Is SS Hubby's?

What if you suspected your grown stepson was fathered by another man?

I've said all along that I didn't think my SS was my husband's for many reasons (the ex didn't tell him she was pregnant until she was more than three months along though they lived together, she "offered" to allow him not to claim paternity (as he did with their daughter) but didn't tell him why (he assumed she just wanted to keep father/son apart since they broke up), the ex's long time boss does things for them like send them to Disney a few times, buys them computers and large, flat screen televisions, pays her personal cell phone, etc.), and mom was very active through this kid's entire childhood in alienating father and son. He also doesn't look anything like his dad but that could've been just the way the genes fell.

I've recently come across a picture of this very generous and involved boss. OH.MY.GOD. 

Can we say spitting image? Facial features, bone structure, skin and hair color...

If true, coming forward that she had cheated would have destroyed her fake BS image with the in-laws, would have made her years' long battle to destroy dad hypocritical, and her strict Catholic upbringing - her dad would birth a cow. He had already disowned her when she became pregnant the first time w/o marriage. A second pregnancy by cheating? That would've been HUGE.

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Little Girls Doing Metallica Cover

I found this video of these young girls (group called The Warning) pulling off a Metallica cover song. It was really cool to watch. I told my husband he needs to teach our three girls to do this. They have the musical talent and the voice. He can pull out the electric guitars, amps, set up our full drum kit, get an egnater tweeater and anything else they need and go to town. Instant internet sensation. The girls in the video are ages 9 to 14. Here it is:

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Daughter's Early Acceptance to College

My 17-year-old daughter (our oldest) did the "early application" to her first choice college and was accepted. She is THRILLED. She is ready to start her life she says. She and her boyfriend are both going to college for the same thing and both were accepted at the same college. She is ready to plan marriage (after college we hope) and all that goes along with it.  I wouldn't be surprised if she came home one day and said, "Mom, I found a wedding dj."

SCREECH!! (those are brakes)

We are trying not to be total downers but trying to be realistic as well. Yes, some high school relationships work and last. The majority? Not likely.  High school expectations are different than adult expectations. College opens you to a whole new world of experiences and people (and stress). Things can change. If he is "the one" for her then great...he'll still be the one when college is done, right?

Her boyfriend is actually great. If I were to choose a spouse for her (pfft, like parents get to do that), he would be a good choice, He treats her great. There just aren't a lot of boys like this anymore. HOWEVER, the degrees they're both going for is 7-8 years of college away. Let's wait 7-8 years for marriage, OK? Otherwise, I see him finishing with his degree and her giving up hers for married life. I actually don't think being a stay at home mom is a bad thing but she wants this med degree. She WANTS it. She needs to put the brakes on a bit the desire to "play house" and finish college if she wants that degree so badly. It could make the difference between a life of struggle or two parents with med degrees...hmmm...which one is better...let me think.

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Guitar Enthusiasts

Check out sales going on right now on instruments and accessories. It's not just back to school clothing sales right now. Many places have guitar center fender guitar parts. We need to find our oldest a new flute for the last half of her senior year (her flute decided not to make it her final year of high school) so I've been looking around. I think we'll end up renting one since she will only need it from November through May and then she'll be done unless we find such a great sale we can't pass it up. We can pass it to our middle daughter who also plays the flute.

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Date Your Spouse

How often should married couples "date" each other? Once a week? Once a month? Do they?

I've been thinking about it lately because it seems like everything we do and everywhere we go is kid related. It's not bad, obviously, that we are both so involved in our kids' sports and stuff (my parents didn't even show up on parents night to walk me out on the field so we GO to our kids' activities) but I've been wondering if we're letting the one on one thing go too much?

Our oldest is now a senior in high school. Our youngest has nine more years until she graduates. In nine years, all four of our kids will (hopefully) be in college, successful on their own, etc. I wonder sometimes if we are going to look at each other, when our kids are gone, and go, "Who are you?"

Some people hash out time for a movie date or dinner out (do you hold all conversation about the kids for another time?), maybe clubbing (too old for that scene), dance lessons (dance doctor anyone?). I've not had gun range time in awhile. Maybe we can make dinner and gun range time a date? Ha Ha.

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Me? Own a Riding Stable?

