What A Great Mother's Day

I hope everybody had an enjoyable Mother's Day! I had such a good day.

My husband took a day off from work so his sleep/work schedule wouldn't mess up Mother's Day too badly so I was able to wake up with him in the morning - yeah! Then, two of our kids brought me breakfast in bed.  They're so sweet. Then my husband and I went for a bike ride (as in bicycle, not motorcycle) for a little while (he is trying to get me to exercise for my health while I am adamantly opposed to sweating) but we had a really good time.  We spent the entire ride chatting about whatever...it was nice. Of course, there were lots of presents - school-made presents from my two youngest girls, homemade cards from the kids, a card from my hubby (Happy Mother's Day, Ho...and no, I don't take that as an insult...we make up goofy nicknames for each other all the time and after 16 years of marriage, I'm proud of the fact that our sex life is still "ho" material, lol), a Yankee Candle present from my oldest and then a new camera! Then whatever I wanted for dinner.  It was a great day.

It was actually several hours into my day before I thought of my stepkids and how they'd ignore it (they did). That's been the "norm" the last few years so no big surprise there. I am no longer the woman they consider a mother figure despite their childhood spent loving and caring for them.  However, with all the crap from my sd the past couple of years, I am ok about that.  My tears dried up several years ago over that relationship loss with them. My heart is unbroken (fail for the ex).  Maybe my adult sd will mature eventually and remember but in the meantime, their behavior doesn't mess up my day or my time spent with my family.  My kids were wonderful, and my husband was so great I wanted to jump him all day long.  I am truly very lucky to be so blessed with our wonderful, loving four kids and a husband who loves all of us so much. I am very proud of the family my husband and I created together. We did good!

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Mother's Day Ignored

The stepkids ignored Mother's Day for me.  As usual, I expect it from my stepson.  My stepdaughter usually sends me a Happy Mother's Day message.  This year, nada.  Guess she's still ticked off at the stuff she started on facebook and is going to blame me for that?

Oh well.

My own kids and husband spoiled me absolutely rotten and not just ON Mother's Day. It was like a four day weekend of spoiling for me!  Loved it!!

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Not Celebrating Mother's Day with Mom

Mother's Day is rolling around and young kids and adult kids all over the place are scrambling to make or buy for the perfect gift for mom.  What am I doing for my mom?

Nothing.  You reap what you sow and she sowed a lot of dysfunction.

• Did she attend parent night when all the football players and cheerleaders were given flowers and walked onto the field with their parents?  Nope, neither of my parents showed up.  Somebody else's parents walked me out on the field (after I cried a lot).
• Was she there during any of the other high school years?  Nope, she was too busy trying to commit suicide or pretending to for attention so she was home and dazed or away at the hospital for her own protection.  Such fond memories...
• Where was she when my father kicked me out of the house (that he wasn't even living in at the time with my mother) when I was 17?  She was sitting on the couch making out with him while I walked my boxes out to my car.  Blech. Hurl. Yak.
• She walked in and out of my birthing room during my firstborn's delivery, despite my not wanting her there because she thought she had every right to be there regardless of how I felt.  She made it all about her.  Funny thing though...she never remembers that child's birthday.  She doesn't remember my other kids' birthdays either so at least she doesn't treat my kids differently eh?  She doesn't play favorites between my kids...she plays favorites between her daughters' families. 
• Did she bother to come spend ANY time with her grandchildren when we were up there in March?  She was supposed to.  She was expected to.  She never showed up.

I used to go through the motions with her with phone calls, gifts, etc. but the toxic relationship was tearing me up.  When some stuff happened a few years ago when my daughter was hurt by a family member, my mother took sides - the WRONG side.  Nobody was asking her to take sides though but she jumped to one side of the line and my family was on the other side of the line (my daughter's therapist, Protective Services, and the Sheriff's Dept. was on my side of the line as well).  Just stay neutral, be grandma but she couldn't manage that.  That was IT for me. 

What is sad (for her anyway)?  My kids have stopped noticing that their mam-maw just doesn't act like a grandmother anymore.  I guess it's a good thing my kids aren't being hurt (I think they're forgetting who she is honestly).  My four year old asked me a couple weeks ago if my mother was dead.  Even my father, who I had an extremely antagonistic relationship with for as long as I can remember, remembers my kids' birthdays and holidays.  His card is always the first one to arrive every single time.

Usually I don't give my mother much thought.  She's in another state and her drama doesn't touch me often.  With our recent trip north when she didn't show to see her grandkids, I'm a bit ticked at the moment.  One of my sisters told me recently that she thinks our mother is really sick (physically) and in denial about it.  I don't know whether she is or not but I know I can't live with the toxic on a daily basis like I used to with her.  So if she is sick, does it change anything?  Not now.  Not yet.  Not sure if it will. 

Being a mother is not about birthing a child (though there are a lot of ex's that think that eh?).  Being a mother is about how you love and nurture children, how you teach children to love and respect others and help them grow to be responsible adults.  That makes a lot of stepmoms who love and nurture children who aren't their own pretty darn good moms! 

