Thank you, Ex. You are worthless.

Argh!  Talk about irritating!  With my stepdaughter's problems this past year (20 pound weight loss, anxiety, OCD symptoms, inability to focus/concentrate, etc.), the ex had blood tests done for her a few weeks ago.  Yeah, good idea (something hubby had asked her to do six months ago but because it came from our house, I guess she didn't feel like doing it then).  We asked her to get specific blood tests to check for thyroid problems, adrenal problems, or anemia.  She said she would.  She sent us copies of the labs and they are missing a few important ones.  When we asked her about it, her response:  "That's what they gave me."  Well, did they do the friggen blood tests and forget to give the lab copies for every test or not do them at all?  She was there and asked for certain tests so she's the one who would have the answer.  Is it that difficult to understand?  It's like pulling teeth getting any information out of her!  Is there something wrong with being forthcoming to hubby about what tests have been done on his daughter?

Now we have a bill for several hundred dollars and not enough of what was important, what she said she would have drawn, to tell enough.

My stepdaughter has an appointment next week with a psychiatrist to get on medication for her stress behaviors.  Wouldn't it make sense to see if her inability to focus and remember things is thyroid related?  Wouldn't it make sense to see if she has adrenal problems (the labs showed high cortisol levels but they aren't even addressing it).  Low ferritin could cause anxiety.  It's a blood test vs. months (years?) of medications instead of looking fully to see if there is an underlying reason for the symptoms first.  These things could be thyroid and adrenal related.  I should know since I've had thyroid disease for nine years.  You have to get a certain set of blood tests to get the whole picture.

I'm supposed to be finishing up my work writing about stainless steel drums but she gets me so irritated! It's hard to concentrate on steel drums when I am ticked off at her - again. She is truly useless.

Oh yeah, we'll also get the bill for the medication too, like the halfway attempt she made for blood tests bill. Seems to me I'd be looking for the cause before I'd medicate my kid by something you need a psychiatrist to prescribe!

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Summer Parenting Time - 2010

I'm just wondering how your summer parenting time scheduling went with the ex?  Did it go smoothly or did you have conflicts? 

As usual, ours has conflict and isn't even scheduled yet.  Hubby is supposed to get aproximately a month of summer parenting time.  The kids have everything under the sun scheduled all summer long except for five days the ex told him he could have - five days he can't do because of work. 

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How to tell if a person is drowning

Do you know the drowning you see on television isn't usually the way drownings occur?  Every parent should read this article here.  I had no idea.

Another important article to read, about dry drowning, can be read here.

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Stepdaughter Wants to Take Her 13 Year Old Sister Out to Concert

My stepdaughter texted me last night, wanting to know if she could take her 13-year-old sister to a concert the night we come into town with friends of hers.  I think it's great that she thought about this and wants to do it and I think it'd be great for them to spend time together doing sister stuff while we are in town to see them.  However, the concert is over an hour away, with a teenaged driver I've never met, and they'd be driving home after dark.  Unfortunately, this is one request that is going to be a no.  I told my stepdaughter I'd talk to her dad about it but that I wasn't real comfortable about it and told her why.  She seemed to understand.  It's sweet she asked though.

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Yup, Father's Day Forgotten

The Monday after Father's Day, hubby was hoping perhaps instead of a phone call or text from his kids for Father's Day (which they didn't do), that he would be waiting for a card in the mail instead (they've not done that before but there is always the hope of a first time right?).  Well, it's Friday - five days after Father's Day.  I think it's pretty safe to say that they have no intention of remembering Father's Day for their dad who they know loves them.  GRRRRR! 

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Weird Stepdaughter Dream

I had a dream I called my stepdaughter to tell her about a boy who likes her.  When I called, she was out to dinner with her mother and started crying on the phone.  She told me she was moving in with her aunt and that her mother said it was ok.  Of course, the ex hadn't talked to dad about it at all or received his approval and had in fact recently refused to have my stepdaughter come live with us so I did what we usually do - don't let the kids know how ticked off we are at their mother's behavior and then went to tell hubby about it when I got off the phone.

