Polls

I am starting a new feature on my step blog. I am going to post polls. Some will be politically correct and likely, some won't. I'm not a politically correct person when seriously aggravated and given the ex we have to deal with, I am only human. The best you can hope for from me is that I won't swear, lol. You are welcome to place your vote. In fact, I hope you do starting now!!

Once they close, I will post the results in a post before removing it and starting a new one. I think it will be fun to see results of how other people in step situations live. How much alike, or how different, we may all be. I think the line will be drawn in a couple important ways - how long we've been a part of a stepfamily & the co-parenting relationship with the ex. I'm interested in the results.

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Compromising for the Ex

Comparing your home with the ex's, how often have you compromised (in terms of parenting time or anything else concerning the kids) when the ex has asked versus the ex compromising for you?

My husband and I were discussing this last night - how much he goes out of his way to keep things civil with the ex. He says it is for the kids. That's what you're supposed to do right - be civil and cooperative with your children's other parent for them? The problem is, he does all the bending while she won't bend at all. He's paid extra for things he didn't legally have to when the ex incurred unnecessary health expenses yet she shorts him his child support abatements when he has the kids for extended lengths of time. He reimburses her within the 30 day requirement for health expenses yet she takes months to pay her share of the medical insurance he has on the kids (at the time of writing, she still hasn't paid for January, February, or March and here we are into April which she now owes for). He's given up time; she's given up none. So basically, he is doing all the compromising to her demands.

When I think about how much time my husband has lost over the years to "compromise" compared to the ex - she's not given up one extra minute!! Seriously.


The definition of compromise:

• make a compromise; arrive at a compromise; "nobody will get everything he wants; we all must compromise"
• settle by concession
• a middle way between two extremes

Here's the definition of dictator:

• dictator - authoritarian: a person who behaves in a tyrannical manner

Guess the ex is more like Hitler and less like a democracy. Usually I refer to her (when talking to my husband only) as "parasitic skank" but maybe she should be referred to as Hitler.

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Scared of Cancer Tests

I am sitting her right now trying to remember what type of cancer my uncle has. I'm too frazzled over the stepkids that I can't remember which form of cancer he has (either that or my thyroid disease has put more holes in my swiss cheese memory bank). My brain feels scrambled (along with my emotions). I know it's not Mesothelioma because I see those commercials all the time. It is either Hodgkin's or non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma I think. How awful that I can't even remember which form of cancer it is right now.

I have to go back to my doctor for my own biopsy (that I am seriously dreading); two different doctors for two different biopsies actually. I've put it off long enough and I have to stop doing that. Just thinking about the "c" word paralyzes me though. My husband is getting upset with me and he usually doesn't show much interest in medical stuff but he's really on my case about this. Nice to know he loves me eh? I'm being sarcastic...I'm in a mood over the ex and need to vent about something. He'd better love me after all I've put up with over the years with his ex, lol.

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When do the tears stop?

After the disappointing news from the ex that she's not willing to give up the kids one extra day for spring break (technically, my husband is entitled to those three extra overnights, in addition to the week they are already scheduled, but he is only asking for one of them), I was so angry. He is always the one compromising for her and she gives up nothing. All the ex does is take, take, take.

My husband thinks part of the reason is the stepkids wanted to spend that evening with their friends and that the ex is letting them dictate the schedule (when they have the night before to spend with friends already). It makes me question why the heck I am putting so much time into making the kids custom bags for Easter? I don't even like to iron! Why did I spend time finding them the perfect book for their interests for Easter? Why do I always pick up cards to send to them from all of us all the time when they won't even acknowledge they received them? Why am I going out of my way to really accommodate my stepdaughter's vegetarian needs with a good variety of foods, and all the extra money that it takes to do so, instead of giving her a salad if she won't eat what is served at mealtime? When do I give up?

I am so angry at his ex for being such an uncompromising, selfish you know what. My husband is always the one to give up something when it comes to his kids. She never does. NEVER in 14 years has she given up one damn thing, not one minute, yet he will and has for them repeatedly. Do you know how much it GRATES on every last nerve to allow her to get away with doing this? I'd put her in her place in a heartbeat and enjoy every second of it. DH is handling it though and he keeps the peace by caving anymore. He thinks it is how his kids want it. I know his ex likes it this way.

I went into the bathroom to cry so my kids wouldn't see me. My husband came in and we talked. I told him that I miss my stepdaughter. He said something that is more true than I want to realize - - he said I miss who she used to be, not who she is now. He said she isn't the same person. My stepson has always been his mother's son but now, my stepdaughter has changed so much to make her mother happy. It's like their dad doesn't mean anything anymore.

When do you stop trying or caring? Right now, I am thinking the $1 plastic bucket for Easter is looking better than spending a couple hours making them something else like I had planned. I don't even want to see them now. They're not little kids anymore and old enough to know better. I'm so disappointed in them and angry at their mother. A couple more years and then the legal relationship with the ex is over. I can't wait.

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Pathetic Excuse for a Mother: She never fails to remind me why I dislike her.

For my husband's spring break parenting time, he is getting them starting on Saturday, instead of on Friday (they don't have school on Friday and technically, he could get them Thursday after school lets out) but according to the ex...

They are spending the day (Friday) with her parents (who they see more often than any of us). My stepson is spending Friday evening with his friends (who he sees all the time) and my stepdaughter is spending Friday evening with her boyfriend (again, who she sees all the time).

They haven't see their dad or their four siblings since last July. They haven't seen their paternal grandparents since last Easter. However, none of that is important enough to the ex so hubby can't have them until Saturday. So instead of my in-laws being able to bring them down with them when they come here Friday (they live in the same state), hubby will drive the 200+ miles on Saturday to get the kids here (unless my in-laws change their plans for her).

She's such a pathetic excuse for a human being! She never fails to remind me why I can't stand her.

For summer parenting time, he is legally supposed to have five consecutive weeks. He doesn't take that lump visit like that because their mother can't handle them leaving her for very long..she cries and carries on when they'd leave her just for a weekend so you can imagine how she is for longer parenting time occurrences. Instead, he takes 1-2 weeks total...appeasing that nasty thing who puts the kids through heck with her behavior. I hope that he takes all five weeks in one lump sump like he is entitled to. I am so damn tired of her thinking that dad and our children aren't important enough. I also think it is important that my stepkids understand that this time is important too.

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