We will celebrate Mother's Day long distance this weekend - for my mother-in-law who I am thankful for.  She loves my kids, remembers them, and doesn't play favorites.  My own mother lost out because we have some darn good kids:)

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Did the stepkids recognize you for Mother's Day?

Well, as I expected, not a word from the stepkids for Mother's Day. My stepdaughter and I even texted briefly about shampoo (she wanted to know what kind we had when she was here for Spring Break) but not a word. I wasn't surprised.

It's a HUGE difference from when this day was acknowledged with drawings and hugs, etc. I've saved those drawings and cards. They're good memories. Boy how things change. Perhaps in the future we'll get her back (beyond the teen years).

How about you?

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Happy Mother's Day

I just wanted to wish all the stepmothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. I know some don't get acknowledged for all that they do but I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU:) I've been a stepmom for more than 13 years so I know that of which I speak.

So take some time for yourself today to pamper yourself. Don't worry about the ex or anything else. It's your day too (even if she doesn't want to share).

I am going to enjoy my kids today and all their home-made gifts. My husband bought me miniature roses (which I need to do a search online to see how to transplant them) and the horse tack I've wanted for forever but didn't want to spend the money on.

Today, I am going to forget about my thyroid problems and the fact that I have a solid nodule on it that needs to be biopsied. I am not going to think about what is the best diet pill to get rid of all this added weight because of my thyroid. I'm just going to enjoy the day. The rest I can worry about later.

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How do you feel about Mother's Day as a stepmom?

Mother's Day, May 10, 2009.

A day once a year when many non-custodial and custodial stepmoms are left out. A day when the golden light from above shines down on the biological mother's head, casting some stepmoms in its shadow. It doesn't matter if that stepmom has cared for that child more than the biological mother up to that point...it's Mother's Day and to many, Mother's Day means biological mothers or adoptive mothers. There are many people who do not want it to mean stepmothers.

Mother's Day.

A day when some stepmoms' hearts fill with joy because they are shown just how appreciated they are. For some, a day when some stepmoms will cry because they've been forgotten, making them feel unappreciated by the kids or their husband for all they've done for the 364 days prior to this day. For others it is a day when some stepmoms will shrug it all off. It doesn't matter anymore.

So, which stepmom are you?

• I was the first stepmom for awhile. When my stepkids were too young to be affected by the negativity heaped on and around them, I received their handmade attempts that were so sweet.
• Then for a very short time, I became the second stepmom being forgotten as a "stepmom" (though never forgotten as "mom" to my own kids) once the negativity started to have its desired effect on the children.
• Finally, I quickly became the stepmom who shrugs it off, the stepmom who might think of the stepchildren with a twinge but will easily set aside what can't be changed and enjoy the day with my own kids. I have four beautiful children who do so much to show their appreciation and love that there is no way that somebody else's negative actions are going to ruin the day for me. The ex will never have that much power.

I no longer have any expectations from my teenaged stepchildren for Mother's Day. Expect the worst and perhaps be surprised, but likely not.

So, which stepmom are you?

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Mother's Day Sales

Have you seen the Buy.com ads with Howie Mandel? If you haven't, you should check them all out. He's so funny! While you're there, check out all the good sales going on too. Mother's Day is coming up. Don't forget all the mothers (your wife, your mother, your grandmother, your mother-in-law, your godmother, your children's godmothers, your stepmother, your child's stepmother, etc.). I bet you didn't realize there were so many mothers you should show appreciate for did you?

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there...and that includes the stepmoms! I know Mother's Day can sometimes be an awkward day for stepmoms with a lot of mixed feelings.

Personally, I gave up my mixed feelings years ago, lol. I don't expect to hear from my stepkids at all today. They used to acknowledge me on Mother's Day and I appreciated that, but that was then. I'd fall over from a heart attack if I did hear from them, lol. It doesn't affect my day not to hear from them.

My husband and kids are awesome on Mother's Day. My kids always come home with something from school for me and the time they spend doing that means a lot to me. My son told me yesterday that he hoped he liked what he is giving me because he spent two days at school making it, lol. My oldest daughter spent the previous few days gathering what she needed for her gift for me. She asked me a few days ago for any pics of she and I together. They put their little hearts into their gifts and that is what I love.

My husband gave me my gift yesterday. I am a picture and video taking freakazoid and my previous video camera didn't work with Vista on my computer so I've been using the video capability on my digital camera but they're not great videos so...it's a new video camera! Yeah! It takes them on mini DVD or SD which is great and it is so much smaller than my other camera...much more convenient. I love it! It is going to be perfect for our vacation next week! He shows me he loves me all the time without gifts too. He's a good husband...and cute too...and sexy too.

With my kids and a husband as wonderful as they are, I can't waste my day having mixed feelings over my stepkids. I am going to enjoy my day:) I hope you do too!!

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Calculate Your Salary as MOM

Mother's Day is around the corner. Do you know how much all you do equates into an actual salary? You really can't put a dollar value on it, but there is a site that tries to. You can find out at the Mom Salary Wizard. I was curious so I tried it. Here is what it came up with for me in my area:

This is not a sponsored post.

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