Protect Your Communication With Ex

About a week ago, I wrote about the importance of keeping good records when it comes to our written communication with my husband's ex. It's always been a must with us, unfortunately. It would be nice to trust the other parent to do what they say they will and be fair in return, but we can't all live in fairyland now can we?

I have an external hard drive that backs up my computer with a touch of one button. It's awesome! I used to spend hours transferring things to 3-1/2" disks (remember those?) and then onto CD's. Now I just hit one button and I'm done ensuring that any correspondence that has occurred between the two homes is backed up for future reference.

Not only does it back up all the mess that is the ex, but I back up all my family videos and pictures at the same time so I never have to worry about my computer crashing and destroying data on me. Pictures and videos of my children are too precious to risk losing!

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Vacation with Stepson

Well, we did make it on vacation (hubby chose to take his vacation despite his employer "appreciating it" if he would cancel it). Given he hasn't had a vacation in over a year, and during THAT vacation, they asked him to come back early and work (which he did), I can't blame him for wanting some time away.

We saw my stepdaughter and stepson one of the days we were in Michigan and then we took my stepson with us to northern Michigan for the rest of our vacation. I don't have a lot of time to post (have to stock up on food again now that we're home so we can eat:) but will post more later!

Seeing dh's ex after four years = ack!

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House Smells Like Dogs

The dogs are taking over my house. Actually, the puppy is. We don't have carpet because of the dogs so you'd think puppy accidents wouldn't smell after they're cleaned up but I can smell dog when I come into the house. I've tried spray air fresheners but they only give a temporary blast of fragrance and then it's gone.

I was looking for something that gave off fragrance consistently throughout the day and I found WoodWick Spill-Proof Reed Diffusers. These look perfect because the kids and dogs can't spill them if they knock them over as they all go barreling though my house (which they do on a regular basis).

No matter how clean my house may look, that smell just makes it feel dirty. I want dogs but I don't want my house to smell like I have dogs.

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Vacation Soon!

We're heading to Michigan for vacation soon! I'm excited to finally get some time away! We'll be visiting family, seeing the stepkids for the day we will be in their area , and then heading to northern Michigan to see more family. We always take our kids everywhere we go pretty much but it would be nice to leave them at the in-laws for a night and just take off with my husband to the dunes or something. I've never been to Sleeping Bear Dunes though I did vacation on Beaver Island once and I got around in a rented jeep that I took off-road (the island doesn't allow you to take your own vehicles there). They should get some real off-road vehicles like the Yamaha Rhine 660 for people to rent. That would have been much more fun than the retired mail jeep that I rented!

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Home Birth

We're going to be heading on vacation right around the time one of my sisters is due to have her baby (I have two that are pregnant). Since we'll be vacationing in their area, I'm really hoping she'll give birth before we get there so we can see the baby (yes, my own selfish reasons, lol).

If we time it just right, we may get to be there when the baby is born. My sister does home births with a mid-wife. Her last baby was born Christmas morning at home and then their other child opened his presents from Santa after their sibling was born. How cool is that? It sounded like a very peaceful way to bring a baby into the world without all the monitors and poking and prodding that occurs in a hospital.

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Lab Results Back

My lab results came back from my new endocrinologist. I posted them on my thyroid blog if anybody wants to take a peek at them. The recommendation is coming for another biopsy (yeah me...not). The doctor doesn't think my weight gain has anything to do with my thyroid. Seeing how I was always a beanpole up until I got thyroid disease, it seems pretty obvious to me. The endocrinologist seems to think I can lose two pounds a month by cutting out 100 calories a day. He didn't "hear" me when I told him I don't eat more than the suggested caloric intake and exercising isn't doing anything for me either! It's not like I'm pigging out on a bag of chips by myself! I'm not quite ready for the best weight loss supplements available but I am ready for a new doctor already!

