Prozac Bills Came in the Mail

The prescription bills from the ex came in the mail today for my stepdaughter's Prozac for us to reimburse.  Did I ever tell you how much I HATE having to pay for things we don't agree with, things we think could even be harmful? 

When my stepdaughter was here, she didn't have ONE anxiety/panic attack.  She didn't cry and carry on at all.  When we talked to her about her anxiety/OCD behaviors at her mom's house, everything she told us (when it would happen, why it would happen) related to her mother.  Why should WE have to pay to medicate a child because of her mother's behavior?

I'm sorry but that is screwed up. 

I don't mind reimbursing for necessary expenses.  We just don't feel Prozac was a necessary expense or good for a teenager to be taking under these circumstances.  Therapy (for mom) would be great!

One point for my husband's parents (who usually don't talk negatively about the ex) when they were here this past weekend - they don't agree with Prozac for their teenage granddaughter either and they base that on experience with one of their own daughter's.  (My mother-in-law also told me this past weekend that the ex doesn't bother to send her pictures anymore.)  The ex seems to be losing favor with the in-laws.  If you know the history with the ex and in-laws, after 15 years, it's about time.

Read more...

When do you stop blaming the ex?

When do you stop blaming the ex?

When is the unacceptable, hurtful, etc. behavior of a child, which has been the result of a parent's inappropriate behavior, no longer the parent's fault and instead is the responsibility of the child?

After all, we can't blame our parents forever.

Read more...

Outer Banks Rentals Vacation

My husband and I are talking about "Santa" bringing the family a vacation this year (yes, all but one of my kids still believe in Santa).  We were looking at a couple different destinations but it's not to be this year.  Too expensive.

Read more...

SO Sick of This!

My 13-year-old daughter asked her 17-year-old sister to help her with a school project, writing the answer to the question, "You are special because...".  It would take all of a few minutes and involved writing a few sentences about her little sister.  It is due by October and she asked her September 11th.  Plenty of notice.  My stepdaughter's response yesterday:

"I'll try, but I can't guarentee I'll have time to do it."


(That's her spelling; not mine.)
 
Seriously, you can't take five minutes, hell, two minutes to write a few sentences about your sister, who you used to be SO close to before your other parent won with the alienating tactics, when she has given you three weeks notice?  You don't even have to handwrite it; email it. 
 
I haven't told my daughter yet.  It'll hurt her feelings.  My stepdaughter and daughter used to be really close and she specifically wanted her big sister to be a part of this school project but she can't even give her two minutes of her time. 
 
I've seen my daughter in tears brought on by my stepkids' behavior.  Hanging up on her a couple times a few years ago pretty much devastated her - hanging up on her on her birthday crushed the heck out of her.  If my stepdaughter doesn't do this for her (and let's face it, it's not because she doesn't have time to do it - it's two minutes!), part of me wants to shield my daughter from the hurt and type up something and say my stepdaughter emailed it to try to avoid the hurt if my stepdaughter doesn't do it - not for my stepdaughter's sake but for my own daughter.  The other part of me thinks she'll find out what I did and hurt anyway.  When do I protect and when do I just be there when they hurt?
 
I can't believe how much things have changed - how close the kids used to be.  It disgusts  me that an adult interfered so badly that it damaged sibling relationships.  It wasn't just the bond between father/child or stepmom/stepchild that was interfered with; that alienation made its way to the siblings as well.  Due to a person's insecurities, innocent lives were so altered that they'll carry those scars with them for a long time, maybe forever. 
 
This is the result of two very different homes - one home was insecure, manipulated, and alienated and the other home wouldn't stoop to involving any of the kids in the horrid games, wouldn't talk bad about the other parent, wouldn't manipulate the kids, and did everything "right" for the kids' emotional/mental health. 
 
We did everything we were supposed to.  Look where we all are now. 

Read more...

Hubby is Off to His Interviews

My husband is in the car right now, on his way to his long drive to two job interviews today for jobs in my stepkids' state.  By tonight, we should have a little better idea if/when we could be moving. 

