Was 15 years meaningless? Surprisingly, no.

After being made to feel meaningless and expendable by my stepdaughter after 15+ years of loving her, to be kicked to the curb when it came to graduation (seriously, eight tickets are more than enough - or should be and when you tell your dad he gets two for dad and stepmom and then take stepmom's ticket away a week before the trip - wrong!), I thought to myself - the last 15+ years was a waste...I put myself, my heart, out there and it didn't mean anything...I took care of her like my own and it meant nothing.  Why did I bother?


The other day I told a friend of mine how it all felt meaningless after all these years of being in a parental role with my stepdaughter and this being the result and she said something that made a huge difference to me:

"You should not feel like your help in raising her is meaningless though, loving her was the right thing to do. You can be proud of yourself! It is sad that an exciting/happy time is this way because it doesn't have to be like that, which you already see, because you aren't CRAZY."

She's right.  I wouldn't have done anything different.  I COULDN'T have done anything different.  It isn't in me to treat children any different than with love and caring.  I could not have been a stepmom the last 15 years to two kids without showing them any positive emotion or taking care of them when they were in my home.  I did the right thing by them and it's on their mother and them how they behave now as an adult and almost adult.  It's on them how they treat other members of their family - their dad, me, and their four younger siblings.  

Now, this is not to say that as an adult, she's going to get my heart out front for her to puncture time and again.  What my stepdaughter did to me, and her dad especially, was terribly wrong and as of right now, it's changed the dynamics, the bond, between she and I in my eyes.  Stab me in the back once - shame on you. Stab me in the back twice - shame on me.  She's an adult now and responsible for her actions.  She's not a young child anymore who needs me to brush her hair, make her meals, and kiss her boo boos away.  I CAN be proud for providing for them when they were at dad's house and giving everything I could that they needed to be loved and taken care of since marrying my husband while they were with us despite the conflict, interference and vindictiveness of their mother over the years.  

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Stepdaughter an Adult (Legally Anyway)

If I could do back handsprings and cartwheels, I'd be bouncing all over my yard right now in happiness!!  The legal relationship with the ex, for my stepdaughter, is OVER!!!

One down and one to go.

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You can't mess with this stepmom.

My last post was a short one about what position my stepdaughter put her dad into - he was promised two tickets (for the both of us) but she texted him the other night and said he was only getting one out of eight tickets.  What a position to put your father into.

I fully expected this to happen.  Nothing we do where it concerns the ex and kids goes smoothly and the other home's actions are generally predictable in their conflict and cruelty. There's always something negative, which is sad.  With me expecting this, I planned for the worst.  I contacted her high school a couple months ago expressing a wish for several tickets.  They only hand out so many to the student and that was it.  I contacted them again a couple weeks ago to see if anybody had turned in any extra tickets.  Nobody had but they put us on a waiting list.  Three days ago, I contacted the school again to see and they didn't have any extras.  Well, that night is when my stepdaughter texted her dad to tell him she was only giving him one ticket to her graduation ceremony.

My husband told me to take his one ticket and go in his place.  He was very upset that his daughter put him in this position.  He said he was "floored" by it all.  I have been "mom" to her when she's here.  When she was going through a huge emotional crisis last year and her mother didn't know what to do with her, she sent her to ME.  When it's all said and done though, I'm expendable.  I'm easily set aside.  I'm just the stepmom.  I'm not important.

The next morning after he received that text, I contacted her school principal back again and told him what was going on and how we'd appreciate a couple extra tickets so that we could see my stepdaughter graduate together and if he could mail them directly to us so they couldn't be taken from us, it'd be great.  He responded right away that he'd mail out two tickets ASAP!

I really don't want to go at this point.  After 15+ years of being a loving stepmom to my stepdaughter, I was kicked aside like I was nothing after all of these years of loving and taking care of her.  However, I WILL go to stand by my husband for him, for us.

They tried.  They failed.

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SD Only Giving Dad One Grad Ticket

Well, it happened. SD texted her dad tonight to tell him she is only giving her dad one ticket for her graduation ceremony. What a position to put her dad in!

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O Magazine - $9.00 for a One Year Subscription

I'm not a huge Oprah fan but I know many are.  Right now, you can get a one year subscription to O Magazine for only $9.00 at Amazon (shipping is free).  Buy a subscription for you and one for a friend!

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