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The University of Scranton

I've been looking around online for a good college to finish my degree. I want it totally online, accredited (this is very important to me), with the ability to finish the degree quicker than the norm (again, very important as a mother of four young kids).

I found The University of Scranton which received fantastic ranking in The Princeton Review. If that's not enough, for the 14th consecutive year, U. S. News & World Report ranked them in the top for master's for schools in the north. If you're looking for the best online MBA, check out one of America's best colleges. Financial aid is available (with this economy, who couldn't use a little financial help).

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Will renewing vows start another spectacle?

I wonder if the ex will get just as upset if we renew our vows as she was when we were engaged and married to begin with? She made that a little bit of a spectacle, but we didn't let it bother us. It was her problem, not ours. If there are any problems if we renew our vows, it will be the same thing - her problem, not ours. I would hope that after all this time, she'll just keep quiet about it (this time). She used to refer to me as the "current wife" (though she was never married to my husband so I'm not sure if she was just being snooty or if she thought our marriage wouldn't make it - 13-1/2 years later, the jokes on her.)

We always planned to renew our vows since when we married, it was in front of a judge with no big "to do" because we were in the middle of a court thing with the ex. It was just a matter of when we would do it. We're a little more than a year away from 15 years (yeah us!). I want to start looking at mens rings for my husband. He found my band to renew our vows several years ago already! (Yeah, he loves me.) I want to find him a ring that is comfortable to wear. Some rings just aren't comfortable.

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Keeping Good Records

If you're like us, you realized early on that it is very important to keep good records of correspondence between you and the ex and perhaps a journal of things that don't leave their own paper trail. I have many bankers boxes in storage full of correspondence dealing with the ex from the first 11 years. (Imagine the bonfire we'll have after the kids turn 18!) We usually recycle all paper products but I can't imagine what the people at the recycle center would think if they read that!) For the past three years, rather than bombard my storage area with even more paperwork, I've kept most everything I could electronically with back ups. I see no reason to continue to kill trees to protect ourselves from the ex.

I have to ensure that I have a good computer system (and back-up) to hold everything. I started with disks but now I keep a stand alone back-up unit that backs up with the touch of a button. Love it!

I'm not too bad on the computer. I know my way around pretty well so this is easy enough for me. If I had to venture into the technical or mechanical side of computers, I'd call on somebody like orange county computer support because I'd have no clue.

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Step Stress Cause Marital Problems?

My husband and I rarely fight all year long. Don't get me wrong, he gets on my nerves sometimes with the day-to-day stuff, as I am sure I get on his as well, but in terms of actual arguments, we rarely have them. Do you know when we do?

When the ex or stepkids come into it - when inappropriate requests come from the ex or stepkids, when we're trying to work out visitation schedules and he's doing what the ex wants as she tramples all over his parental rights, or when the stepkids are here and he's being daddy-fun-time instead of dad. He's changed so much in terms of how he deals with the ex and his kids over the past 3-4 years that if it had been this way in the beginning, I wouldn't have said "I do." If we had to deal with this every other weekend, there's no way I could. Good thing we are long distance I guess.

Is it that his kids are now teens now? Is it that because he rarely sees his kids (thanks ex for the PAS), he's going to let them do/say what they want w/o rules while they're here? Is it easier to keep his ex off his back this way rather than demand his rights?

The tension mounts, something is said wrong or without thought, and BOOM! I'm fed up. I have barely talked to hubby since Saturday when the driving thing came up with my stepdaughter, who just got her driver's permit, driving my SUV (see previous posts). The way my husband said, "Are you going to be like that when they" (our kids) "start to drive too?" just irritated the heck out of me. My first thoughts after that comment: HIS KIDS ARE NOT MY KIDS, THEY TREAT HIM AND THEIR SIBLINGS LIKE CRAP SO WHY SHOULD I GO OUT OF MY WAY ANYMORE AFTER GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR OVER TEN YEARS FOR THEM, AND IT IS MY FRICKEN CAR. Yes, I'm mad.

