Been awhile...

It's been awhile since I've posted regularly. I've reduced the amount of blogging that I've done for years and stopped paying for the domain name for this site so I'm just a regular blogspot blog now.

We are gearing up for the end of the school year. Our oldest is graduating from high school and looking forward to 7-8 years of college, starting in a few months. Our second oldest has his first girlfriend, first job, and driver's permit (all before age 16...scary). Our third oldest is almost done with the joys of middle school and will start high school. Our youngest, still in elementary, went through a bad time with a virus - lost a lot of weight because couldn't keep much of anything down for a week but she is better now. We are trying to get her agreement to homeschool (yes, we can say 'you ARE going to homeschool' but we want her full cooperation and we have time before the next school year starts to get it).  This commom core/PARCC testing crap is such a waste of instruction time (that's been a fight with the school the last few months).  I am NOT a fan of common core.

Stepkids - yeah, still haven't seen them since the last time I posted. I have heard they will be here for their sister's high school graduation next month. Shocker! The ex is actually going to "allow" them to drive down here by themselves (yeah, if you remember, SD is above drinking age and SS graduated a couple years ago) but the ex still rules their roost. Whatever. That's up to them to deal with...not my problem.

I love saying that. NOT MY PROBLEM. LOL

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White Trash from the Other Side

I don't care how old my kids get. If they behave disrespectfully or nasty, I'm going to call them on it whether they are nine or 19 (or four or 40!).

You would not believe (or maybe you would) the nasty language used on my stepdaughter's Facebook page by my 19yo stepson and one of his friends. It was disgusting and it wasn't filtered so anybody on her FB could see his language - grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, his mother, etc. When I commented on the post that younger siblings could see the post on her FB, the response was "you guys are weird". I couldn't tell if she was directing that at somebody else in the thread or me. If it was directed at me?  I'm weird for not wanting kids to be subject to the most disgusting language (it just wasn't a cuss word...it was nasty smut about what each boy could do with very explicit, white trash language). We ended up taking off our youngest child from her sister's FB so she wouldn't see it. The ex's dad ended up calling my SS out on it on FB - told him to show more respect for his grandmother. The ex? Nah, why should she parent? Why start now? She not only responded passively to it on FB, she allowed it to stay up. You'd think embarrassment alone for how the rest of the family views that behavior and her reaction would be enough for her to do something. Nope. Guess she's done pretending to be something she isn't?

Maybe my expectations are too high. If you raise your kids without rules or consequences, and they act like white trash, I guess they're just behaving in the same way they've always been allowed to when they've been with her.

Nope. I expect MY kids to be respectful. If I raise them to act like white trash, then shame on me.

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Big Medical Bills for the Ex

Yeah, our health fund is gone due to the ex/stepkids. Our four minor kids don't need full health insurance coverage for the rest of year I guess. That's going to cost us the rest of the year now.

Funny thing is about this whole situation, and I have to admit I laughed my behind off quite a bit over this...

The ex went so far over the health fund MOST of the deductible we have to meet before insurance will partially pick up coverage again was applied to all the visits she took the ADULT stepkids too. She cost us a few hundred dollars of that deductible out of our pocket but the rest - it's all hers since she hasn't cut the umbilical cord to the adult kids yet. Yes, she is still paying their bills and doing everything for them like they're still 12. How about actually having SS get a job and help pay his medical bills? Nah, that would be too logical and adult-like.

She contacted hubby yesterday asking him about the insurance. It seems she had some of these big bills come in.  Oops. It's the same insurance we've always had. It just worked out (FINALLY) that that deductible is mostly going to be paid by her now (usually, the way the claims went in, WE got stuck with it and are still paying on those bills from last year). Not this year!! *high five*

I ripped into my husband yesterday about their conversation over the insurance. I'm just tired. There should be no conversation with her about this. This issue isn't between HER and HIM, it's between his ADULT kids and him. I'd just had it and blew. The excuse...they don't know about insurance doesn't fly with me. Just because their mother babies them doesn't mean WE have to as well. Explain it to them. They aren't stupid adults, just too dependent on their mommy. If mommy needs to know, let THEM tell her. SHE isn't in "our" equation anymore.

I can't wait until the enrollment period comes around again so we can take a few adults off our policy.

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Another Kid in Therapy?

