Well, the stepkids didn't acknowledge their baby sister's birthday last week. Was I surprised? No.
I also wasn't surprised my own mother didn't either. She's managed to forget every child's birthday this year (three so far). When you're not the favorite, that tends to happen more often than not. Yes, I come from a highly dysfunctional family. Keeping my own from becoming dysfunctional is why I keep my distance from most of them.
I just posted the next poll in the right sidebar (usual place). It concerns the relationship you have with your stepchild or child's teachers and other school personnel, access to their records, etc. regardless of whether the ex thinks you should have it or not.
NEW POLL:
Regardless of what the ex thinks, do you have a good relationship with your child/stepchild's school?
Answer it in the right sidebar.
Thanks!
It's about time! I've been wondering when the county where my husband has his court order for his kids would get with current technology and make information available online! Finally!
If you have a case with a Michigan Friend of Court, you can access online information now at MiCASE. Register, wait ten days to receive your registration information through the mail, and then you have access! Easy!
Instead of calling every week to make sure they applied the child support correctly, now I can log-on. Perfect!
In 19 days, I will be able to say we have less than four years left of the legal relationship with the ex. Yes, I am counting. You can bet when it comes to the last year of my stepson's school, I'll have it down to the hour.
Woo Hoo!
Yes, I know we will still have to see her (college, marriage, baptism of the stepkids, etc.) but we won't have to DEAL with her personally in a legal capacity. The legal trappings will disappear. 14 years down, ALMOST less than four to go!!
Hey, I'm trying to be positive about the cement blocks strapped to our feet that is the ex, I mean time, left.
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who looks forward to that time.
POLL RESULTS:
Has the ex tried to come between you and your spouse/significant other?
The responses: 100% Yes
I would like to say that surprises me, but it doesn't. It seemed to be a mission for the first several years of our marriage. All it did, fortunately, was make us more united. We stood together and didn't let it get between us. Instead of our relationship faltering, it grew stronger.
Perhaps I should thank the ex for such a strong relationship with my husband, lol.
Stay tuned for the next poll soon!
If you are a stepmother who has gone on to have additional children with your spouse or significant other, what has been your experience, not only with the ex but with your stepchildren as well? Was it met with more or less conflict than you thought?
In our case, the ex completely ignored it when I started sporting maternity clothes. If she didn't acknowledge it, it didn't exist (kind of like if she didn't acknowledge me the last 13 years plus, I didn't exist for her either). Let's be realistic, she still ignores my existence as well but that's OK. My stepkids' maternal aunt, on the other hand, seemed quite indignant if her behavior was anything to go by. However, my stepkids were happy over each additional sibling, though my stepson had mixed feelings when he found out he was only going to have one brother out of five siblings. He really wanted a second brother. The boys are outnumbered 2 to 4.
Bringing a baby into the world should be a time of joy (with a little anxiety all moms feel thinking about child birth, etc.), but when you bring a baby into a stepfamily, it can open the way up for a whole new set of resentments. I recently came across Stepfamily Network where stepmoms can chat with other stepmoms and get the low down on handling the ex's response to your pregnancy, as well as having a wealth of knowledge on the day-to-day of pregnancy like maternity clothes, morning sickness, hormones, and anything else that arises. I find other moms to be great sources of information. So if blending a baby into the stepfamily is a hot topic for you right now, I'll bet there are women there who would understand.
My thyroid biopsy is done. They finished it a few hours ago. I am trying to keep my mind off of it but blogging isn't doing the job. This biopsy was worse than the first one I had. My neck and shoulder feels sore. Since they biopsied the right side, and I am right-handed, well...it's a little sore to move. Laughing is sore. Swallowing is sore. My neck is swollen, my head hurts and I feel just "icky".
Results are in 7-10 days. Lucky me.
Graduation is right around the corner. I'll bet you can't believe how fast time has flown! We have two more years yet and then we'll be feeling the same way when my stepdaughter graduates from high school. She's a good kid so I'm sure she'll be just fine as an adult, hopefully even better.
I never know what to do for graduation gifts though for friends and family who are graduating. It's easy to throw some money into an envelope but in the case of close family, I think a gift that means something should be given.