Now that it's becoming more and more likely, I'm getting huge butterflies about it.  As much as I've hated living in this town for the past year or so, it's amazing how easy it is to find good things that you'll miss once you think you'll be leaving.  The area is beautiful but it's the leaving friends part that is hard, or thinking about missing out seeing how my kids' friends grow through high school and beyond. 

Read more...

Bad Luck with Genetics

My five-year-old gets a flushed, rough feel to her cheeks.  I'm not sure if it is keratosis pilaris or if she needs rosacea treatment. I have keratosis pilaris so I'm thinking she got that from me and unfortunately, unlike me, she got it on her face.

I feel bad for her inheriting my bad skin.  Between my littlest inheriting my skin and my middle daughter inheriting my thick, frizzy hair, I'm wishing they'd have inherited more of their dad's genes!!  He has great straight, dark hair and big blue eyes with long lashes no man should get before a woman does!! 

I know keratosis is more common than not.  Do you know of any treatment that will reduce the roughness?  I've never seen one.  When I was little, a doctor gave me this really greasy cream to put on my legs and arms that didn't work.  Have there been any improvements in treatments in the last 30 years?

Read more...

Clothes Swapping with the Teenager

My teenager wants a sweater like Miley Cyrus wears in some of her shows on Hannah Montana.  I don't know where to find those!  I did find some cute cardigan sweaters like this one:

Isn't this a great-looking sweater?  I'd like one for myself too.  One for her, one for me and then another for her and another for me. 

What I really can't wait for is in another year or two, my daughter will be pretty close in size to me (once I get down to my regular weight which I am working on) so I'll be able to wear her clothes.  I can already wear her shoes, which she hates.  She says that because I am MOM, I shouldn't wear her shoes.  What does that mean? 

Read more...

Two Job Interviews Friday

Hubby may have TWO or more interviews on Friday now, not just one.  My stepkids don't know it yet but the likelihood of us moving close to them just went up.  My stomach is doing flip flops from nerves.  There's so much to do, think about, worry about over moving to another state.  I better pop some multivitamin supplements to counteract the stress before I make myself sick.

We'd go back to seeing the kids every week!  Yeah!!  That's awesome.

We'd go back to seeing the ex every week!  Well... 

Things have been better with the ex this past year (she's got the kids so she has no reason to be difficult).  I wonder if that will change when we move back and start infringing on "her" time (never mind legally it's not "her" time but y'all understand what I mean).

Read more...

Relocation - From Maybe to Most Likely

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.  I've been talking about relocating being a possibility.  That "possibility" just moved up to "very likely" and the timing - within a few weeks!! 

If the job interview goes well on Friday, hubby will move back to our homestate within a week.  Our four kids, five dogs, two horses, and myself would follow within a few weeks.  I have to pack up our entire life, by myself, with no support from hubby, while caring for all of the above. 

I am either going to:  1) lose my mind, 2) binge eat and then need diet pills women make to lose weight, or 3) lose my mind. Oh wait, I said that already. Yeah, that's because I really expect to LOSE MY MIND!

We've still not said a word to my stepkids or the ex yet.  We won't until we are definitely moving.  No point in stirring things up with the ex or getting kids' hopes up (I'm assuming their hopes would rise up instead of plummet). 

Read more...

Rip a Loved Kitten Away From My Kids?

A few weeks ago, a kitten hitched a ride underneath my car.  I couldn't find its owners after walking the streets, calling the police, vets, dog pound, and humane society.  Nobody has called looking for her.  She's been living with us inside our house...and I'm allergic.  I knew I was allergic before we brought her into the house but I thought somebody would be missing this friendly, clean kitten and I'd find its owners so she wouldn't be with us long.  I'd deal with the allergies until then.  I couldn't just ignore her and hope she didn't get hit by a semi-truck or a wild cat or coyote wouldn't get her, etc.  I don't have it in me.  Well, I couldn't find her owners and my allergies are letting me know they are not liking it at all.  My kids, on the other hand...