All of it was for nothing too. Hubby's employer has requested he cancel his vacation due to the workload. So we won't be seeing the stepkids on Saturday anyway.

I'm still mad at him.

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Still Not Making Sense (Though She Never Did)

She's doing it again...

SD has a referral to an oral surgeon for TMJ. The first doctor she was referred to (that story is here) wasn't covered by ex's (primary) insurance but she didn't verify that until she asked us to check our insurance (she's primary so it didn't make sense). Now she has a second referral to a different doctor. She wants us to check to see if this doctor is covered by our insurance and THEN she will see what her insurance covers with the billing codes.

If she is just going to find a third referral if her insurance doesn't cover this referral (like she did the first time), why should I bother finding out if our insurance covers anything first before she does that? I don't get her at all. I don't want to waste my time AGAIN, like I did the first time.

She makes NO sense at all to me.

It would make sense to most people for HER to contact her insurance company with the billing codes and find out what exactly they will or won't cover. If they cover enough that she still wants to use this referral, THEN ask us to see if that doctor is in-network with our insurance too. If they don't, she'd move onto a different doctor anyway so what's the dang point? Oh yeah, it's her head. There's the point.

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Vacation is going to turn into a fight concerning sd

We'll be driving to the stepkids' state in a few days. We'll be on vacation visiting my family (they live in same area as ex) and then driving to my in-laws for the remainder of our vacation. We'll get the kids in there for one of the days for the day (since they couldn't find time in their busy schedule to come spend any time here at any time during the summer...supposed to be here five weeks, couldn't rearrange their busy schedules to even come one week).

While we are in their area, we'll be staying with my sister. Hubby just asked me this morning if sd's boyfriend could come to my sister's too. (You mean bring somebody else who sd will spend all her time with even though we probably won't see them until next year some time and her younger siblings want to see and spend time with her?) Oh yeah, that's what he meant. I haven't asked yet. I told dh that since my sister lost her job seven months ago when the economy tanked, we'll be bringing food and stuff because I don't want to put her out. It is six extra mouths with just us, it'll be nine with the two stepkids and a boyfriend. Yeah us.

The MAJOR annoyance was when I told hubby that sd would NOT be driving my SUV while we were there (she JUST got her learner's permit within the past week). Hubby says, "Why not, are you going to say that when "they" (our kids he was pointing to) get theirs too?" Well, gee, I don't know. Let me think here...

• If sd rear ends somebody or something, is the ex going to pay my $500 deductible? I think not.
• If the sd hits something, is the ex going to sue us if sd or ss gets hurt?
• If sd hits something and we no longer have a vehicle to continue our vacation, is that supposed to be ok?
• If sd hits something, then the insurance company says, "Hey, you have a teen driver" even though she doesn't spend more than seven nights a year at our house so when our insurance doubles or triples for a teen driver, is that going to be ok? I think not. The ex's insurance can triple. I like our insurance rates just the way they are, thank you very much.
• You mean, I'm expected to give my keys to a girl who wouldn't give us the time of day for 358 days over this past year, who has lied to us, and who couldn't pick up the phone to call her daddy on Father's Day? Yeah, right.

I'm supposed to be ok with handing the keys to my $36,000 truck to a girl who just got her permit sometime in the last week? Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor!

So, I was planning on staying at my sister's when hubby went to pick up his kids from the ex. I haven't seen the ex in four years and I wanted to keep it that way. Problem is, will hubby be able to say "no" to his daughter when she wants to drive MY truck after he picks them up? Will he even think about saying "no" even though he knows how I feel about it or will he think I'm being ridiculous and let her drive it anyway? Do I have to go to ensure he doesn't let sd drive my truck (because I can see him letting her do that and then swapping places before they get to my sister's house and I'm not sure if I am being ridiculous with that thought or if it is valid).

