Daughter's Early Acceptance to College

My 17-year-old daughter (our oldest) did the "early application" to her first choice college and was accepted. She is THRILLED. She is ready to start her life she says. She and her boyfriend are both going to college for the same thing and both were accepted at the same college. She is ready to plan marriage (after college we hope) and all that goes along with it.  I wouldn't be surprised if she came home one day and said, "Mom, I found a wedding dj."

SCREECH!! (those are brakes)

We are trying not to be total downers but trying to be realistic as well. Yes, some high school relationships work and last. The majority? Not likely.  High school expectations are different than adult expectations. College opens you to a whole new world of experiences and people (and stress). Things can change. If he is "the one" for her then great...he'll still be the one when college is done, right?

Her boyfriend is actually great. If I were to choose a spouse for her (pfft, like parents get to do that), he would be a good choice, He treats her great. There just aren't a lot of boys like this anymore. HOWEVER, the degrees they're both going for is 7-8 years of college away. Let's wait 7-8 years for marriage, OK? Otherwise, I see him finishing with his degree and her giving up hers for married life. I actually don't think being a stay at home mom is a bad thing but she wants this med degree. She WANTS it. She needs to put the brakes on a bit the desire to "play house" and finish college if she wants that degree so badly. It could make the difference between a life of struggle or two parents with med degrees...hmmm...which one is better...let me think.

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Career Goals During High School

At what age do teenagers need to have a good idea of what they "think" they want to do, in terms of a career, and start planning it as far as what classes to take in high school and college?  My daughter is a freshman so she has a few years yet and I know my stepdaughter changed her career goals the last year of high school.  Many kids don't make up their mind until after high school, right?

My oldest used to want to be a vet, a nurse (though I can't see her shopping for nurse scrub sets at http://www.blueskyscrubs.com if the way she squealed when I cut my finger last week was any indication), an artist, a horse trainer, an architect, and now interior designer.  She is 14 - she has time to get it figured out.

As an adult, I would change my mind if we could afford it - I'd go to law school!  At the very least, I'd finish my paralegal degree but becoming an attorney would be my dream.

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Budget for College Books

For a brief moment, I thought my husband was dropping a bomb on me yesterday.  He started out saying, "We need to send * insert my stepdaughter's name here* money for her college books."  I knew we were going to contribute a little but wasn't expecting to pay all of it.  At a $65,000/year college, that would be so far outside our financial range, my stomach dropped.  My initial reaction was to get upset but I took a deep breath instead and asked him how much money he was thinking.  He asked me how much I was thinking and we were within $50 of each other and it is what we discussed in terms of her graduation present so no blowout.  Phew.

It's rough financially.  Our credit score is definitely wavering the last couple of years with the huge loss in hours.  In fact, it is that time of year again to check out our free credit score (and I'm dreading it).  We just can't risk our mortgage to pay thousands in college book fees; we have to keep a roof over our other childrens' heads too and put food on the table.  We've had discussions with our own four kids together about the necessity to work hard in school, get scholarships, save money at jobs when they can work, etc.  My stepkids weren't raised that way.  So as they become adults, when we thought it'd get easier, it's really not.  They still have huge expectations and we'll let them down.

Perhaps with student loans and such, my stepdaughter can be well on her way to the career she wants and establishing credit for herself.  It's too bad she didn't get a part-time job before now to start saving earlier.  It is what we expect of our own four kids together.  We have one budget that we have to maintain.  We don't keep separate budgets based on who mom is in our family.  It's very hard to raise six kids today but we manage.

I hope they all have the careers they want, however, like my husband and myself, our own four children will work very hard for their college education and have to work their way through college.  They will learn the value of a dollar, how to budget, and hopefully make good choices.  I think they'll appreciate more what they learn because honestly, I will be really surprised if my stepdaughter finishes this four-year, expensive college with the degree she is going for right now.  It is so far outside what she has ever wanted before (her boyfriend will be going into this field....that's when we started hearing she wanted to go into this field), I hope she's not wasting a whole lot of money.

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Hate Us (but hold your hand out for money at the same time)

My stepdaughter is currently in a very active "hate dad" campaign (along with her "dis stepmom and ignore her half-siblings phase").  In all the hate she has spewing right now, she expects us to buy her first year of books for college!  At the very high-cost college she is going to, that'll be around $1,000 or more (probably per semester) I'm estimating.

Yeah, I'm perfectly willing to hand over 1K every few months after being made to feel like nothing.  Not.  She must have me confused with a doormat.

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He Ruined Her Pretend Image! Interesting thought...