What a weird dream!  It wouldn't be surprising that the ex hadn't talked to her children's father so I guess that was the point of the dream.

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Testing the Facebook Feed

Ignore this post.  I'm just testing the facebook feed:)

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Stepfamily Sanctuary has a facebook page!

Stepfamily Sanctuary is on facebook now!  Click here.

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Stepkids Didn't Acknowledge Father's Day

The stepkids didn't contact their dad for Father's Day.  They both have phones, they both have texting, they both have facebook, they both have computer access, they both are old enough at 17-1/2 and almost 15 to know better, and they both have no friggen excuse. 

Last year we waited several days to see if perhaps they'd dropped a note in the mail instead and it took a few days to get here - nope.  Wonder if we'll wait a few days for the mail wondering again or if we'll just acknowledge that both kids blew their dad off this year.

He doesn't deserve this.  He loves them.  He provides for them always.  He fought for years for a relationship with them against the ex's alienation attempts.  He is a great dad to our own four children.  It's not like he's a deadbeat who deserves a shot in the heart like this.

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Still Working on Summer Parenting Time

With the stepkids' very busy schedule this summer (see previous post), hubby wanted to turn it on them and told the ex to let him know what would work for them.  Out of an entire summer, she came back with five days.  Five days with their dad...he's supposed to have a month.  Apparently, graduation parties with non-family are more important than spending time with dad and siblings.

Just short enough to where she doesn't have to give dad back any of his child support too for a parenting time abatement too.  Funny how well it would all work out for her.

The only thing I would consider working around, if it were me, would be the band schedule and even at that, I'd be talking to the band teacher to see what is required attendance and what isn't.  They can't expect kids not to spend time with their other parent all summer long, especially considering the divorce rate in this country where visitation schedules seem to be the norm anymore.  Only the ex expects that.

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Financial Strains of Second Families

Last night I couldn't fall asleep trying to figure out where we were going to come up with the funds to get the six of us to my stepkids' state next month.  We'd need an extra $700 minimum for dog kennels, gas, etc.  With my husband's work hours cut this past year, it's been very tight and we just saved our house from foreclosure.  I certainly won't risk the house by falling behind.  It'd be cheaper if the court order was followed and they came here like they're supposed to...but I'm not sure how much because my stepson can really eat, lol.

An unexpected check showed up today that wouldn't cover all of it but would certainly help so it was a big relief until I remembered some upcoming bills that haven't arrived yet.  My hospital stay last month, while most was covered by insurance, will still cost us out-of-pocket about $800 once the bill comes in according to the insurance statements we are getting.  That's huge when you have been living check to check this past year, not to even mention school taxes are due and that's more than the hospital bill.

*sigh*  Sure wish the economy would get a big kick in the backside for a boost and go back to the way it was.

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Great Grandmother Gifts

If you're looking for great gifts for grandma, you really should consider personalized gifts. We do this every year for my husband's mother and she loves and appreciates anything that has her grandchildren on it. We've given her pillows, blankets, plates, computer mouse pads, etc. with our children's faces on it.  You can even get a deck of playing cards made with photos on them!

We are now halfway through 2010 which means we're on the downhill for another Christmas.  Can you believe how fast 2010 is going by?  Wow!

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Same Old Summer Parenting Time Problems

Well, summer time is here.  Legally, it's the time when hubby is supposed to get what amounts to about a month of parenting time with his children.  My stepdaughter texted her dad asking when they were coming here but then she asked how far a certain city was from us that a band she likes is in concert so we weren't sure if she was asking because she wanted to see us or see the concert.