Karma (laying with my sleeping daughter)



This is my five-year-old daughter sleeping with Karma, the lucky little kitten.  Karma has made herself at home here - she's best buddies with my tiny dog and ignores the other dogs in true cat fashion, sleeps on my kitchen table when she thinks I'm asleep and won't come back into the kitchen and catch her, climbs my screens, tries to climb the back of my chair while I'm sitting in (resulting in cat claws in the booty and loud cussing), sleeps with the kids, and protests when I try to confirm whether she is, in fact, a female.  What's not to love?  How am I supposed to find this bundle of fur a new home when my kids obviously love this little thing?

Read more...

Husband's New "Business" (More Like Hobby) - Guitar Picks

Hubby is starting a side hobby.  It won't make any money, so I hesitate to call it a business because eventually you expect a business to make money, which this one won't, but he's making guitar picks and will be selling them (for next to nothing).  He'll cover his materials and that's about it. 

I am going to make a web site for him.  I need to make sure there isn't any type of license he needs.  Everything will probably be handled by check, money order, or paypal all through online sales so not sure if I will need a receipt printer.

He's sent out many of his guitar picks to people he knows through the guitar forums and they've all raved about them and are recommending him to other people they know.  He thinks that's pretty cool.  I'm all for anything that takes his main interest from going through guitars left and right to putting a very small amount of money out for materials to make picks.  Saves us money!

Read more...

Finally Got Some ME Time!!

Friday was the first day since August 24, 2010, that I had every one of my four children in school.  One or the other have all been home sick since the start of school.  Hubby works nights so it was just the two of us for a couple hours Friday morning with peace and quiet before he went to bed.  We were so behind in everything due to the kids' illnesses the last three weeks that we worked. Ha, and everybody thought it'd be lingerie for us.  Honestly, I wanted him to go to bed so I could finally have total quiet.  I needed to be alone after taking care of all my kids through their various illnesses.  Was that bad?

It was a good day.  I went horseback riding, did some work, did some cleaning, soaked in a tub (without a kid knocking at the door looking for me), and just enjoyed how QUIET it was around here.

Unfortunately, my middle daughter now has a low-grade fever so it looks like we won't be getting that alone time next week either.  Guess we should take advantage of it when it comes instead of working.  Ha ha.

Read more...

Happy Stepfamily Day!!

HAPPY STEPFAMILY DAY!!!!

Read more...

Dharmic Dance by KO

Dharmic:  is an Indian spiritual and religious term that means one's righteous duty, or any virtuous path.

I was just listening to Dharmic Dance by Kevin O'Connor of KO Guitar and thinking about the definition of "Dharmic" and the dance we do through blending our families.  The definition (of "dharmic") changes slightly depending on which religion or culture is defining it but I liked the one I found above.  It made me think.  Do we always do the right thing as a step-parent?  If so, is it right for us or right for the kids, or both?  How about when there is a difference between right for "his" kids and right for "your" or "our" kids?  How do you make a decision then?  Are we always doing the Dharmic dance, do we take the right path for the right reasons?

It's funny how a song can touch you in some way, bring back memories, or make you think.  The song title did that.  Being a part of a musical family, I am always interested in hearing new sounds like KO and will share this artist with my husband after work. 

KO is an original in an age of cookie cutter "talent" - worth listening to.  He writes songs from his own experiences, sings original music, and is a gifted guitarist (as well as a producer and engineer).  His songs are like short stories about "man, woman, nature and the geography of the soul." 

Being married to a guitarist and vocalist myself, I appreciate the imagination, talent and drive to do what you love.  Kevin O'Connor is doing what he loves.  He can be seen and heard in the New York area (where he's been for 25 years - check him out!) or you can pick up his CD.  To do it for 25 years - definite drive to doing what you love!

You can find KO at iTunes, CD Baby, and on Facebook!

Read more...

Relocation A Good Possibility - Soon

My husband has a phone call today for a potential job back in our home state where my stepkids live.  In reality, if he gets a job offer within the next couple weeks, we could all be living back in our home state probably in a month or two after job acceptance (he'd go ahead of us for the job and stay with my family).