I'm irritated. I'm about to tell hubby I am going to stay home on "our vacation" with "our" kids and he can take "his" car on his own vacation to see "his" kids and if "his" daughter puts it in a ditch, then it is "his" problem!

I think I'm PMS'ing.

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Paybacks for Ex

My husband's employer requires annual check-ups with blood work for cholesterol, eye check-ups, and dental visits. They assign a point level to each thing and you have to accumulate a certain number of points or else you get the lower quality insurance that costs us more and covers less.

My husband balks at doing this every year. I think he's just afraid of anybody in lab coats! I don't know a man who has ever liked going to the doctors though. I don't like it either but he has no choice because with four kids, I'm not accepting inadequate insurance coverage for them (or losing my husband to something that could be easily fixed if caught early).

The deadline is mid-August so I've got his eye and dental visits scheduled and now have to work on the preventative doctor's visit. Being over 40, he's due for a prostate screening. I should just schedule it with his regular doctor and not tell him. That'd be a big surprise at the doctor's visit for him eh? Payback for all the stress of dealing with his ex? That's just my more evil side talking. I'd tell him first. Maybe.

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Blog Ratings

I saw this at Life of a Stepmama and wanted to see what my blogs were rated. Here's mine:

This Page is Rated

PG-13

www.stepfamilysanctuary.com

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quizzes

I am going to go check my other blogs now. Other than my blog for adults (yup, I have one, lol), I expect the rest will be simliar to this or less.

Edited to add: My adult blog was a NC-17.

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Pregnant or New Moms

I started this blog for new moms. It's new so there isn't a lot on it yet, but that will change. It's called Nouveau Mommy.

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Video Game Household Rules

My son is a huge video game fanatic. He loves everything "video" but I think kids spend too much time in front of a television or video game system and not enough time in their own imagination (like they could with these toys from Mighty World Toys).

We have video game rules in place in our home (that my stepson didn't agree with and the ex thought we were "too strict" for having). We were just so mean to expect our children to follow rules!

For one, there are no video games during the school week, only on the weekend. They can do homework, read, or play outside.

Another rule is that if you break the household rules, you lose your video game system. I have no qualms about taking the systems and all the games that go with it and putting them in a closet somewhere until the punishment is over. I've done it before. Such a mean stepmom and mom I am eh?

Finally, we only allow certain rated video games be played. There is nothing teen or mature rated in our home at this time. I don't believe the cleavage, shooting, and blood is appropriate at my children's ages. Despite this, it didn't stop the ex from allowing my stepson to bring his inappropriate games to our home during visitation way before he was a teen (you can imagine the problems it caused).

Here are some other rules from Parenting.org. They give some guidelines on things to consider for children.

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Phone Calls are Impossible

My stepson has a cell phone and guess what? He didn't let his dad know or give him the number obviously.

Speaking of phones, my husband has tried calling his kids several times and left messages that he was calling to talk to the kids, etc. Nobody answers the phone and nobody returns calls. They're home. No excuse.

Isn't that nice of them?

What I find REALLY funny is that my husband bought his son something he wanted for his birthday to be shipped directly to his house but it was on back order. We either could have bought him something different, that he didn't want as much, or this item so we kept the order knowing it would be on back order. Since they won't pick up the phone and he's not leaving that information on the ex's answering machine, my husband hasn't been able to tell him that his birthday present is on back order. He probably thinks his father didn't buy him a birthday present. Perhaps he would think that because he didn't bother to call his dad (or text or email or write) on Father's Day. It would serve him right. I would've bought a card and put in the same amount of $$ as his age myself, but that's just evil me.

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Why Hate For So Long?

I was thinking today (I think sometimes)...wondering why an ex would WANT to have conflict for years on end with the parent of their child (or with anybody for that matter). Especially when you divorce when your children are young, that is a long time left to feel such bitterness and hatred. What is the point? Who is it supposed to hurt? The other parent? I would guarantee that it hurts the children most of all. I would imagine that it stunts the person who is living in and spewing the bitterness as well, keeps them from moving on in some way.