Jewelry is something that can become a keepsake for a child through college, into marriage, and perhaps passed onto a child, your grandchild. I've always wanted an ankle bracelet personally. I think ankle bracelets are very attractive. They look great whether you are casual in a pair of shorts or dressed up for a night out. If you would like to order an ankle bracelet for your grad, Lauren Klein has a great special right now of 10 percent off for Graduation coupon code grad09.
Speaking of graduation, I know there is a big "to do" over President Barack Obama speaking at Notre Dame this year. The First Lady, Michelle Obama, has been setting some fashion trends for some people, showing up on magazine covers with what she's wearing taking center stage at times. I wouldn't be surprised if the First Lady wears an ankle bracelet.
My 12 year old daughter is "going with" a boy in her junior high class. She's shy and generally a good kid, and this boy has been her good friend all school year. I thought it'd be just a continuation of their friendship and maybe a little hand holding.
Yikes was I wrong!
He was here today and they held hands a few times. She walked him halfway home (which means through our backyard since he lives on the next block directly behind us) so I could see when she left him at the halfway point. She came home disappointed because he didn't kiss her (her first kiss)! What???
I can see we are going to have to have some rules because "going with" when I was her age meant still being afraid to get near a boy even though I was "going with" him. It doesn't mean the same thing now. *sigh*
How many of your husbands has tried to get a flat screen television? I know mine has. He's still trying. He's even hinted to his parents about wanting one!
Would it help his case if you could find liquidation prices for wholesale tvs? You could buy one for him, one for your dad for Father's Day and one for a brother or something and make it a Christmas gift if you can keep it a secret that long (if you are one of those who shop early for xmas...I don't but I know you are out there doing this).
I sent the YouTube link to my stepkids of the video of their sister singing at her audition (see post from yesterday if you want to see it too). I know my stepson has been on his computer because you can tell from his myspace profile page (it gives the date he was last one...which was today).
Do you think he commented back? Nope. Not a word. Would it be so hard for him to say "great job" to his little sister?
I like it when men wear a couple of nice pieces of jewelry. The first time I saw my husband, he was on stage looking like he stepped off the cover of GQ magazine. He was just gorgeous to look at. He had several ear rings and a necklace, wearing what I call his "club suit" (jacket and slacks with a t-shirt). Very nice.
You might even want to enter the giveaway at Blogaways and keep the jewelry for yourself! It really is pretty jewelry. My second grade daughter singing for the first time in front of other people for her school's talent show audition. She sang Love Story by Taylor Swift. She was very nervous. I cried because I'm such a sap.
My daughter texted my stepdaughter the other day to tell her about her new boyfriend. No response from my stepdaughter.
How hard is it to write a couple words back in a text? Especially since my stepdaughter is permanently attached to that cell phone for texting all the time? It's not like she has to go out of her way to text back. She can text without even looking at the phone keypad while holding a conversation with somebody! I saw her do it.
I'm a sharer. I'll gladly share some of mine.
Who has found a great weight loss pill that they would like to share the secret about? When your thyroid acts up, like mine, and diet and exercise doesn't do much to move the excess from the abdomen and thighs, what's left?
If you are wondering about that question yourself, there is a site that does diet pill reviews. I read the Clinicallix reviews today. They were positive or neutral reviews on this particular product...nothing bad like you see with some diet pill reviews.
What is ironic is that I used to be too skinny. I was bones as a child. As a younger adult, I was a 2/4 but being tall, it was too skinny, especially through the legs. I don't even want to post what I am now after thyroid disease hit eight years ago. It's not huge, but it's not something I'm proud of either.
Isn't outdoor stuff (lawn mowing, etc.) supposed to be what men love to do? Not my husband. He is anti-landscaping and beautifying the yard. In fact, he'd have a yard barren of all trees and flowers if it were left up to him. He even left my Celtic bird bath (very heavy) and nice patio set out all winter (because he didn't want to clean the garage to make room for it). Isn't cleaning garages a great ritual or something for men at least once a year?
I have to pay somebody to mow our large lawn because during the first few years of our marriage, my husband broke a brand new lawn mower every year! I refuse to buy a new lawn mower every year! You can't run over landscaping ties with a lawn mower! You can't leave it outside during the winter either!
I better look into buying patio furniture covers in case my husband decides leaving it out over the next winter is just fine. I waited years for a decent patio set so I want to make sure it stays in great shape.