We aren't saying anything to my stepkids about it - yet.  First, it might get their hopes up (we can hope, right?).  Second, there will be time to tell them once he accepts a job offer.  Hubby will give two weeks notice at work and I would imagine it'll take at least double that time for us to find a home big enough for six kids and five dogs (and two horses) to rent in the area and to move our lives to another state.  No point in bringing it up until it's definitely going to happen. Besides, we don't want to give the ex too much time to come up with new ways to interfere in the kids' parenting time with dad. We'll also be able to go to their concerts, etc.  That will be nice. 

Read more...

Difference Between Newlyweds and 15 Years of Marriage is...

The difference between newly married and married for 15 years is...

When you are first married and come home with a car full of groceries, your husband gets up and helps you carry them all in.

When you've been married almost 15 years and come home with a car full of groceries, your husband doesn't bother to get up and help you carry the groceries in.

...and you know what?  It TICKS ME OFF.  Just saying. 

Read more...

Compassion

I just read this article at Rockstar Coparenting about compassion.  It about made me cry!

Read more...

Don't Grow Up So Fast!

Why do schools expect kids in junior high to know what they want to be when they grow up?  My 8th grade daughter brought home papers they want her to fill out for homework about it.  She knows she'll be looking at jobs in health care like nursing or pet health care, like a vet. Of course, she also said she wanted to be an auto mechanic too. Who knows? In 8th grade, I certainly don't expect her to know already.

I'll worry more about it when she's in 11th or 12th grade.  As long as she's doing the best she can in school (and she is, she's in an advanced math and advanced biology class as an 8th grader, taking high school classes), I am so not worried about what she wants to be when she grows up yet.  Good grades, sports, good friends - that's all I want her to worry about right now.

Notice, I didn't put BOYS in there anywhere.  She was under the mistaken impression that as soon as she got into 9th grade, she'd be able to date.  I about rolled off the chair laughing.

Read more...

Can You Comment?

Can you comment on my blog posts?  Something got messed up and comments couldn't be left on here at all (thanks, Smirking Cat, for letting me know!). 

Hmmm...if I don't get any comments to this, I guess it's still broke:) 

Read more...

Justin Bieber Concert Tickets

I was looking up concert tickets at gotickets.com to see if Eminem would be in our area soon.  He isn't, but KISS and Carrie Underwood will be.  My husband would like KISS and my daughter would like Carrie Underwood.  I want to see Eminem, Billy Idol or Bon Jovi.  I didn't tell my kids but Justin Bieber is on their concert list as well. Boy would they love to see Justin Bieber.

It's a pretty cool site.  There are concert tickets, sports tickets, family show tickets, and what I'd love to see, Las Vegas shows with a guarantee.  It's been five years since I saw Bon Jovi last.  I'm due for a little Jon Bon Jovi soon!

Read more...

Living Close to the Ex Again

Thinking about relocating back to our home state, where the stepkids are, has me thinking about some of the reasons why it was so easy to move to begin with (besides the job situation and my drama-inducing mother).  It was the constant hostility with the ex, her sister getting in my face when I'd pick the kids up from daycare during our parenting time, and my getting punched in the lower back (while pregnant) at my stepdaughter's dance recital as that same sister walked by (wish they'd had security cameras in that area because I would've had her arrested in a second if it'd been caught on video) that made the decision to move easier than it should've been.  The family court would do nothing (they said it was a police matter since I wasn't a part of the court order despite it happening during the pick up of the kids during parenting time, that same pick-up at the request of the ex) and the police wouldn't do anything (they said it was a family court matter)...what did they care, I was just the stepmom - pregnant stepmom.

I could've kept my job there and supported the family myself, knowing it might've taken years for hubby to find a job in the area we lived in, in the industry he works in, but I was not going to pay my husband's child support for him, especially after how bad things were with the ex and her family and the way I'd been treated and assaulted.  Not my ex - not my responsibility.  Not my kids - not my responsibility.  I had an opportunity to take a management buy-out at my company, which had just gone through a sale, and I grabbed it with both hands.  At that point, we'd been living in a constant state of stress for almost five years and it was affecting our own family so I was ready to put a little distance between the two warring homes.

We moved to where my husband could get a job in his field.  Now we are considering moving back.  It's a little bit of a concern - wondering if certain people have grown up enough to behave themselves and act like mature, rational adults. I guess we'll see if or when we move.