I think I've figured it out!  During the last 15+ years of my husband's ex-girlfriend being angry and bitter, I thought she was behaving so ugly because my husband didn't want her, he moved on and married happily.  I thought she used the kids by emotionally manipulating to get back at him because he didn't love her and wanted nothing to do with a romantic relationship with her all the while she played victim to his family and pretended to be something she wasn't - nice, civil, fair, human (take your pick).  I thought she warped her kids because she was bitter over the fact that their dad didn't want her.

Well, I don't think that was it.  Well, that wasn't all of it anyway.

You see, the ex likes to pretend she's the Virgin Mary in terms of her religious beliefs (never mind that she hasn't gone to church in a decade and had two kids out of wedlock, three pregnancies - from two different guys while never being married).  *Shhhh, nobody is supposed to remember that.*


I think the fact that my husband's refusal to set a wedding date and moving on left her unable to hide behind a marriage license the fact that she had sex outside of marriage.  That had to burn.  In her very Catholic family, that's a huge no-no (though her family hated HIM for it after it was all said and done, not her - like she didn't share 50% of the blame for creating those kids outside of marriage).  She can't introduce a husband who fathered those kids, or even an ex-husband - legitimizing those pregnancies in the church's eyes that she tries to pretend she's such a devout follower of to everybody.

Now - I don't believe in the sex is a sin outside of marriage bit.  I personally think what goes on between consenting adults is between those consenting adults and not anybody else - not other family members, not a church, etc.  My crank over this is the fact that the ex tries to pretend she is somebody she isn't to everybody (and some are even silly enough to believe her) and takes no responsibility for the problems.

How did I come to that conclusion?  A comment she left on my stepdaughter's facebook about her going to a nice, Catholic college (away from the "damn sluts" at her current high school).  Hmmm...whose the "damn slut" in her view of her life?  SHE would technically be one of those "damn sluts" by her own view of her religion.  Now she can try to buy her religious image back by sending my stepdaughter to a Catholic college for $65K/year.  Hope that turns out well for her.

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Religious Hypocrites for Good Friday

I was raised Catholic though I don't consider myself Catholic anymore.  Too much  hypocrisy, my idea of "God" is quite different than one that would send souls to hell, their concept of "confession" just bugs the hell out of me, and priests...well, there's been enough in the news that I don't need to go further.  My childhood priest ran off with his secretary in his black Pontiac Firebird!  Wonderful values!!

The point of this blog post - I'm getting there now.  Sometimes I get off track.

Facebook can be a great source of irritation where it concerns my stepkids.  Now that their mother is finally on their facebook (after I contacted her twice about my stepson's obscene vile he posted online because she wasn't supervising him), she can be a third source of irritation and laughs.

My stepdaughter (you'll have to read previous posts over the last couple weeks about her and Facebook) posted the other day about damn sluts who need to get the hell out of her high school.  Her mother responded on her facebook about how she'll be with the nice Catholic girls at her college soon (that's the $65K/year college my stepdaughter is going to).

OMG, did I roll in laughter.  Her mother pretends to be a nice Catholic girl.  The fact that she's had two kids out of wedlock, her and my husband picked each other up in a bar, she's never been married and had another pregnancy with a different guy besides the two kids she had out of wedlock with hubby, she hasn't gone to church in at least a decade and she's mean as hell.  Just screams nice catholic girl, doesn't it?

Perhaps spending $65/K a year for college is a way to buy back into that mirage of being a nice Catholic girl stuff.  Sometimes, the ex can be frustrating, annoying, hateful and hate-inspiring, but this morning, she's giving me the giggles over the hypocrisy.  Wow did I bust out laughing when I read that post of hers -  the hypocrisy that is the ex!  My stepdaughter isn't innocent either and the ex well knows it.  That $65,000/year should go far for both of them I guess.

Maybe that's why she's been even more hateful to hubby the past 16 years (moreso than when he lived with her) - he ruined her fantasy of being a nice Catholic girl when he didn't marry her and fix her sins (hide them for her behind a marriage license).

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Update: SD Calling Me Out on Facebook

I posted about a week ago about how my stepdaughter was starting crap on my Facebook with me.  See that post here.  The next day after that post, she did end up responding back with another comment of  "inappropriate!!" and then the one that made me just shake my head:  

" whatever, im not about to start something.aha"

Um, isn't that what you already did?  What was your point in all this then?

Here, stepmom, I'm going to give you crap on your Facebook in front of 200+ family and friends and then turn around a week later and request you and my father pay for my college books.  Yeah, we'll get right on that, darling.

Then...then...then...after calling me out on my Facebook because I called myself a "dumbass" in a private post for the "over 18 friends/family on my facebook" (I use filters) on my Facebook page, she just posted about "damn sluts" at her school on her Facebook for the rest of the public high school and family (almost 500 friends) on her facebook to see.  Hypocrite much?