Here's one reason -
An 18-year-old teen in Pontiac, Michigan was attending a party at a 51-year-old man's house when this older man passed out. The teen thought it'd be funny to paint his face with make-up and put a lit candle on the man's pants. Well, he lit the pants right up!
The teen pled guilty.
I haven't heard if the 18-year-old was drinking at this man's house or not. I hope that wasn't the case.
Either way, he now has third degree groin burns to show for it.
Here's another reason - they don't belong at a party where adults are drinking to the excess that they pass out. Period!
If there is one thing about the stepfamily situation that can cause the most conflicts (most likely behind the ex which probably takes first place for conflicts in a majority of the stepfamilies), it is finances. I don't think the scope of "all that can go wrong" is fully realized until you are smack in the middle of it and you're struggling to make ends meet after child support and/or spousal support or you're upset with your spouse over extra funds going out above and beyond. Let's face it, there aren't too many stepfamilies who have a ferrari in the garage and the biggest challenge is looking for Ferrari parts for it. Our biggest challenge is usually just meeting our day-to-day bills with what is left over after all the different supports are paid.
Read more...Well, as I expected, not a word from the stepkids for Mother's Day. My stepdaughter and I even texted briefly about shampoo (she wanted to know what kind we had when she was here for Spring Break) but not a word. I wasn't surprised.
It's a HUGE difference from when this day was acknowledged with drawings and hugs, etc. I've saved those drawings and cards. They're good memories. Boy how things change. Perhaps in the future we'll get her back (beyond the teen years).
How about you?
I just posted a new poll on the right. My question for this next week is:
The polls have closed for my latest poll.
My question was:
Do you, the stepparent, take on more of the day-to-day responsibility for your stepchildren than your spouse/significant other does?
The results:
I have a new blog. Since my thyroid disease had been such a problem for me for eight years, I've decided to devote a blog to not only my problems with it but as a way to post information that I come across that may be helpful as well.
Check out my new blog:
As Mother's Day approaches, I wanted to link you to a poem for Stepmothers for those of us who care for the children while they are in our care, the same or better than their biological mother, who may not be shown the appreciation while we watch it all go to the ex on this day. Here is a part of the poem:
A mom in Oklahoma (Caroline Beavers) will be staring at the inside of her cell for several years (three years prison and seven years probation). She watched while an adult blew pot smoke into the mouth of her seven year old son with Downs Syndrome. Afterward, the child reached for his mom and she is seen on the video shaking the child and telling him to "stop it."
The mother's friend (Brandy Hugar) pled guilty but hasn't been sentenced yet. The woman who did this is eight months pregnant. They're pushing for six years prison and nine years probation for her.
There is controversy over this sentence. I've seen comments posted about the video (which I will post as soon as I find one I can embed) from individuals who think it wasn't a big deal. Here's a link to it instead. I've seen comments saying she was helping her child.
What do you think?
It seems that we're not the only one finding unnatural items in foods at restaurants (Nasties at McDonalds)...
A diner at a TGI Friday's in New York found a snake head in his meal! At least the object in my daughter's cheeseburger had never been alive before.
Investigation into this shows that the snake head had not been cooked so it was added to the meal after the fact. So, did somebody put a snake head in this diner's meal or did the diner set it up himself?
WARNING: This is a vent/whine. I feel the need to vent my spleen.
Have you ever had one of those days where you are on the edge of tears due to whatever reason? I've had one of those weeks! Since last weekend, I've been hell to live with. I've been irritable and on the edge of tears for days.
It started after going to my family doctor to check my thyroid last week and my results arriving in the mail on Saturday. They think my levels are GREAT and they want to keep everything 'as is' (even though their labs are using the OLD recommendations for hormone levels and not the new ones). Because I haven't felt "great" in years and because my doctor won't listen to me, I just wanted to cry. I wanted to tell them what they could do with their sunny little letter that came with the lab results in the mail. I want my short-term memory back. I want my skinnier body back. I want the brain fog to clear. I just want to feel like ME again. Needless to say, I was beyond frustrated.