Anyway, we got their summer schedules from the ex.  Between band stuff (ensembles, jazz, marching, etc.), the ex's vacation with them, and grad. parties (sd's friends that have graduated...she doesn't graduate for another year), there is not ONE FRIGGEN WEEK free for them to spend here, this last summer before my stepdaughter graduates and goes onto college.  Seriously, who schedules this tight months in advance?  Oh wait, the ex does every year because she knows it's dad's parenting time!  She wants the money but she doesn't want the relationship between parent/children...go figure.

I guess the one day we are driving to their state in July is going to be all they are going to see of their dad again because they're so over-friggen-scheduled - AGAIN (being over-scheduled has been a common theme from the time they were about three years old...seriously).  If you'll remember, that one day when we will be in their state and wanted to see the kids that day was even agreed to with a bit of "tude" because there was another grad party that day as well. 

So, if hubby requests even one quarter of his court ordered time, they'll have to forego several different scheduled activities and that is always an issue.

I'm so tired of this crap.

One year left for my stepdaughter.  Three for my stepson.  I hope the next three years go by fast.

If it were up to me, I'd request my court ordered month and let the ex scramble with her darn tight-a$$ schedules!

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Doctor Follow-Up

I saw my doctor yesterday as a follow-up to my hospital visit and for my thyroid disease management too.  He doesn't think the reason the hospital gave me for my illness is right.  He doesn't have another reason for me but he doesn't think they were right.  He has increased my thyroid dose which is what I wanted.  I wish he'd have done it two months ago but hey...it's done now.  I want my memory back, the exhaustion to go away, and for this extra weight to take a big hike.  I know I could learn more about weight loss pills but I know in my heart that it's my thyroid. I was a size 2/4 before kids. I was a comfortable six after them. I just want to be a six again. I'm not asking for bone skinny...just healthy.

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Relationship Coaching

I've been looking through a web site called Contemplation Marks for Relationship coaching information and came across this post called To Y.O.U. that I wanted to link for you guys here to read.  It reminded me of a few things my husband told me about his past relationship and thought it might strike a chord with others as well. 

Relationships can be hard.  They were really hard before I met my husband.  My husband and I rarely argue which is kind of odd because we are really different in some areas.  We tease, we laugh, and sometimes I get really annoyed with him, but we rarely argue anymore (since I disengaged mostly from dealing with his ex a few years ago, my stress level has gone down SO much).  Then again, we are totally alike in the areas that matter (marriage values, family values) so the fact that we have some differences like different music, different food, and have different tastes in movies doesn't really matter much.  Is that weird that we rarely argue? 

Even before I disengaged, we didn't fight often but when we did fight a few times a year, it was a big kaboom because I held things in until I blew.  Since putting the responsibility of dealing with his ex and issues mostly on dad a few years ago, I don't lie awake at night angry, with the inability to turn my brain off from the thoughts of something the ex said or did, how we are supposed to react to it, or which issue is going to court now. 

When my stepchildren are with us, I take care of them like my own children and will always be there for them no matter where they are at but when it comes to the long-distance dealings involving his ex, he handles and I just type for him.  I'm a happier person that way.

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Do you treat 17 year old stepchild like an adult?

Do you treat a 17-year-old like an adult? 

On facebook, I have a kids list set up so anything I post that I don't want kids to see (status message not appropriate to kids, a music video I don't want them to see, etc.), I exclude all the kids using my "kids list".  I don't have my 17-year-old stepchild on the kids list because her dad said that she's old enough now.  There are times when I wonder if that is ok from the standpoint of appropriate material but there is also the standpoint that her mother can log into her facebook (I would imagine she would know her children's passwords but I don't have verification that she does) and would be seeing this as well.  Not that she'd have much to say because my 14 year old stepson swears like a sailor and it seems to be just fine over there but just the thought of it...

Don't misunderstand - it's not like I am putting anything R-rated or more on my facebook because family is on there too but there are things that I'd just rather not have children see.  My stepdaughter is 17-1/2 now but I still cringe at viewing her entirely as an adult just yet. 

