Trying to adjust but anger rears its head

I asked my husband today why he was driving nine hours for 10 minutes or so of time with his almost adult daughter when he admitted "they don't care about this family at all".  He said he was doing it for himself, so he knew inside that he has done what he could to be a good father no matter what. 

For "kids" who have not given him the time of day the last couple of years and who totally ignored him this past Father's Day (and last year too if I remember correctly) - totally blew him off with no contact, "kids" who are old enough to know better, I think he's wasting his time personally (as well as money we desperately need). 

Part of me is trying to understand where he is coming from and part of me feels a bit betrayed because we agreed to discuss things together and this was definitely not a mutual decision.  I feel like he's putting them before our own family's welfare and security, and shredding marital trust, and that it won't make a darn bit of difference to his kids at all.  It's one more piece of resentment I feel adding up.

I started reading Divorce Poison today.  I've been wanting to read this book for quite awhile now but after all of this, part of me just feels numb to all the poison anymore because at this late stage when the kids are coming up on adulthood, is it really going to matter?  I feel like it's too late.

Guess I still have a bit of "mad" on.  Hearing him talk to his mother on the phone today about his upcoming visit just brought all the anger back again.  The spiteful part of me thinks that if he spends this visit next to the ex in that stadium, after the hell she's put us and all the kids through for 15+ years, he can stay up there and not bother coming home.  Yeah, guess I'm still mad.

My birthday is Saturday.  Happy Birthday to me.  Not.

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Child of Faerie, Child of Earth by Jane Yolen and Jane Dyer

I just finished reading Child of Faerie, Child of Earth to my five-year-old daughter and this book was a keeper!  It's a book about a human girl and a faerie boy meeting.  Sweet, good illustrations.  Definitely a book to keep on a bookshelf.

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Divorce Poison and Joint Custody with a Jerk (Books)

I just sent a library request for "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard A. Warshak for future reading.  Within the next few weeks, I'll read the book that many have said is a good read.

My favorite book so far in all the divorce and stepfamily books was Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex, A Hands on, practical guide to coping with custody issues that arise with an uncooperative ex-spouse.  That book made me laugh many, many times.  I kept it by my bedside for quite awhile just to pick up and laugh about (and y'all know that there are always times when a good laugh is necessary to let that "ex tension" go).

Giggling over a book and flipping her off behind the dash of my car got me few a few tense times.  hee hee

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What's a bookworm to do?

I am a huge bookworm and can never throw out a book.  I even have a blog about books! It seems like a sin to do that or something! I have a couple bookcases full of books and then more in storage in box after box.  I'm not sure why I don't just sell textbooks...it's not like I'm going to use my textbooks from college and by the time my kids are in college, they'll be totally obsolete.

Do you know of anybody who makes money from doing this regularly?  I know of one person but I've not heard of anybody else yet doing this successfully.  It's a thought since I have so many books and can probably get my hands on many more. With six kids, we can definitely use the money!

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I Took Everything Away!

This morning, I turned into mean mom and took every privilege my kids have away from my three oldest. That means no computer, no texting, no video, no television, no sleepovers, etc. They have to earn them back.

I don't believe kids are entitled to any of these things. Usually, I take one or two things away but after weeks of things building, this morning they lost it all. I used to do this with my stepson after he'd beat up one of his siblings. (My kids haven't beat anybody up but they've done other things enough to tick me off that have to do with messy rooms, attitude, homework, etc. I don't know what has gotten into them but I'm putting a stop to it right now.) Of course, the ex thought we were too strict and was treating him differently than the other kids (we were supposed to ground the other kids too because he hit them I guess). I was the wicked head of our stepfamily in her eyes I think. She was wrong; I'm an equal-opportunity grounder! She ensured my stepson thought we were singling him out as well. I wonder if it'd matter now if he knew his brother and two of his sisters were receiving the same treatment for misbehaving as well?

I've read many books on step-parenting, parenting and other family relationship books. I read a lot of different ways to parent, however, I am a big believer in privileges being earned. I expect respect for others. I think kids today expect everything handed to them but I'm not raising brats!

Whether you are parenting your own or helping to parent your significant other's children, sometimes you have to do things you don't enjoy doing. If my kids think I enjoy grounding them, they're wrong. I didn't enjoy grounding my stepson either (no matter what he and his mother thought) but kids need consequences for inappropriate behavior.

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Stepfamily and Divorce Book Recommendations

I have my own little library of stepfamily/divorce books thanks to all the difficulties we have had over the years with this situation. Reading was my way of trying to make sense of behaviors and legalities. One of the best books I read about dealing with an uncooperative ex was Joint Custody With A Jerk: Raising A Child With An Uncooperative Ex. It gave useful information on how to handle situations and a different way to communicate rather than the antagonistic communication seen too often in these situations, but it also made me laugh many times. I kept this book on my nightstand for a long time after I finished reading it for the giggles.

Joint Custody With A Jerk

Like I said, I have a library of books that I've read...some good and some bad. I will start to list them here shortly!

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