We just saw an insurance claim for my adult stepson come through for an appointment he had a couple months ago. We were never told about this. He saw my stepdaughter's psychiatrist (who gives her Prozac for anxiety attacks she never had here, only at mom's). Wonder if the ex is drugging up their son too instead of getting herself therapy. 

Lord. BOTH stepkids in therapy? OUR mutual kids haven't been sent into therapy due to our parenting. Yet she is mother of the year.

Give me a break. 

If she had gotten herself therapy years ago (like the kids' childhood therapists at that time had suggested - each therapist they saw and she fired after they blamed her for the kids' issues), her kids probably wouldn't be messed up adults. 

Gawd, the things angry ex's do to their kids...continued into adulthood. Crazy!! 

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Medical Insurance for Adult Stepkids. Yea or No?

Health insurance for adult kids - a conundrum.

My stepkids are both adults. They live with their mom and are on mom's insurance. Dad has always carried him on his insurance too. It's been a big hit for us to do so because we have a health fund (once it's used up, it becomes 100% out of pocket up to a certain amount and then 20% out of pocket thereafter and the ex takes the kids to the doctor's for anything and everything), however, they were minors and we took care of them, of course. They're not minors anymore. Well, the ex used up the entire 2014 health fund for the adult kids this past month on doctor visits (I say the ex used it up because even though they are adults, they're still attached to the umbilical cord).

• We have no choice on who these "kids" see for doctors using our insurance. 
• We have no choice on what these "kids" go to the doctors for using our insurance.
• We have no input onto the treatment for these "kids" using our insurance.
• 99% of the time, they could care less about dad or siblings unless it's time to give him their Christmas list. Seriously, not a phone call or text on Father's Day - again. I expect nothing and I'm not disappointed. Dad, on the other hand, gets disappointed regularly.

Yet our health fund is now at $0 and we're only halfway through the calendar year. We have four minor children with no money left in the health fund until January, 2015. So, now it will be 100% of medical care out of pocket for a chunk of change, then 20% after we hemorrhage all that money for awhile.

So, would you continue to cover adult kids who don't live with you, when they have other medical insurance, under these circumstances?

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Never Goes Away

So....

...hoping things will be all hunky dory after the kids turn 18...kinda a bust the last several years.

It's "better" but still some "growing" pains in there.

The ex contacted my husband recently about some medical issues their adult son was having. Why wouldn't the son do that instead of mom you might ask? Hell if I know since my husband's son chats with dad almost every day so it doesn't require mom to be contacting dad for a non-emergency.

Dad told his ex-girlfriend to have their son contact him for future medical stuff.  Duh. Kid is an adult. Ex-girlfriend no longer in the picture unless emergency, wedding, baptism, graduation. Rest of our time...no ex!

Anything else?

Yeah, a little. We have a health fund. We have a certain amount in that health fund every year that pays for 100% of our medical bills but it's a small fund. After the fund is used up, all medical bills come out of our pocket. Hubby's kids are all adults, one drinking age. Our four kids together are all minors. Again, SMALL fund. The ex still takes the adult kids to doctors, after hour clinics, emergency rooms for things we wouldn't rush to the doctor for. Any little thing HAS to be looked at NOW.   The ex has decided to support their adult stepchildren well beyond drinking age so they don't have their own jobs with their own insurance. Our health fund is getting all used up...for adult kids on things we wouldn't approve. When his adult kids take chunks out of our health fund based on doctor and hospital visits the ex determines to take them to, leaving all out-of-pocket costs for our minor four children hitting us in the bank account when our health fund is there for them...yeah, a little annoying.

So why not take his kids off our insurance?  Good question. Obama says they can stay on until they are 26. Yeah, well, OBAMA isn't paying our damn medical bills. It might be time to take them both off anyway. They would still be insured through their mom...or they can get Obamacare!

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After the kids grow up...

So, it's been about eight months since the "legal" relationship with the ex ended. How's it been? 

Not too bad. 

We don't get bills from her in the mail anymore (yippee)! 

We don't get crap from the court anymore (yippee)! 

I don't have to track the support payments the court always messed up and argue with them over their inept bookkeeping (yippee)!

My husband has daily contact with his son. I have no idea how regular his contact is with his daughter. I don't ask. The kids and I periodically pass on Facebook but otherwise, they know where I am if they want a relationship. I generally only hear from my SD when she wants something so I don't go out of my way. They're adults and it's up to them. 