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Stepkid Ramblings - College, Paternity, Gifts

So much for getting some distance from her suffocating mother.  My stepdaughter isn't going to room at college. She's going to drive back and forth (about an hour each way - in good traffic).  That means she doesn't need that huge flat-screen television from us anymore that she'd "requested" for her dorm room for her graduation present (along with a projector and brand new car - the other two items she asked us for...I know, pick yourself up off the floor...I had to.).  Now she has requested we buy her college books for her as her high school graduation gift.  How much are books anyway for a college that costs $65,000/year?  Any estimates?  I don't have a clue either.

So, continuing to live with the ex while in college means that, 1) sd will continue to feel like she needs prozac, 2) child support will drop a little because she'll have graduated but the relationship will remain the way it is now - difficult - because mommy dearest will be standing between her kid and her kid's father.  Ah well...that's the way it's been for all these years now...why change right?

Since when do you tell people what to get you for graduation?

I asked my husband if he wanted to make a bet with me on what his ex will get sd for graduation.  I'm 99% sure she will buy her a new car.  I was pretty sure of that before we got the news that she was going to making that haul everyday but now that she is - betcha it's a new car.  I wonder if that was dangled in front of her as a way to get her to live at home?  Hmm...  Anyway, my husband didn't take the bet.

Her mother's boss just bought sd a new laptop for her graduation present.  That was actually the gift we were planning on getting her at one point for her graduation but the ex told us SHE was buying it for her instead.

I've often wondered on the paternity of my stepson.  Wouldn't you if there was a guy that's been in the picture that buys kids and ex HUGE gifts (flat screen televisions, computers, trips to Disney, etc.)...kinda looks like my stepson (moreso than my husband)...ex didn't tell my hubby she was pregnant with my ss until she was three months along and they were living together...see the issue here?

Oh well...rattling over.  I see a long list of housekeeping that is just calling my name.

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Money Must Grow on Trees

I've been trying to think about what would be a good gift for my graduating stepdaughter.  I really don't have a clue yet.  I was also thinking that anything we get her will be nothing compared to what her mother will give her but oh well.  I'm not losing any sleep over that.  We'll come up with something for her that doesn't crush our bank account into oblivion or put us into debt for a few years...we have time yet.  This thought popped into my head a few days ago:  I think her mother will get her a new car for graduation. 

So today I asked my hubby if his daughter has given any indication of what she wanted for graduation.  Of course she has.  She told her dad she wants a new car.  *excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor*  She picked a college that costs $62,000 per year AND wants somebody to buy her a new car?  This from a kid who hasn't ever held a regular job - not even babysitting?  Wow, what's it like to have things handed to you?!?! 

I could not imagine ever telling one of my parents that I had a new car on my gift list!  My first car was paid for by me.  My auto insurance was paid for by me.  My college was paid for by me.  I pulled good grades and worked several jobs in high school at a doctor's office in the afternoon, waitressed at night, and  I babysat on weekend nights when I wasn't working at the restaurant.  I worked for what I wanted or needed.  I worked and went to college on my own dime, not my parents.  I don't understand this mentality where everything gets handed to you without working or anything (and that's not just college but kids today EXPECT everything - mp3 players, cell phones, etc.).  I've already told my oldest, who is two years away from a driver's license, that she'll have to pay for the higher insurance if she wants her driver's license (and if she expects a car, she better have a job). 

Yeah, good luck with that new car, ex, because we will not be buying it for her.  My car is ten years old and my husband's is 13 years old, both over 100,000 miles.  If anybody is getting a new car on our dime, it'll be one of us.  I don't give free rides and never to ungrateful kids.  Maybe that sounds mean to some but I expect my kids to learn the value of working for something and not have things handed to them on a silver platter without any effort on their part. 

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Are you required to pay for college?

Does your spouse's court order require your family to pay for the stepchild's college education?   Do you think it should be required?  If yes, is that a state or county requirement or just something you agreed to?

My personal opinion is that no, it should not be required.  A parent is not legally obligated to provide a college education for children within a marriage so why should they be required to provide a college education in the case of a divorce or child born out of wedlock?  College is a privilege, not a right.  I believe the financial obligation should end when the child reaches 18 (or graduates from high school, assuming they're not a regular, consistent flunky in the school system) unless the parent wants to provide additional financial assistance.  I am glad our state does not recognize a college education as a right to ADULT children of divorce.

