is knocking on my backside.

Last night, my stepdaughter texted me because she was going through a difficult period and I didn't even hear my phone go off right next to my bed.  I was out!  I was upset that I missed her text.  She needed to talk to me and I was zonked.  I emailed her mom today to let her know.  Her mom said they were up until 1:00 a.m. trying to get her through the emotional upheaval she was going through last night.  I feel bad that I missed her text when she needed me.

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Wondering if Stepdaughter Would Live With Us

I just found out today from a friend that the local University offers classes to high school juniors and seniors for college credit.  Instead of attending high school, they attend the college if their SAT scores are high enough.  If the grades stay high, college is free!  That would be fantastic for my stepdaughter to do since we have no idea how we are going to pay for her college.  It gets her that much closer to her vet degree AND gets her away from the bad boy that has been causing her so much emotional and mental distress. 

Even with all of that, I am not sure the ex would let her do it.  My stepdaughter would have to live with us.  I contacted our high school and the college to get more information so we can look it over anyway.  Doesn't hurt to ask for it.

In the meantime, we have some things to look forward to.  My sister is planning on bringing her RV to our state to camp and spend time with us.  My kids love that.  I'm sure she knows what to do for a travel emergency since they've had the RV for a few years now. I think it'd be fun, especially for the kids. Their RV is like a home.  Then we will make another trip this summer to the state my stepkids live so going to have to start saving for that now too.

Lots to look forward to.  I think it'd be great if my stepdaughter could get college credit during her senior year of high school for free.  Definitely need more information!

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Pulled Ourselves Out of the Fire

Looks like we are pulling ourselves out of the fire.  Just when I was wondering if I should be sending resumes out, knowing I probably wouldn't make much more in our rural area than I do now working from home, if I had to pay child care to work outside the home, it looks like if we sign on all the right dotted lines, we'll be able to get out house out of foreclosure. 

We tried to refinance for a lower interest rate before we were late but Bank of America required way too many thousands to close the loan so behind we fell. When we were three months behind, we sent them three months' worth of payments to catch us up but Bank of America returned them to us! They said it was too late.  Looks like they wanted it to go into foreclosure.

With hours cut at my husband's work since last Fall, paying all the past due school taxes that we didn't know were required here to be paid when we moved here a few years ago (imagine the penalty fees on those...yikes!), the trip to our homestate and then unexpected family here for Easter and then more unexpected family the week after, the money was flying out the windows, plus shelling out a ton on propane over the winter to keep us from turning into popsicles, it's been a financial storm for us for months. 

We talked to a debt consolidation place but get this - we don't make enough money for their help.  Huh?  They gave us suggestions - no phone service, spend less on clothing (with all our kids...we already shop at Walmart and Goodwill), and see about getting child support lowered.  They didn't give us any suggestions that were actually doable!

Now that the foreclosure process has moved to the courts, they are willing to refinance for that lower interest rate without taking our firstborn with the new mortgage papers.  Knowing how the economy is, how the automotive industry is (which my husband is in) and with foreclosures everywhere, why didn't they just do that last Fall when we asked them to begin with?  Geez!

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Children's Allergy and Cold Medications Recalled

There has been a recall for children's allergy and cold medicine.  According to CNN:

The affected brands include: Tylenol Infants' Drops, Children's Tylenol Suspensions, Children's Tylenol Plus Suspensions, Motrin Infant Drops, Children's Motrin Suspensions, Children's Zyrtec Liquids in Bottles and Children's Benadryl Allergy Liquids in Bottles.

To find out more, click here.

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