So, what kind of insurance do you need if you own a riding and boarding stable? One of the houses we are looking at, and considering, has a successfully run boarding stable that comes along with it (it's actually where our horses have been boarded for the past eight years). I'd imagine it'd have to be a bit more than just regular homeowner's insurance. Do you insure big tractors? I have NO CLUE obviously.

I guess looking up the small business insurance requirements will be on my list to do. Might want to look up this website - auto insurance and check our auto rates while we are at it and see if there's any special requirements for pulling a horse trailer, etc. with our auto insurance. I'm used to boarding, not running, so this will be all new to us if we go ahead with it.

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Big Medical Bills for the Ex

Yeah, our health fund is gone due to the ex/stepkids. Our four minor kids don't need full health insurance coverage for the rest of year I guess. That's going to cost us the rest of the year now.

Funny thing is about this whole situation, and I have to admit I laughed my behind off quite a bit over this...

The ex went so far over the health fund MOST of the deductible we have to meet before insurance will partially pick up coverage again was applied to all the visits she took the ADULT stepkids too. She cost us a few hundred dollars of that deductible out of our pocket but the rest - it's all hers since she hasn't cut the umbilical cord to the adult kids yet. Yes, she is still paying their bills and doing everything for them like they're still 12. How about actually having SS get a job and help pay his medical bills? Nah, that would be too logical and adult-like.

She contacted hubby yesterday asking him about the insurance. It seems she had some of these big bills come in.  Oops. It's the same insurance we've always had. It just worked out (FINALLY) that that deductible is mostly going to be paid by her now (usually, the way the claims went in, WE got stuck with it and are still paying on those bills from last year). Not this year!! *high five*

I ripped into my husband yesterday about their conversation over the insurance. I'm just tired. There should be no conversation with her about this. This issue isn't between HER and HIM, it's between his ADULT kids and him. I'd just had it and blew. The excuse...they don't know about insurance doesn't fly with me. Just because their mother babies them doesn't mean WE have to as well. Explain it to them. They aren't stupid adults, just too dependent on their mommy. If mommy needs to know, let THEM tell her. SHE isn't in "our" equation anymore.

I can't wait until the enrollment period comes around again so we can take a few adults off our policy.

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Irritable...again

After all these years, I still get SO SICK of this situation at times. Like now.

Who thought the ex would disappear after the kids turned 18 (except for graduations, etc.)? Oh, silly me, I did.

What was I thinking?

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Summer Remodeling Moving Along...

We've been doing a lot of remodeling at our house (getting it ready to put it up for sale). We finally finished the new bedroom so our two youngest girls aren't sharing a bedroom. Unless the stepkids come over (which is hardly ever...once every year or so), our kids have their own room now. I can hear my nine-year-old pulling out her electric guitar we got her from http://www.musiciansfriend.com and plucking at it every night in her own bedroom. She never did that before. I told her if she keeps at her guitar, I'll give her one of my guitar amps to use to actually plug the thing in and get loud with it.

As much as our two girls wanted their own bedrooms, they sure do spend a lot of time together in one of the bedrooms together though. It's funny. I think they miss each other (just a little bit).

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Another Kid in Therapy?

We just saw an insurance claim for my adult stepson come through for an appointment he had a couple months ago. We were never told about this. He saw my stepdaughter's psychiatrist (who gives her Prozac for anxiety attacks she never had here, only at mom's). Wonder if the ex is drugging up their son too instead of getting herself therapy. 

Lord. BOTH stepkids in therapy? OUR mutual kids haven't been sent into therapy due to our parenting. Yet she is mother of the year.

Give me a break. 

If she had gotten herself therapy years ago (like the kids' childhood therapists at that time had suggested - each therapist they saw and she fired after they blamed her for the kids' issues), her kids probably wouldn't be messed up adults. 

Gawd, the things angry ex's do to their kids...continued into adulthood. Crazy!! 

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Medical Insurance for Adult Stepkids. Yea or No?

Health insurance for adult kids - a conundrum.

My stepkids are both adults. They live with their mom and are on mom's insurance. Dad has always carried him on his insurance too. It's been a big hit for us to do so because we have a health fund (once it's used up, it becomes 100% out of pocket up to a certain amount and then 20% out of pocket thereafter and the ex takes the kids to the doctor's for anything and everything), however, they were minors and we took care of them, of course. They're not minors anymore. Well, the ex used up the entire 2014 health fund for the adult kids this past month on doctor visits (I say the ex used it up because even though they are adults, they're still attached to the umbilical cord).