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Stepkids Coming Soon

The stepkids are coming in about a week in a half for an extended weekend before they go back to school.  My stepdaughter wanted to go on a tour of our state's university and asked her dad to take her so we have that planned while they are here.  (I would be SUPER surprised if she left her mom's state to go to college near us.)

It'll be nice to have all the kids together again.  They haven't all been together since last summer!  My stepdaughter was here in April but my stepson had plans (a sleepover) with a friend and didn't want to come then (dad's not a priority - ever). 

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Stepdaughter Turns Down Free Year of College

My stepdaughter is turning down a free year of college for her core classes even though she wants to be a vet and knows neither one of her parents have the money to pay her college tuition.  Why am I upset when I expected this?

I think she will come to regret that decision as she's struggling in the coming years but there's nothing I can do about it. 

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Want Stepdaughter to Live Here for College

We have this program here where high school kids can go to college, while in high school, and get college credit for it.  It's free too as long as they pass their classes.  My husband sent the information to his ex the other day to see if she'd be agreeable to my stepdaughter living here for her senior year in high school so she can get her first year of college classes/books free.  She's in honors/advanced classes now and would do well with this program according to the school.  I know we don't have the money to send her to college and my stepdaughter says her mother doesn't either.  This would give her a good start to get her first year of core classes done plus she'll get high school credit and graduate as well - all in one. 

I doubt if her mother will agree.  My husband hasn't said anything to my stepdaughter about it.  He wanted to get her mother's input on it.  A decision needs to be made before Friday though for deadlines and here we are at Wednesday and no word. 

I don't think it will happen, regardless of the free college AND it gets her out of the bad situation she is in with the boyfriend/ex-boyfriend that put her in therapy.  It's not like my stepdaughter is a baby and the ex is still wondering how to fade stretch marks. She graduates in a year anyway. It means she leaves one year early and doesn't move away from both of them for college, she comes to her home with her father for her first year of college.

The chances of this happening? Slim to none. 

What an opportunity I'd LOVE to have.  I wish I could get a year of college classes for free.

Would she even leave the bad influence of the boyfriend/ex-boyfriend to do it?  Who knows. 

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Wondering if Stepdaughter Would Live With Us

I just found out today from a friend that the local University offers classes to high school juniors and seniors for college credit.  Instead of attending high school, they attend the college if their SAT scores are high enough.  If the grades stay high, college is free!  That would be fantastic for my stepdaughter to do since we have no idea how we are going to pay for her college.  It gets her that much closer to her vet degree AND gets her away from the bad boy that has been causing her so much emotional and mental distress. 

Even with all of that, I am not sure the ex would let her do it.  My stepdaughter would have to live with us.  I contacted our high school and the college to get more information so we can look it over anyway.  Doesn't hurt to ask for it.

In the meantime, we have some things to look forward to.  My sister is planning on bringing her RV to our state to camp and spend time with us.  My kids love that.  I'm sure she knows what to do for a travel emergency since they've had the RV for a few years now. I think it'd be fun, especially for the kids. Their RV is like a home.  Then we will make another trip this summer to the state my stepkids live so going to have to start saving for that now too.

Lots to look forward to.  I think it'd be great if my stepdaughter could get college credit during her senior year of high school for free.  Definitely need more information!

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Organizational Development

When I worked outside the house full-time, I worked directly for the CEO of the company as his personal assistant as well as managing the corporate offices of our company. I am not an "everything in its place" kind of person. I am more of an orderly chaos kind of person. It may not LOOK organized, but I know where everything is. Somehow it worked. I enjoyed my job and the responsibilities, received regular promotions, raises and good performance reviews.

If I had wanted to further myself and my role with the company, I would have looked into an Organizational development program like what is offered at Gonzaga University. It would have opened up more avenues for me for future promotions within the company and given me more options should I have decided to work elsewhere. Perhaps even my own consulting business would have been a possibility.

Gonzaga University is a not-for-profit, private university in Washington. If you check out their web site, you will see that they've been ranked as one of the nation's best universities by Forbes Magazine.

Some of their online Master's programs offered are Organizational Leadership, Communication and Leadership, and the online Master of Science in Nursing. I've always wanted to go back to school and preferred an online program because of my kids. It's something I've not given up on doing yet.

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The University of Scranton

I've been looking around online for a good college to finish my degree. I want it totally online, accredited (this is very important to me), with the ability to finish the degree quicker than the norm (again, very important as a mother of four young kids).

I found The University of Scranton which received fantastic ranking in The Princeton Review. If that's not enough, for the 14th consecutive year, U. S. News & World Report ranked them in the top for master's for schools in the north. If you're looking for the best online MBA, check out one of America's best colleges. Financial aid is available (with this economy, who couldn't use a little financial help).

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