She doesn't want to be on the kids list (no big surprise there).  What 17-year-old wants to be included with the younger age group? 

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Horrible "Before" Picture

My 13-year-old snapped an unexpected picture of me today and it was awful.  I have this "rule" that nobody takes my picture in the house.  I do not like the weight struggle since getting thyroid disease and can't stand the way I look in pictures.  She did it anyway today. 

The effect was as expected - horrified.  I look like a "before" picture for an ad for Lipovox, hoping for a great "after" picture.

My kid broke the "no picture" rule.  Perhaps that's my lesson learned for not buying my kid a camera.

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Three Years Left on Court Order

Well, shoot, I just got my hopes up and I was wrong.  I was thinking it was two years left for the court order but I was figuring wrong.  It's three years left.  Boy did I jump the gun! 

I've gotten through 14+ years of stress and all that goes along with it (illnesses, anxiety, breakouts bad enough for the best acne treatment, court, and many arguments).  I can handle three more years for my youngest stepchild!  For my oldest stepchild, we just went under the one year mark. That's exciting!  I am looking forward to an "adult" relationship with the "kids" that doesn't have the ex standing in the middle of it.

Plus, the tensions between the two homes aren't as bad as they used to be so if things stay that way, the next three years should definitely be easier than the first three years.  Those were some awfully chaotic, angry years.

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Summer Parenting Time

We are going to the kids' state in July and requested them for the day we are there for the day.  It was "approved" by the ex but she did let us know she was agreeable but her family had already had plans for that day.  It felt like of like a "see what I'm giving up to agree to this" type of feeling when I read it. 

Summers always irritate me.  If it were me, I'd request the month I legally have with the children but figure out with the kids what activities they can work around with the schedule instead of the ex dictating that.  Between the ex and the kids' many activities they have scheduled throughout the summer (and they ALWAYS have a list of things scheduled every time hubby had asked for his parenting time to have them with us at our house the last several years), he feels like he's putting the kids on the spot.  So the last couple years, we drive to their state and spend a day or two in their area to see them.  I think that actually stinks.  They aren't a part of our home, our daily life, when it's handled that way.  How are they supposed to feel part of the family if they aren't here to participate as family members the way they used to?  We have to kennel our five dogs and drive our family of six to their state instead of two teenagers coming to their home here with their dad.  Makes perfect sense.  Not.

I know why hubby does it that way after the kids spent years acting out because they were put into a position to feel bad about leaving their mother but they're teenagers now.  Perhaps it is time to try again and see if 1) the ex isn't hanging onto them so tightly, and 2) the kids are better able to handle the emotional manipulations. 

It's just irritating that he CAN ask for about a month of time but when he instead makes the plans to drive to them and spend the day with them there so as not to put out their schedules and all that stuff, it feels like the ex is campaigning for martyrdom by "allowing" him that day. 

The last time my stepchildren were here with us over the summer a few years ago, I figured out that Omega-3 actually calmed my stepson's ADHD down when I gave him one when I was giving my own kids their usual gummy Omega-3.  We'd talked to the ex before about a supplement or vitamins that might help him but she refused to consider adding Omega-3. It's not like it's that unusual for children but she acted like she needed a doctor's prescription and wouldn't consider it.

Oh well.  We're down to one year left for my stepdaughter and two years left for my stepson.  It's not up to me.  I can just count down the days until the court order no longer exists.  The rest is between them.

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Our Little Daschund Mix

This is what the cute little wiener dog looked like before she became a miniature beached whale.  This picture is about 7-8 months old.  She's not that skinny anymore.  She looks like she could do advertisement for natural diet supplements now. It's not healthy for her to be overweight in general but being part daschund, it's not good for her longer back to carry that extra weight on her underside either.

But boy can this dog bark! She is so annoying.  I've been thinking about getting one of those high-pitched things that will beep at her when she barks.  I'm just not sure if they really work and hate to spend money on something that might not work.