We had it so bad for the first half a dozen years that I had to wonder if there were life insurance quotes out on me that I didn't know about. There should have been police reports a couple of times. Since putting distance (a lot of it) between us, the daily conflict has tapered down to a trickle here and there. The less daily interaction we have with the ex, the better it is. Plus, I disengaged so it's been a lot easier not having to deal with her on a weekly basis. Gotta love that!

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Buying Extras for Stepkids

I was wondering who here is in a household that pays child support AND buys clothes for their stepkids? I guess I could post a poll, but thought I'd just write a post instead!

We have always paid child support. It's a given and that isn't going to change. When the kids were younger, we also bought them clothes as well. It's not that the ex didn't buy for them as well but it was easier for us to keep clothes for the kids here after I was basically accused of taking my then toddler stepdaughter's black stretch pants by the ex AND her sister. After several phone calls from them, and my looking all over the house again to shut them up (even though I KNEW I packed them in my stepdaughter's bag), they never did apologize for hassling me even though my stepdaughter showed up wearing them on the next weekend. That was the first time I was accused of doing something I didn't do but if you're an unhappy person, I guess some people just can't help themselves.

Plus, she'd send the kids over in their dirtiest and ugliest clothes when we had something special going on (like pictures). We got their pictures taken in those dirty clothes and sent them around to family - - if she didn't mind it looking like she kept the kids in rags, then ok, lol. When we didn't have anything going on, they'd be in cute little matching outfits. Go figure, huh? Who knew when you married a man with kids to make an instant stepfamily that the hassle would go on for years and years.

I would buy my stepdaughter the most adorable little girls dresses. After realizing they were never wearing any of the clothes we bought for them if we sent them home to the ex's house, we started keeping them at our house and a wardrobe was born.

Now that they're teenagers and we rarely see them, I don't keep clothes for them here. It'd be a waste of money. We might pick up a t-shirt or something to send to them, and include some clothes to open at the holidays, but that's the extent of our clothing shopping for them.

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It's not up to me to make it work with the ex.

Most of us stepmoms probably did a lot of research trying to figure out how to make "it" work - the relationship with the stepkids, the relationship with the ex (aka "it" by some people I guess, lol), and a marriage to a man who has to juggle his children, a new wife, and the sometimes irrational expectations of an ex. There had to be some way to make the relationship with the husband's ex-girlfriend work, right?

I bought and checked out so many stepfamily and divorce books, trying to get some understanding of how to co-parent with somebody who didn't want to co-parent and who would never like me no matter what because I was married to the man she wanted to be married to (it had nothing to do with "me" personally). She would have despised any woman in that role so I shouldn't have taken it personally, right? Yeah, right. She made it personal with her snotty remarks, interfering behavior, and when my own children were hurt by her interfering behavior.

Yikes, got off track. What I came to realize after so many years of feeling like we were living in the blazing flames of "you know where" whenever we had to deal with her is that nothing I read about how to make a stepfamily work or how to co-parent successfully with the ex WOULD work unless she was willing to meet part of the way - even a little part. She not only refused to take a step forward, she ran backward as fast as she could spewing bitterness all the way.

I've been married more than 13 years to the man that the children's therapists have said she still wants and the last person she dated was my husband (yeah, it's been that long). That has been her problem, not mine. Can I change her mind, her behavior, or her feelings? Absolutely not. Did I do everything I could to try to form some relationship with her? Yes, I did. Do I feel guilty for not caring a thing about her? Nope. Do I enjoy the fact that I haven't seen her face in four years? Oh heck ya!

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I Don't Get Her

My stepdaughter is supposed to wear a mouth guard due to jaw pain/popping. We had to pay more out-of-pocket because insurance didn't cover much of it. When she was here for Spring Break, we asked her about it because she wasn't wearing it. She said that once the pain stopped, she stopped wearing the mouth guard and then when she needed it again (due to pain), she said it didn't fit anymore.