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It IS Better!

18 years of marriage, two "his" and four "ours" kids, relocating to another state...we've had a busy marriage. We were too cash strapped for a regular wedding (we did the justice of the peace thing) and couldn't afford a honeymoon (fighting his ex for visitation with his son she totally withheld from him completely). I was wedding bands to replace my husband's band and thought about how long it's been, how far we've come, and how so very, very glad I am that his kids are now adults.

Is all the conflict over with the ex or his kids? I doubt it. I'm sure there will be times when chaos reigns briefly. Is it better?  Heck yeah!

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60 Days Til the End

The notice of the support and court case closure came in the mail today, saying the case would close in 60 days. If either party doesn't want it closed, they have 60 days to notify the court. Why wouldn't it be closed for adults?  Wow.

I guess we wait until the end of September now.  Geesh...this was supposed to be OVER.

What a hassle.  I would not remarry a man who had children - grown or otherwise - a second time. I love him and hope to stay married for life but I wouldn't do this again with another man, another ex. Won't need to worry about me looking for raleigh wedding photographers.  I would stay single or find myself a man who didn't have any ex's hanging around in the background.

OK.  I guess we have a party/bonfire date for the end of September now.  Waiting, waiting, waiting. Seems like we've been waiting forever.

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One Month

A month from now, child support will be done when my ss turns 18 - two more payments and it's over. At least that part will be over anyway.

Dealing with the BS will never be over. Hopefully the talk with hubby the other night will change something and we'll get back to how we used to be when dealing with them (united) IF we move back to their state (job interviews upcoming). Time will tell.  If we move, it will be MY house, MY rules and they will be expected to follow the rules and be respectful no matter how old they get.  We are raising our own four kids and our own kids will continue to have structure and responsibilities and expectations and if my stepkids are in my home, it will be the same for them. It may end up the stepkids follow those rules or it may end up they get ticked off at me (and then their dad).

At least we don't have to worry about the ex sending us bills for SS birth control like she did for my SD after she graduated.  LOL

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More of the SS Grad Weekend

We stayed with my mom during SS graduation weekend. She is 69 years old and was in pain (ended up being cellulitis).  Part of what ticked me off over that weekend had to do with what happened in her home every night, what I didn't finish when I posted about that weekend.

My stepkids came by each night we were there and stayed until well after midnight (the last night, it was after 2:00 a.m. when they left).  My mom is not feeling well and is in pain, she is sleeping on the couch because she refuses to allow us not to have a bed (and claims that's where she usually sleeps because she feels safer being able to see the back and front door in her big city).

She is falling asleep on the couch and they all have their butts planted in front of the TV watching ghost or zombie movies.  The first night, I give DH a look to let him know it's time (past time honestly) and he gets the TV turned off, they go home, and my mom is able to go to sleep. It's about midnight by that point. I figured DH would know the last night how things should be based on the first night, right? Apparently, not ticking off his kids is more important than not ticking off his wife or being rude in somebody else's home.

MY adult SD brought over half a dozen inappropriate movies to watch the last night.  DH informs me we may have to give her money for them since renting them is expensive. Um, no. We didn't ask for them, they aren't appropriate to watch with our younger kids, and they should have decency enough to know they can't be up all night at my mother's home watching crap. Then they start watching them.  My mom goes into her area in her living room to read and go to sleep and I go into where we are staying but can't fall asleep. I can hear the swearing every other word coming from the movies in the room I'm in.  Oh, so wonderful. I say something about the language but who am I? I'm nobody this weekend apparently. If I had somewhere to go, I would have left. I was so angry. My mother manages to go to sleep and I am awake and pissed off until about 3:00 a.m.  I am up by 6 a.m. because I just want to get everybody packed up and head home.

We left the next morning.  Like I said before, it was a long 4-1/2 hour ride home.  My DH doesn't seem to understand why I put him in the doghouse. Really? It was so BEYOND rude!! It wasn't our home. My mother is 69 years old and sick.  Your kids are thoughtless and inconsiderate and you let them be that way in my sick mother's home because you won't parent them anymore.  That doesn't make your behavior any better than theirs. Give me a fricken break.

If he wanted to spend all night with his kids, take them into the park across the street and talk.  Take them onto the beach at my mom's house and talk. Don't plant your butt in front of the TV each night for hours. Gawd. That can be done at home, not on vacation.