• We have no choice on who these "kids" see for doctors using our insurance. 
• We have no choice on what these "kids" go to the doctors for using our insurance.
• We have no input onto the treatment for these "kids" using our insurance.
• 99% of the time, they could care less about dad or siblings unless it's time to give him their Christmas list. Seriously, not a phone call or text on Father's Day - again. I expect nothing and I'm not disappointed. Dad, on the other hand, gets disappointed regularly.

Yet our health fund is now at $0 and we're only halfway through the calendar year. We have four minor children with no money left in the health fund until January, 2015. So, now it will be 100% of medical care out of pocket for a chunk of change, then 20% after we hemorrhage all that money for awhile.

So, would you continue to cover adult kids who don't live with you, when they have other medical insurance, under these circumstances?

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Beware of Motorcycles on the Road

REMINDER:

It's that time of year again. Please watch for motorcycles. They are everywhere and can easily be in your blind spot or harder to see than a larger vehicle.

After my cousin died on his motorcycle when a car pulled out in front of him, it has made me extra cautious and I always try to remind people in the spring to remember motorcycles are now sharing our roads again.

My hubby wanted a motorcycle. I told him I couldn't, not until our kids were all grown. With my cousin dying and an old boyfriend having an accident when a car backed out in front of him, I don't want to leave our young kids without a parent or two. He doesn't know anything about motorcycles so all maintenance and repairs would have to be done by a shop too...don't need another expense right now.  I know you can get motorcycle parts online but really, he wouldn't know what to do with them anyway.

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Never Goes Away

So....

...hoping things will be all hunky dory after the kids turn 18...kinda a bust the last several years.

It's "better" but still some "growing" pains in there.

The ex contacted my husband recently about some medical issues their adult son was having. Why wouldn't the son do that instead of mom you might ask? Hell if I know since my husband's son chats with dad almost every day so it doesn't require mom to be contacting dad for a non-emergency.

Dad told his ex-girlfriend to have their son contact him for future medical stuff.  Duh. Kid is an adult. Ex-girlfriend no longer in the picture unless emergency, wedding, baptism, graduation. Rest of our time...no ex!

Anything else?

Yeah, a little. We have a health fund. We have a certain amount in that health fund every year that pays for 100% of our medical bills but it's a small fund. After the fund is used up, all medical bills come out of our pocket. Hubby's kids are all adults, one drinking age. Our four kids together are all minors. Again, SMALL fund. The ex still takes the adult kids to doctors, after hour clinics, emergency rooms for things we wouldn't rush to the doctor for. Any little thing HAS to be looked at NOW.   The ex has decided to support their adult stepchildren well beyond drinking age so they don't have their own jobs with their own insurance. Our health fund is getting all used up...for adult kids on things we wouldn't approve. When his adult kids take chunks out of our health fund based on doctor and hospital visits the ex determines to take them to, leaving all out-of-pocket costs for our minor four children hitting us in the bank account when our health fund is there for them...yeah, a little annoying.

So why not take his kids off our insurance?  Good question. Obama says they can stay on until they are 26. Yeah, well, OBAMA isn't paying our damn medical bills. It might be time to take them both off anyway. They would still be insured through their mom...or they can get Obamacare!

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Gluten-Free?

Who does gluten-free? Do you like it? Does eating gluten-free really make you feel better? Have any good recipes to share so food actually tastes good gluten-free?

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After the kids grow up...

So, it's been about eight months since the "legal" relationship with the ex ended. How's it been? 

Not too bad. 

We don't get bills from her in the mail anymore (yippee)! 

We don't get crap from the court anymore (yippee)! 

I don't have to track the support payments the court always messed up and argue with them over their inept bookkeeping (yippee)!

My husband has daily contact with his son. I have no idea how regular his contact is with his daughter. I don't ask. The kids and I periodically pass on Facebook but otherwise, they know where I am if they want a relationship. I generally only hear from my SD when she wants something so I don't go out of my way. They're adults and it's up to them. 

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Kids & Cell Phones

Every month when that cell phone bill is due, I regret adding cell phones for the kids onto our plan. I like being able to get hold of them whenever I need them. I like knowing where my teenager is at any given time. I sometimes wonder how did WE get by as kids without them ourselves? Did my parents worry constantly while I was out on a date, wondering if I was where I said I'd be or if I was ok? However, I HATE that expensive phone bill every month. Maybe we should've had an extra trac phone instead for a kid to take with them when they went out - a pay as you go thing? A "gophone" for when they go (and do they really need a cell phone when they are home to talk to their friends on when there are other methods available)?