Then, I'm in bad pain for two days. I thought I had food poisoning. It hurt so bad I was nauseous. Turns out it wasn't food poisoning. Being female, well, you know what it was. Never before has it caused me that much pain. Thanks for making my week better! Not. Bad news AND that too? Oh boy was everybody around me in for it.
THEN (yes there is more), I check our bank account and find that somebody has hacked my bank card number. When all is said and done, they've spent over $1500, mostly in the United Kingdom having a grand ole time shopping and traveling. Then the bank tells me they canceled the card, when they didn't, so the hackers got another $400 out of that mistake. THEN (yes, always more), I've tried to file a police report at our local police department for the last couple days over the hacking but everytime I go there (during normal business hours during the day), it's all locked up...not one cop working...not a secretary...doors locked, nobody is on duty. WTH?
I've also been a bit upset with hubby because I get tired of getting the blame for everything from his family. I guess you expect it a little bit because of the dynamics between in-laws, but sometimes it seems like I get the blame for something he didn't do and since I'm just the in-law, blame naturally falls on me. He didn't email his sisters back all those times? Well, his wife must not have given him the email all those times (when in fact, I leave them for him to read and won't delete them until he's had a chance to...it's not my fault if he won't respond back to them). Their brother, my husband, doesn't get along with his ex? Oh, it is all his wife's fault. Never mind they've never bothered to even ask their brother! Hubby married me and not the ex? Cardinal sin!! I'm getting tired of it. His sisters send out these mass emails to all their family and friends (including the ex and my husband's new email which the ex didn't have until they did this), but didn't include me in their mass emailing. Hubby, not realizing what they're doing, responds back to "all" to whatever the email is, unknowingly confirming his personal email back to the ex along with his response over what they sent...straight to the ex. She's probably sleeping with a copy of the email beneath her pillow, thinking he meant it to go to her when it would be the last thing he'd want. The ex is a part of their friends/family line; I'm not. We've been married for more than 13 years. They were never married. I've loved and supported their brother all of these years; the ex made him miserable. I've been here for him while the ex made false accusations and alienated their children.
Maybe it's all PMS motivated...I don't know. Maybe I'm overly sensitive right now. Maybe I just feel like the convenient scapegoat for other people's behavior.
Yes, I'm whining. I'm done now. It's been one of those weeks.
I posted this yesterday on my other blog and it's been a popular read. Why do people want to see accident scene photos of a young woman's death? I don't get it. I even had somebody ask me for a link to the photos!! Um....no!!!
Do you Twitter? It's the new thing to do, gaining momentum everyday, which is actually a big surprise to me.
On The View today (you know that show where most of the women gang up on one and argue - oops, I mean, debate - so much so that you can't hear what any of them are talking about. Like a bunch of angry birds squawking at each other...hey, they're twittering at each other. OK, bad joke.
Back to The View, Biz Stone, a co-founder of Twitter, told audiences today that Twitter is not for sale. Apparently, rumors abound that Google, Microsoft, and others are wanting to buy them. That's right. Hang onto it long enough, Biz, so the price goes up nice and high and then you can retire young. Good going, Twitter owners! With the popularity of Twitter increasing, the sale price can only go up, at least for now. Boy, I wish I had the knowledge to do something like this.
If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, follow me and send me a tweet!
Mother's Day, May 10, 2009.
A day once a year when many non-custodial and custodial stepmoms are left out. A day when the golden light from above shines down on the biological mother's head, casting some stepmoms in its shadow. It doesn't matter if that stepmom has cared for that child more than the biological mother up to that point...it's Mother's Day and to many, Mother's Day means biological mothers or adoptive mothers. There are many people who do not want it to mean stepmothers.
Mother's Day.
A day when some stepmoms' hearts fill with joy because they are shown just how appreciated they are. For some, a day when some stepmoms will cry because they've been forgotten, making them feel unappreciated by the kids or their husband for all they've done for the 364 days prior to this day. For others it is a day when some stepmoms will shrug it all off. It doesn't matter anymore.
So, which stepmom are you?
I read this fantastic post today on another blog about what some see as a controversial issue regarding stepmothers disciplining their stepchildren. It's a hot topic in a lot of homes trying to blend and especially between two warring homes when the other bio-parent doesn't think a step-parent should be disciplining at all. I think step-parents and their spouses should definitely read it. Please read Discipline and the Stepmom.
Read more...
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