Then we get an email from the ex recently that my stepdaughter is being referred by the dentist to an oral surgeon. We questioned if surgery was the next logical choice given that my stepdaughter hadn't even been wearing her mouth guard. According to the ex, she does wear it...you know, the usual high and mighty tone ex's can take when they write. Yeah, ok, when? She certainly didn't bring it here when she stayed for a week and my stepdaughter said it didn't fit anymore. Who is lying?

Anyway, the ex wanted to know if this oral surgeon is in-network for our insurance (which is secondary to the ex's insurance). I contacted them to find out and he is. I let the ex know. I realized she hadn't told us if he was in-network to hers. Given she's primary insurance holder, you'd think she would have checked before contacting us about it right? No. Come to find out, as of right now, he's not. They're sending her the codes they'd bill under so she can contact her insurance again but she said they might have to get a referral to somebody else.

What a dimwit! Why wouldn't she have checked that first before contacting us to find out if ours was if she was going to get a different referral anyway if her primary insurance wouldn't cover it? I swear that she must type BS just to get some type of contact now and then. Kind of like a "yoo hoo, remember me?" email!?!

Another thing that hasn't even been mentioned is that my stepdaughter plays the clarinet (band, marching band, jazz band). That kind of tension on the jaw while you play (I played clarinet), when you have TMJ, would continue to cause strain. I have TMJ (thanks to all the BS from the ex over the years) so I know. Has anybody considered that losing the clarinet might be a better choice to try first rather than cutting open a teenager's jaw? I wonder if the dentist even knows she plays.

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Dad Accused of Sex Abuse Cleared After Almost 20 Years in Prison

A former police officer was convicted of molesting his two children and spent almost 20 years in prison. Prosecutors at the time withheld the medical exam reports showing no evidence of abuse.

The children's mother, who divorced the father prior to the accusations, told her children that they were blocking out the memory of the abuse by their father. As adults, they realized the abuse never happened and filed to have it reversed.

The sentence was commuted in 2004 due to questions about the validity. On Friday, the children (now adults) were able to take the stand in a hearing for their dad. Despite this, Clyde Ray Spencer is still considered a sex offender and is hoping to have the convictions overturned.

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I think parents in a divorce situation who falsely accuse the other parent of a crime should be charged with a crime themselves when it is proved false. False accusations harm so many people - the person accused, the rest of their family, and the children. When so many get away with it, it just encourages other parents to do this.

The story is here.

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My Support Countdown Hit a Milestone Today

We are at three years and 11 months exactly on when we can look for a house large enough to fit us all comfortably. That coincides with the end of child support where you will find me doing a BIG happy dance. It's not like I'm wanting to buy a jewelry box full of yellow gold diamond necklaces (though one would be nice). We are crammed into this house (four kids and two adults and then the two stepkids when they decide to grace us with their presence).

I know it is in the best interests of the children to receive child support and I think both parents SHOULD be financially responsible for supporting their children. My problem is with accountability and the unfair tax advantages the ex gets. Hubby pays taxes on his income and then hands it over to the ex (who it is tax free for). Then, she gets the tax deductions for two kids on top of it! Even when hubby paid part of their child care, when they required child care, he didn't get the child care credit either. Some states require both parents to alternate on the tax advantages on a yearly basis. The county where my husband's court order is says the ex would have to agree to it. Good thing I'm not holding my breath waiting for that to happen.

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Over 50,000 Visitors

I just went over the 50,000 mark

for visitors to my stepfamily blog!

Thanks guys!!

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Working From Home

I work from home and I'm doing OK, but I am wondering what the medical field has to offer. The medical field is something that will always be in demand. So I've been looking at transcriptionist and coding work-at-home job requirements. Without taking medical coding training courses, I won't be able to do very much though. My administrative and managerial background are all great (and I can type like a fiend) but with the unique requirements for medical coding, I'd definitely need to go back to school.