What the hell happened to us? We used to be united and what I thought or felt was taken into consideration. Not anymore.

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Don't Want To Do This Anymore

I realized something after seeing my stepkids and the ex last weekend.  I've been SO looking forward to when the legal ties to the ex would end, when child support would end, that I didn't fully consider the fact that they will still do things that are difficult to deal with, that there will be college graduations, weddings, babies (hopefully in that order), that "managing" that entire difficult situation will never go away.  I knew it on one level, obviously, but the reality of that was a smack in the face after last weekend. Yes, we'll get a bonus to our budget after three more child support payments are made but it won't make it better.

It's been so long since we dealt with my stepkids and ex on a regular basis that DH and I aren't in sync anymore like we used to. Any contact results in conflict between us the last few years. This past weekend wasn't any different.  I'm still ticked at him and it's been almost a week.  

I realized after that weekend that if this is how we are going to be while with them (and hubby is interviewing for a job back in our home state - so we'd see them more often), I don't want to do this anymore.  I thought when they both reached 18, it'd get better.  It won't. Unless DH and I can get back to being on the same side instead of me on one side, his kids/ex on the other, and him in the middle with his tail between his legs, it's not going to work. We are either united or we aren't together. 

He asked me, after last weekend, why I keep putting him in the dog house. I don't put him there.  He goes in all on his own.

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SS Graduation Over

The graduation is over. Now we wait until the 18th birthday and then the legal relationship with the ex ends. The child support bill stops.  Halle-fricken-lujah!

As usual when we have to deal with the stepkids and their mother, the hubby and I ended our "vacation" with me ready to smack him upside the head.  Made for a long 4-1/2 hours ride home.

Started out my stepdaughter showed up at my mom's house (where hubby, our kids, and I stayed) with little gifts for their siblings and dad. Nada for stepmom. OK, petty, whatever.  If you can hand out gifts to everybody else and ignore one person in the room, good for you. Glad your momma raised you so well. I will assume hubby was oblivious to the slight or else ignoring it and hoping I didn't notice.  I don't WANT gifts...it's the slight that irritated.

I didn't get any "family" picture with me and just my kids on the beach like I wanted. They always included my stepkids.  I have no issue with having family pictures with them.  I think we should have family pictures with them. I'd just like one of just my kids too.  My stepkids aren't MY kids. This was our only vacation this year. How the hell do you tell the stepkids to step out of the picture? I couldn't do that to my husband though I should have and let hubby deal with it. I end up dealing with the crap all the time...should have passed some of it onto him. I'll have to get one in our backyard or something.

There was the graduation picture with just my stepkids, my husband and the ex together. The fake family picture the ex wants at the graduations.  I'm sure she'll want one at baptisms and weddings too.  It makes for a discussion with our younger kids because they don't understand. They never see their half-siblings and the last time they saw the ex was two years ago and before that - several years. They don't know her. My younger ones wouldn't even recognize her. It confuses them to see their dad with another woman.  That's their dad and family and she is standing there with him posing for pictures instead of them and/or me. Doesn't give me warm fuzzies either though I understand my stepkids probably want pictures of their parents - and the other side of me (the one with the little devil on my shoulder) dislikes these pictures. They've NEVER been together as a four member family unit. We dealt with this two years ago with my stepdaughter's graduation here and here. It's uncomfortable and awkward.

Hubby thanks me afterwards for putting up with all the stress of the graduation weekend but ya know what? It doesn't have to be so damn stressful and it wouldn't be if he'd change HIS behavior a bit. I'm still ticked at him and we've been home for two days.

There was more...but I'm getting irritated.

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SS Graduating: Dad Not Getting Ticket to Go

My SS is graduating.  Dad already took off the week from work so we could travel to their state for it, found a dog sitter, made arrangements on where to stay, etc.

Well, it has happened again this year.  The school gives him eight tickets for family to attend his graduation.  Out of those eight tickets, how many do you think dad is getting?  NONE!

He was told yesterday that he would have to find his own tickets to attend. I doubt my SS knows about this since he and his dad talk almost everyday and I can't imagine he would do that to his dad at this point. I think it's the ex and my SD (they pulled stunts two years ago when SD graduated as well) doing this.

Geez, I hope she at least wished him a Happy Easter before she basically told him where to go.