Read more...

Yahoo Buzz: Obama, Dove World Outreach Center, Quran, Bush's Heisman

The Yahoo Buzz for today is:

• Obama Wants to Invest over 50B in Infrastructure (blah, blah, blah).  I'm so tired of the players in today's politics that I rarely update my own political blog, Political Horse Pucky.
• Florida Church Plans to Burn Quran (is this about extremists or is this about negativity toward any other religion other than their own?).  I don't see this as helping anything really and see it angering peaceful muslims worldwide.  The Dove World Outreach Center needs to take out "world" and "outreach" in their name.  They aren't reaching out to anybody.
• Trust to Take Reggie Bush's Heisman (this is a first in their 75-year history)
• and more.

Read more...

Relationship Coaching with Contemplation Marks at Barnes & Noble

Walking through the trials of blending a stepfamily can make even the most even-tempered person want to run screaming at times.  We did our share of talking and working through problems when it all came to a head after our first child was born - between the ex, the court, etc., I was ready to bundle up the baby and hightail it out of there! I wouldn't be surprised if most stepfamilies need a little help from an objective party at one time, especially in the first 2-3 years of blending.  One very important factor learned for our marriage to be a happy one was to truly be partners in all aspects - finances, leisure activities, our children, and his children.  We needed to fully commit to each other.  A good support system is a must! 

If you live within driving distance of the Springfield, New Jersey area, and are looking for Relationship coaching, a life coach, R. A. Leslie from Contemplation Marks, will be holding a Heart vs Mind series at Barnes & Noble at 7:00 p.m. on September 9, 2010.  The address and phone number are:  240 Route 22 West, Springfield, NJ 07081, Phone#973-376-8544.  The topic covered will be "Commitment vs. Complacency". 

Having a support system in place definitely saved our marriage.  I don't know that I would have made it through everything we did with his ex without a good support system. 

Read more...

Keep the Ex's Name?

My husband and I were talking about this the other day - keeping your ex-husband's last name after a divorce.  Would you?

The only way I would keep a husband's last name is if we had children together.  So, if hubby and I were to divorce, after having four kids together, yes, I would keep it to have the same last name as my children.  If we had not had kids together and we divorced, I'd go back to my maiden name (not that I like my maiden name - at all - but there'd be no reason to keep his last name). 

My husband was briefly married really young.  It lasted about six months with no kids.  He went so far as to not just divorce but to annul the marriage.  She kept his last name (making it different from her kids she'd had previously).  He doesn't know why.  It doesn't bother me that she kept his last name.  I've never met her personally (saw her once from a distance), she's never caused any problems for us, and has no meaning to me whatsoever, so why should I care that there is somebody else running around with hubby's common last name?  I don't. 

However, I am VERY GLAD the ex-girlfriend he had kids with doesn't have his last name.  She wanted it, badly.  When we got engaged, she went to his parents to whine about it.  She was extremely ticked off when he married me when she couldn't drag him down the aisle kicking and screaming.  Maybe it's spite, maybe it's the last 15 years of stress and chaos dealing with her, maybe it's all of the above...whatever it is, I'm glad I'm not sharing a name with her.

Read more...

Text for Hubby to Come to Hotel Room to Visit Kids (ex would be there). Weird.

My husband just told me he got a text from his daughter last night, telling him they were at a hotel room (about 113 miles from where we live), where they are staying because they're going to an amusement park today and would HE like to come visit them that night (last night)?  Late at night?  It sounded like the invitation was made just to him.

Ummm...huh?  A text at night, for HIM to drive more than two hours with no notice and come to a hotel room, with the ex and the kids...a little weird.  Hubby thought it was more than a little strange. 

What I find even stranger is that they are THIS close to our home and didn't make arrangements to come this weekend after their amusement park fun today (they're heading back to their state tomorrow).  Oh wait, there's another teen club my stepdaughter would rather go to tomorrow night.  That's right.  I forgot.  Priorities.  They can squeeze dad in at 11:00 at night in a hotel room, with their mom.  Yeah, that's happening. 

Read more...