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Wiener Dog Barks All The Time

Has anybody had any luck with Cesar Millan's books for dog training?  I need help with a serial barker who drives me up the wall (so I know she must drive our neighbors up the wall as well the way she yipes at them up and down the fenceline when the poor people are trying to sit outside their yards and relax). 

From what I've read, it could be insecurity or boredom so either lots of walks for her or the book mentions treadmills. I can't imagine this little wiener dog mutt running her short little stubby legs on a treadmill.  I'd fall over laughing!

She does need to lose weight though.  She's like a little beached whale when she flops over to go to sleep.  When I say "flop", she really does just flop over. 

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Living in a Redneck Town

Our local school district called on their parent connect lines last night to leave a message that they were dismissing the entire school district from school almost two hours early this Friday due to a varsity softball game!  What?  Huh? 

My 3rd grader, 5th grader, and 7th grader (who had her field day scheduled for that afternoon) are going to be dismissed from school early because a few 11th and 12th grade girls have a softball game they must travel to?  That irritates me to no end!  It's a good thing I am home and don't need to scramble for daycare or else I would be extremely mad instead of just annoyed.  I can rearrange my errands to be home for my children but I have to wonder how many parents this is going to be a problem for.

We live in a small redneck town (a dry town too) where athletics and religion are THE thing to be involved in here.  Besides christianity, athletics are their second religion, before mullets.  If you aren't a member of one of the many, many churches in this small, oppressive town, you're an outsider.  The varsity high school teams in our school district are treated like the second coming and I guess to heck with the rest of the school district. 

If I had to scramble for day care, I'd be on the phone with the school right now giving them a piece of my mind.  I don't need to do that this time but I have to wonder if their phone lines are going this morning with other parents unhappy about this decision.

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My Illness - Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

I said before I'd tell more about my illness later.  Well, it's later.

I was hospitalized due to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (due to bacterial vaginosis...NOT an STD which the doctors would not believe until the cultures came back proving neither myself nor my husband cheated on each other and gave each other a disease!) after an ER visit had me admitted for fear of abcess and the need for surgery.  I was really sick with high fever and extreme pain.  They gave me morphine in the ER for pain, then dilaudid (I think that's how it's spelled) once admitted, then Percocet as the pain went down.  Apparently, the flu I thought I had with fever for four days a few weeks ago was the start of the infection raging through my reproductive organs until they were screaming at me to get to the hospital.

The drugs at the hospital made me so tired.  I didn't need any type of sleep aid to get me to sleep. Unfortunately, the antibiotics (Gentamicin and Clindamycin) they had me on had such bad side effects (dizziness, nausea, ear pain and hallucinations) that I was happy to get off them after 2-1/2 days when I got sent home. I think it was the Gentamicin that did all that to me.  The faces flying at me in my head were bad enough (and the evil grins some of the faces gave me were downright scary) but when the Virgin Mary statue outside my hospital window turned and looked at me several times, I rang for the nurse to get me off the medications! 

I may be infertile now.  I'm not sure until I see my gynecologist for further testing to see what, if any, scarring was done to my girl bits.  Since we have our four kids and my husband's two children, we weren't planning on having anymore children anyway so that's not a real heartbreaker for me.  I don't like the fact that my choices may have been taken away but it's not like we ever planned to have another child anyway.

I'm still on antibiotics and the pain comes and goes.  I'm still healing.  I think it's going to be awhile before I'm back to 100% me.

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Blackhead Help

I know this isn't step-parent related but how the heck do you get rid of a blackhead? I have one on the crease between my nose and cheek and it seems like it's taken up permanent residence there. No matter how often I wash or what I use to wash my face (wash, exfoliate, let dry and rip off my face), it lives there permanently. Because of where it is at, it's not noticeable to others but I know it is there. 

I feel like I'm 14 instead of 38.  It's just gross. 

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