I saw goconnect iphone app and got excited thinking it was some type of "gophone" for iphones so my teenager could have her iPhone (mom, everybody has an iPhone...yada, yada, yada) without the huge (contract) monthly expense on our phone bill. My bad. It's a real estate app for realtors.

Got my hopes up for a minute there that there was some way to reduce our monthly phone bill. When our contract is up, things are going to have to change. It's just too expensive having five cell phones on a contract plan every month.

Do your kids have cell phones? Do you regret giving them a cell phone or do you prefer they have one?

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It IS Better!

18 years of marriage, two "his" and four "ours" kids, relocating to another state...we've had a busy marriage. We were too cash strapped for a regular wedding (we did the justice of the peace thing) and couldn't afford a honeymoon (fighting his ex for visitation with his son she totally withheld from him completely). I was wedding bands to replace my husband's band and thought about how long it's been, how far we've come, and how so very, very glad I am that his kids are now adults.

Is all the conflict over with the ex or his kids? I doubt it. I'm sure there will be times when chaos reigns briefly. Is it better?  Heck yeah!

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Reminiscing on the Past

I was talking to another stepmom the other day about some of the issues they've had in the past and that are still ongoing (even though the child is now an adult). They've not seen the daughter in over ten years. Mom alienated her from dad and that was that. I guess during the whole alienation process, the BM also assaulted the stepmother. 

Just makes me ask - AGAIN - what is wrong with people?  Why do mothers do this to their kids?

Wow am I glad those days are over!!

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Telling the Money Maker NO

HHow do you do money management when the stay-at-home person manages the very tight budget and the person working to pay for everything just wants to SPEND? I feel guilty telling him no because he worked for it but really, you can't spend like you have unlimited funds. He says it is "our" money but I still feel guilty when he wants something (he wants a lot of somethings often) and I tell him no. Oy.

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Water Disaster Prep

I feel bad for those in West Virginia that got caught up in the water crisis. I'm equally thankful that my husband turned down a job he was offered in that exact area several years ago or we'd be one of those families affected.

Did it make you think how you should prepare in the event of a water crisis? Conspiracy theory stuff aside, this actually happened. Error, chemical dump. Oops?

Really, they say the electrical grid could be brought down and they actually expect it to. Do you understand what that means? Not just lights out. Water filtration - out, right? Are you prepared? No clean water to drink (human body can go three days without water - - then it's lights out for you), no clean water to bathe in or brush your teeth in.

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Budget, Family Wishes, Family Time

My son wants to learn to play piano. All we have is an electric keyboard (it is a pretty big one but it doesn't have all the keys the way a piano would). I'm not sure he can learn on that very well. He could get the basics but then he'd want a piano, which we can't afford. I would like a piano, which we can't afford. I'd also like a bigger house to put it in so let's just dream big (while keeping in mind WE CAN'T AFFORD IT).

I'm wondering if he wants to play piano because the cute girl at school teaches.

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Digging Out of Debt

So we started digging ourselves out of debt a couple months ago after child support ended this past summer. We have an emergency fund started plus a huge chunk of medical bills that's been hanging over our head almost paid off.

You know what's odd? When we started paying off those medical bills is when that hospital started hassling us over the phone. It wasn't enough that we were sending them a few hundred dollars a month towards that debt (when before it had been nothing or almost nothing depending on the month). They were insisting we contact them to set up a plan and that they weren't cashing any of our checks until we did.  Really?

I kept on sending them the money every month and after a few months, they started cashing them. What idiots. We are down to one bill left with them so it's about time. Fools.

I've read a few of Dave Ramsey's books to get an idea on how best to get out of debt. I feel like a little weight is lifting.

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Organizing

What is the best way to save space with bicycles? I need to get something for my husband to hang his bikes out of the way. Right now, there is one in my family room and one in the garage. In the warmer months, that bike in the family room ends up in my bedroom.  Ooooh, how romantic! LOL

Can I put an an eye bolt in the garage ceiling and hang the bikes up somehow?  I bought him some metal things that go in the walls to set the bikes on where they hang off the floor but he never used them. I think it is because he doesn't want his "baby" (the expensive bike) in the garage. Period. I tried.

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