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Stresses of a Stepmom

I can feel my jaw starting to ache again. I have TMJ and stress aggravates it (and makes it worse). Every time something comes up with the ex or stepkids anymore, I get tense. Does anybody else get that way? Between Father's Day and my stepson's coming birthday, I'm feeling a bit tense.

I guess my jaw pain is my indication that I need to let it go before my body becomes more damaged by the years of stress (that continue). It's not like I can run off on Caribbean cruises or anything like that but I really need to find a way to let go and relax (that doesn't cost anything).

3 years, 11 months and 3 days left until I will feel free. Yes, I count the days.

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Anybody done a cleanse?

Has anybody done the Master Cleanse? I thought about doing the lemon juice, cayenne pepper and syrup in water bit to see if I would lose any weight. It required Grade B syrup though and I couldn't find it. I decided to try it without the syrup. Oh my gosh! It was horrid. Talk about burning! Guess I should have waited until I found the syrup.

I thought it was a safe thing to try because it didn't involve pills and such. I am leery of trying weight loss pills, especially since I don't know how they'll react to my thyroid medication. I know there are diet pill reviews sites I could look at to see what works and what doesn't but that won't tell me if I, personally, will react to them due to my thyroid medications.

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Stepson Birthday Present

Hubby has picked out his teenage son's birthday present. He considered a $180 gift but $55 sounded much better to him (not sure if my lack of enthusiasm over the $180 gift had anything to do with it but I'm glad he made the decision to change the gift to the less expensive one before I had to speak up about it myself). He left it for me to order but I ran into a problem with gifting it (have to have my bank approve the ex's shipping address on my account, yada yada yada...something I'm not going to do) so I can't right now. Oh well.

Considering stepson didn't bother to contact his dad in any way, shape, or form for Father's Day, I'm not worried about whether it gets there in time (or at all honestly). I'd send him a birthday card and be done with it myself. Maybe I'd include a calendar for 2010 with every holiday and birthday highlighted to get the point across.

I'll tell hubby and leave it up to him. With the way that boy treats his dad and siblings, I'm not making his birthday present my problem. I made an attempt and couldn't complete the order. That's the extent of what I plan to do about it.

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Summer Parenting Time Update - Kids Aren't Coming

It doesn't look like the kids will be coming here for any part of their (what is supposed to be five weeks) parenting time. They're too scheduled for the summer to spend time with their dad and four siblings (what a great ex huh?).

We will be going up there on vacation for a couple days in a few weeks so we plan to grab them for the day we will be there. They don't know this yet (unless the ex snoops here...then she knows now right? lol). I told hubby yesterday he better request it as soon as we confirm our dates so the ex can't refuse at the last minute. If the ex refuses, there SHOULD be hell to pay.

Eventually there will be. I have to believe that all the manipulations in the last 14 years towards hubby and the kids should come back to bite the butt in this lifetime or after and that the realization of the damage done has to hit eventually. There HAS to be some accountability somewhere!!

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Divorce Best for Kids?

I hear it alot - that it'd be best for the kids to divorce so they aren't being raised in a home full of conflict. Many of us stepmoms know that while that may be the intention of some, what ends up happening is it becomes two homes with conflict between them. Very sad for the kids (and adults who can't move on).

So, is it best for the kids for their parents to stay married (this doesn't include homes where there is abuse and/or neglect)?

According to Successful Stepfamilies, it's:

"...about at least one adult who is afraid to take any further risk to rescue the marriage. More often than not, divorce is an act of selfishness, not a benevolent action for the well-being of the children." See the article here."

I think it can be both actually. My parents divorced after 27 years. I had been wishing they'd divorce after about ten years because of the massive dysfunction that was our family. Some people may be flighty or selfish but in some cases, I believe it is in the best interests of the kids.

Should people stay married for the kids?

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