SD 19 Years Old Today

Today my stepdaughter turned 19. She was two years old when I met her - this little thing that would come running into the apartment and the first thing out of her mouth was asking where I was. Then I would hear her little feet running through the place looking for me until she'd find me and run into my arms. She was a loving, sweet child.

What changed these past few years...

Years of having to be emotionally responsible for her mother?
Years of being put in the middle?
Years of living with white trash?
Parental alienation?
Years of hearing the verbal spewing from one side of the family?
Years of being emotionally punished for being loving to dad and dad's family?
Years of parenting time interference?
Years of being taught that dad isn't important?
Unnecessary Prozac?
Teenage Angst?

One of these?  All of the above?

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I'm a Cheer Coach

Happy Holidays to me.  I bought myself some yoga apparel - two pairs of yoga pants. One of them are similar to these in the picture but the waist band is a little different.

I never realized how HARD yoga is until I tried it.  Wow does it hurt.  I really thought it was all gentle and relaxing and soothing - - it's hard holding positions.  Takes muscles I don't have.  That puts me in sad shape:) I have to whip it into gear in the coming months since I'm coaching two of my daughters' cheer squad and I don't want to be a sideline coach.  I should at least be able to show them jumps and cheers without hurting myself.  Right? 

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Christmas & the Stepkids

Well, I waited to post about Christmas and the stepkids (as I said in my last post I was going to do).  I didn't want to make any predictions...though I knew exactly what was going to happen.

When I wrote that last post, my kids sat wrapping presents from them to their older half-siblings to add to the box of already over $300 worth of gifts going to my stepkids.  As they sat and wrapped, my husband opened a small UPS box he'd just received from the ex's place of employment.  It was an unwrapped sweatshirt stuffed into the box (literally stuffed and bulging) and a Christmas card signed from my two stepkids to their dad - only.  My husband, after opening his present from his children, hoped that it wasn't going to be the only thing from his kids to this house - - hoped they weren't going to ignore everybody else.  I mentioned how sad it was that as our kids wrap presents to their older siblings, they get ignored by them.  I don't actually expect them to spend money on any of us anymore for anything but they should have addressed their Christmas card to everybody - at least their siblings too.  That was a deliberate snub.  Nothing else came.

I mentioned during this discussion that we only had about $25 in the budget for a birthday gift for my stepdaughter (who turns 19 in two days) and told my husband when the latest it would have to be mailed out for her to get it in time.  I leave the rest to him.  Considering how today was that mailing cut-off date and my husband hasn't done anything yet, I am thinking this is going to be the first year her present is late, if he plans to send her one.  I don't care.  It's not my problem.  Unless he plans to spend the money he's been saving to replace his crappy computer, all she will get is $25 out of our budget - if he sends it.

I'm sure my husband probably received a Merry Christmas text from his children and perhaps even a thank you  from them via text though last I heard, he hadn't heard that they'd even received it (yeah, good thing we pay for the tracking to know they did).  The rest of us heard nothing.

I will be removing my stepdaughter from my Facebook.  She already dissed me over her graduation ceremony.  She doesn't get to act snotty to me on Facebook, totally dis her siblings during the holidays - who have never done a thing to either of them but love them, and then hold her hand out for expensive gifts (and oh wow...did she use her gift for the worst tattoo ever - wow is it awful).  The fallout from my blocking my stepdaughter from my FB will be felt through the whole family on his side - the ex and stepdaughter will make sure of it.  That will leave my husband to explain why to his adult "child" when she throws a fit (despite her age, she is emotionally stunted - due to the prozac or her mother or both - who knows), to his parents and rest of his family.  It's beyond time for him to speak out anyway.

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Christmas

My holiday shopping is done...I think.  I shipped out most of the packages that go out of state already (including to the stepkids) and my kids' and hubby's presents are hidden in a storage closet waiting for me to wrap them all.  My kids received the usual assortment of clothes, make-up, toys,and  electronics - depending on their age.  I bought my husband a down jacket (got it uber cheap on sale so couldn't NOT get it) and one of those Keurig single brew coffee makers (he is a coffee-aholic). He usually gets music stuff at birthdays (and we sometimes skip Christmas gift exchanges between us and just concentrate on the kids) but I wanted a change! The kids won't let him smoke cigars anymore (so no dutch masters cigars for him this year) but he made out pretty good.  With sales and coupons, I was able to get him the highest model Keurig coffeemaker at a low price and then several boxes of the different coffees for the machine.