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Freaky Friday

Look up in the sky!  Do you see pigs flying?

Now look down below.  Did hell freeze over?

Huh, not sure but I think last Friday was Freaky Friday or something. My adult sd called her littlest sister to wish her a happy birthday last week (no word from ss but that's the norm).  That hasn't happened in like...all my little darling's seven little years. Hubby sounded a bit surprised when he answered the phone (if that tells you how often she calls here...N-EVER!).

Now, her other two sisters' birthdays were within the last few months and she didn't call either one of them.  She doesn't call her dad on his birthday or Father's Day either. Must have just been one of those freaky things.

Cue the music for...

Yeah for my littlest one but not so yeah for my other two daughters who didn't get that phone call from their sister.  I doubt my son will get his phone call next month but I'll betcha damn straight that we will get a birthday list for my ss's birthday this summer!

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Stab, Stab, Stab Goes SD

My adult stepdaughter...where to start...  I am left to wonder if she has purposeful amnesia or she has just blocked out most her childhood. I am also left to wonder how much of her most recent drivel was a stab at her father (who doesn't even get a "hi" from them on Father's Day). Then again, maybe she is just thoughtless and rude.  Hell, could be any of them!

Apparently, the ex raised two kids "all on her own" (stab) - oh really?  Dad didn't spend almost half his time with them when we lived two blocks away, raising them, providing for them?  Dad didn't spend 10+ hours every other weekend, his only weekends off, for six years, in the car so he could spend the weekend with them? Dad played no part whatsoever in raising them - feeding, dressing, attending school events/conferences, loving them, reading to them, playing with them, bedtime routines, maintaining contact with their schools/teachers, etc?  Dad didn't drive to their state to take his son to therapy because of his mother's behavior? Dad didn't pay his child support on time, every week, whether he was working or laid off for the past 17 years and provide for them at his own place with holidays, birthdays, clothes and complete bedrooms on top of it?  Dad didn't spend the last 17 years putting up with their vindictive mother who did everything she could to turn the kids against him and interfere in his time with his kids while never saying one bad word against her in front of them?  Dad didn't spend his parenting time trying to overcome the lies and interference they received while they were not with him?  Dad didn't spend his parenting time holding his crying firstborn because she didn't want to leave him or me?  The answers to all of those questions - he most certainly did and shame on them for disregarding everything he has done for them and his love for them.  They've lost so much and have no idea.

My sd also said they've been able to do whatever they want growing up and it is all thanks to her mother (stab)...yeah, dad had nothing to do with providing the money so they could do whatever they wanted and become spoiled with no sense of responsibility or apparently, conscience, because the ex's part in raising them included no boundaries or rules - just do and buy whatever they want no matter the behavior, the grades, etc.  Bad us for having rules. I thought behaving civilly so people didn't look at us funny in public and walk away shaking their heads was a good idea, instilling manners (no, shoving your entire hand into your mouth to shovel food into your face is not appropriate and neither is sticking your feet on the table at dinner), or not allowing the violent attacks towards siblings (no, it is not ok to sit on your smaller sister and punch the crap out of her and not stop until you are pulled off or kick your baby sibling in the head or try to jump on her face with both feet, or push a baby into the door so she has to go to the ER to check for skull fracture) were good and fair rules?  Silly me.

SD also mentioned how her mother is putting her through college and she'll find a way to put ss through it (stab)- hmmm, at 65K a year tuition, the ex is putting her through college? Pfft...doubt it (makes me wonder, yet again, on the paternity of one of my husband's kids and just who really is paying a lot of this stuff).  However, if she is willing to take on your student loans and make those payments the rest of her life so you still don't have to get a real job and work to pay even a penny for your college, car, clothes, gas, entertainment, birth control, etc. etc. etc., (and you are ok with holding your hand out to your mom all the time for money as an adult, really?), then congratulations on being self-centered and spoiled.

We have the documentation proving just how much their dad fought to maintain a relationship with them. They're not ready to remember. With mommy paying for whatever they want (funny how they overlook that dad has paid child support all along and is still paying), why would they want to ruin that? Maybe if they actually said something that was true, they'd draw more blood...but wait, they don't have anything. Dad did nothing but love them, care for them, and provide for them their entire lives.  Shame on them for pushing that love away and forgetting about it. Shame on them for doing the same thing to their younger siblings.