The stepkids for Christmas - well, I think I'm just going to wait to talk about that.  My husband is holding out hope they won't be mean this holiday but I'm not holding my breath.  It is feeling a bit like a bi-polar Christmas with them this year so far.

I'm dreaming of a bi-polar Christmas,

Just like the ones I used to know...

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Blame It On The Cell Phone?

I guess hubby didn't give his ex his new cell phone number (she has our email and home number) because a text came in for him last night on my daughter's cell phone (his old number).  Maybe the ex will think she just has bad cell reception when he doesn't answer and should invest in a wilson booster to boost her service, lol.

I let my husband know his ex sent him a text that their teenage son had an ingrown hair that she took him to the doctor for - so silly. The doctor told her to soak it - duh! Nothing serious - didn't need to be cut or anything.  Maybe she scared him into thinking he had testicular cancer and had to get it checked out (like she did with my stepdaughter when she was his age).  I'm not sure if I should be annoyed over that doctor service call, monetarily-speaking, unhappy that she's turning the kids into being as neurotic as she is, or laugh because she is just so ridiculous!

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Nervous - Daughter Leaving

My 14yo is leaving on a school trip in about an hour to Disney.  I think I'm going to be sick.  She has been to cheer camp and band camp but those were only an hour away.  I've never had her on the other side of the country before, with this much freedom and responsibility, and she's not been away from home before for this long.

I told her this morning, "I hope I don't cry."

She said, "If you don't, I know I will."

I leave in 15 minutes to head the school to see her off - watch her get on that big bus and head off.  Yikes!!

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I Disengage From Christmas with SD

My stepdaughter has asked for a new tattoo for Christmas.  After her rudeness online with me (got hit with it twice recently), I sure hope hubby is taking care of this one on his own.  I'm not.  I disengage.

I did take care of finding my stepson's big gift for my husband.  Somehow, my stepson's "could care less" behavior towards me is easier to handle than my stepdaughter's snotty behavior.  I guess because "could care less" is an improvement over the years of anger/violence he shot towards me/kids and my stepdaughter's snotty behavior is a more recent development?  Maybe because I used to be real close with my stepdaughter (wasn't with my stepson) so her snotty behavior affects me more? I don't know.

I am at the "not my kid, not my problem" point with my stepdaughter right now. Whoever thought it'd be easier when they became adults was wrong.  Oh yeah, that was me.  Oops.

**bangs head on desk**

You know, if she was here, she wouldn't have the nerve to be rude to me.  Funny how 200 miles and an internet connection makes bad behavior OK.

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Frying My Computer

My computer (which I am typing on) is in the process of dying on me.  I go through a computer about every two years.  I just fry them up.  I did when I worked outside the home too.  My employer had to replace them often.  They said I typed too fast, ha ha.  There would literally be a burning smell coming from my computer and they'd know to look into ordering me a new one.

My husband bought me a laptop last week which I have sitting in a closet - not using yet.  The thought of transferring what I need (photos, music, budget, passwords, etc.) to the new laptop has been daunting.  I love computers. I know my way around the computer (don't know a thing about electronics in general - show me component video cables and I wouldn't know what to do) but with so many photos and videos to go through to see what I want to transfer and what I want to put on disk, I put off my new laptop and hope my desktop PC holds out a little longer for me.  Everything I NEED is on my desktop PC.  I need to get it to my laptop and save the rest off my PC.  A second external hard drive might be what I need...oh, hubby...

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Make-Up for Eczema?

My face has become hyper-sensitive to facial cleansers and make-up (eczema type sensitive).  Does anybody know of any good products that I can use to cleanse my face and what brand of make-up won't cause the bumpy, itchy mess without spending a ton of money?  The drugstore brands I've used so far aren't working.

I can live with barely there lashes (don't need eyelash growth products yet) but the bumpy, itchy cheeks? Not so much. Even my eyebrows itch!!

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