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I Deserve Flowers

Seattle, Washington Stepmoms:

When dad messes up, give him this link for incredibley priced Seattle Flowers to make up for his faux pas.  I'd go for something like these in the picture above.  It'd be $40 well-spent!

My husband gave up asking me for pictures of the dog that tried to bite me for his daughter.  At least, I haven't heard a word about it in several days.  Maybe he figured with one child with the flu and another with pneumonia, finding pictures for his adult child was not going to happen.  Maybe he figured if he kept pushing, he'd be investing in some flowers for me to apologize.  Maybe he figured out that I just don't care to help my SD tattoo a picture of a dog on herself that tried to bite me (the dog, not the SD...SS would've been the stepchild I'd worry about getting a bite from).

Actually, with the lack of sleep over taking care of sick children this week, I think he should buy me flowers anyway! He actually thought sweeping the living room and carrying a laundry basket to the laundry room was "cleaning the house" yesterday...perhaps he should take care of a vomiting child and another hacking child for several days before he brags about his awesome house cleaning skills while actually DOING the laundry, and dishes, and cleaning bathroom sinks, toilets and tubs?

Yeah, I think I should expect some flowers from hubby soon!

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What a Weekend!!!

What a weekend!

My freshman was asked to the junior/senior prom.  Car date?  That sure puts butterflies in my stomach!

My six-year-old has been spiking fevers all weekend!  She shot up to 104.8! I can handle the headaches, stomachaches, and vomiting she's been having but when a fever shoots that high - scary! I was able to get her fever down from that high spike so it wasn't an ER trip for her.  Poor thing. She is still pretty sick today but the fevers are within manageable range at least.  I heard that there is a virus going around the school.  There always is.  *sigh*  Now I wait to see if my other three children get the virus.

The dog pictures SD wants for her tattoo?  She's still asking her dad. DH asked me again over the weekend.  Seriously? With all the stuff going on at home that I am handling by myself because of dh's work schedule, what my disrespectful SD wants to tattoo on her body is the LAST thing on my list to do!

Definition of DISENGAGE:

dis·en·gage/ˌdisenˈgāj/

Verb:

Detach, free, loosen, or separate (something). Detach oneself; get loose.

v. dis·en·gaged, dis·en·gag·ing, dis·en·gag·es. v.tr. 1. To release from something that holds fast, connects, or entangles

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SD Says Jump, Stepmom Doesn't Ask "How High?" - Bad Stepmom!

My adult SD texted me earlier this week, asking for pictures of a dog we used to have 7-8 years ago.  I hear from my SD a couple times a year and it is only when she wants something or to insult me pretty damn publicly in front of family. Excuse me if I don't ask "how high" when expected to jump by SD (who seems to prefer I not exist the last few years) or a dog (that tried to rip into me with her big teeth). SD wants to tattoo a picture of this dog on herself. Just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!

I didn't jump right on that little request so she texted her dad a few days ago who then asked me to look for pictures of this dog and email them to his computer.  I didn't appreciate that either - why ask in a way that would make me think HE wanted them, like SD wasn't involved. I told hubby that SD had already asked me so HE knew I knew.  Hubby should know better.

He asked me again yesterday for them (SD must be getting impatient and since I don't give her a reaction...).  Nope, I told him I haven't had time to go through thousands of pictures (literally - I take hundreds of pics monthly and we owned this dog around 2004) between gymnastics, cheer, work, housecleaning, sleepovers, his 7-day work week leaving me basically single mom to our own four kids - two who are sick - and chauffeuring kids to sports and end of season winter sport parties/activities and their friends around the last few days...while sick myself.

I don't care to waste what little down time I can find for myself looking for pictures to send to somebody who couldn't care less about me so she can permanently ink a dog who tried to bite me on herself.

There are consequences to disrespectful behavior. I disengage from it.  That means when they want something from me - pfft. Disengaged!

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Took SD Off Facebook (No "BOOM" Yet)

It's been about a week since I blocked my SD from my Facebook.  If the lack of explosion is any indication, she either hasn't noticed or didn't care.  I tend to think she hasn't noticed (out of sight, out of mind) and unless it affects her directly (as in she goes looking for a picture or something), she won't notice I'm gone.  To go from having that little girl's love as a child to this as an adult - wouldn't have "thunk it" possible if I'd been asked ten years ago.  Never.  I am not a betting person but I would've bet money on that.

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